[troublesome piano music]
What?
It's terrible.
Don't watch it.
Oh, all right, fine.
[troublesome piano music]
A lantern-jawed high school swimmer that looks about twenty-five,
waxes rhapsodic to Buffy about the joys of the ocean,
a complete lapse of sanity on the writer’s part and we're only thirty seconds into this one.
One of the swimmers is torturing Jonathan in front of a crowd of people and Buffy tosses him aside
Noticing he has...
...a tattoo?
Is that a temporary tattoo or has he been held back a few grades?
Wentworth Miller from 'Prison Break' takes the offending swimmer for a walk
...and he sheds his skin and flees into the sewers.
Buffy is AT LEAST trying to give dating a try for the first time,
though you could say she's...
...fishing in the wrong pond.
(laughs)
Fish.
*sigh*
What?
This episode sucks.
I’m reaching here.
Buffy attempts to strategically back out of the situation but the boy continues unabated.
"Which is why--"
“Are you wearing a bra?”
Really?
Is that...
Why did...
...I don’t understand.
I realize they’re shooting for a particular archetype here
but I’ve never heard of the pontificating jock before.
This guy should be trying to impress her with feats of strength
or by doing J-turns in his Camaro.
Not going on and on about the call of the ocean and inquiring as to the state of her underwear.
Anyway, Buffy tries to exit and Swimmy McDateRapist locks the door on her.
Snyder catches Buffy breaking his nose and Buffy gets in trouble.
Later, McDateRapist appears to get jumped in the cafeteria, adding to the growing body count of swimmer deaths.
Xander finds his skin, is cornered by a big monster
and in the next scene
he has somehow already gotten away.
The gang figures Wentworth is next in line to be killed by the fish monster
and Buffy gets caught tailing him.
As he storms out of The Bronze, Angel makes his terrible episode posthumous appearance.
Angel attacks Wentworth but he senses something wrong with his blood.
Xander overhears Snyder and the coach scheming about finding a swimmer for the team
...and he signs up.
This is probably the only time I thought Xander should have been played by someone who looks like Danny Strong instead of Nicholas Brendon.
He's just a little too hunky.
Buffy witnesses Wentworth turn into one of the fish monsters before they go and hide in the sewers.
Turns out the coach has been doping the boys using the steam room.
And yet, after seeing three of their friends shed their skin and turn into monsters
...the other guys don’t really seem to care.
Buffy confronts the coach and he monologues her into the water pen with all his fished-out swimmers.
"So what, you're just gonna feed me to 'em?"
"Oh, they've already had their dinner."
"But boys have other needs."
He’s talking about fish rape,
... right?
In a purportedly comedic one-off episode.
And Buffy later plays on the coaches rape reference by saying
she’s going to get a reputation for “doing it” with the swim team.
So she’s joking about being perceived as a slut
...because of...rape.
Right?
Xander rescues Buffy in the nick of time
and Buffy knocks the coach into the water pit.
“Those boys really love their coach.”
Wait, so she's saying….
*sigh*
Nevermind.
The fish boys escape to the ocean and this cliffhanger is mercifully never spoken of again.
'Go Fish' was written by David Fury and Elin Hampton.
Given David Fury is...David Fury
and Hampton never wrote another episode for the show again
I think it’s safe to assume Fury did touch-up on this script.
It has a bit of his flavor, some unreasonably funny lines in an incredibly dumb episode.
But while seeing the ladies react to Xander in a banana hammock is good for a laugh,
the humor isn’t enough to elevate this one to candy episode status for me.
The episode is internally tone deaf
(rape references juxtaposed against speedo humor)
But it also derails the season arc.
We’ve had two previous one-off episodes that feel reasonable in building up to the finale.
I would even say 'I Only Have Eyes For You' has some elegance to it.
Now this turd.
Being completely honest, you know I believe Buffy’s writing core set out early on to have a higher purpose for each episode
and this entire Guide is about poking beneath the surface of the narrative to see what we can make of it together.
But the purpose of this one utterly escapes me.
I think there is one intended given this entire season is about sex and consequences
and this episode contains many bizarre dialogue choices that don’t have any OTHER reason to be there:
"I mean, first she leads me on and then she goes schizo on me."
"Lead you on?"
"When did I lead you on?"
"Oh, come on."
"I mean, look at the way she dresses."
"This is just what my reputation needs:"
"That I 'did it' with the entire swim team."
There’s also the rape references thrown out in the presence of a wet busty Buffy.
Which, since the message is totally unclear makes the whole scene feel a bit sleazy.
Whatever the intended message was though, I’m certainly not a fan of the threat sexual violence being used as some sort of narrative or thematic shortcut.
Course that's a topic we might get back to at some point.
The fish transitions had a B-movie cheesiness I kind of appreciated.
And I enjoyed that the monster was an homage to the 'Creature from the Black Lagoon'.
But I think 'Go Fish' is somewhere in my Bottom Five 'Buffy' episodes.
When my friends say they don’t want to watch 'Buffy',
I kind of imagine 'Go Fish' is the show that they imagine 'Buffy' to be.
"Always adaptable, nurturing, yet...constant."
"Indy!"
"Don't look, Marion. Keep your eyes shut!"
"---why--"
“Are you wearing a bra?”
[Nazi frightened screams]
[Angelus spitting]
[Nazi frightened screams]
[Screaming Nazi]
[Head melt scrunch]