Now Phil, where are you?
I am in Fall River, Massachusetts.
Oh my God, Fall River! I know Fall River.
I am from Brookline, so not too far a drive away.
And everybody knows Fall River,
because I'm a murder buff,
Fall River is where Lizzie Borden
supposedly killed her father and stepmother.
Is that right? That's correct.
And I actually work at the Lizzie Borden House
as luck would-- No, you don't.
Do you really? Yeah, I do!
(laughing)
What do you do there? I give tours.
Oh, you give tours, for a second,
I thought it'd be really funny if you said, "I murder."
(laughing)
Or you were a Lizzie Borden reenactor.
Yeah, you put on a dress,
and your job is to kill at least two people a day.
Wow, I gotta say, this is really exciting,
because I'm a murder buff,
and I grew up hearing about the Lizzie Borden murders
and thinking about them,
and I guess there was some controversy.
Lizzie Borden never admitted to it.
Are you convinced that she did it?
My answer changes every single day,
so I always feel like it's a cop out
when people ask me that question.
I think most of the time I say,
"Yeah, Lizzie Borden did it,"
but the more time I spent in that house,
well, maybe the crazier I start to feel,
but I second guess everything.
Yeah, yeah, well, you know, it's interesting,
'cause kids used to taunt Lizzie Borden by saying,
there was this song that they sang.
This is like in the 1890s.
(singing) Lizzie Borden took an ax,
gave her father 40 whacks.
When she saw what she had done, she gave her mother 41.
And I was thinking,
whenever I think about that song now, I think,
oh, she's just obsessive compulsive.
(everyone laughing)
That's a description of someone with OCD.
Like, "Well, I just gave my dad 40 whacks.
(grunting) "It should be 41 next time!"
Like if she had a sibling, they would've gotten 42.
Yeah, exactly, exactly,
and she would have been real precise about it.
I feel like in Massachusetts though,
I fell like we just come out of the womb knowing that rhyme.
It's just right ingrained in us, right?
Yeah.
No, I knew that song is a kid,
and our grandmother lived with us in our house
when we were growing up for a period of time,
and what year was the murder?
Was it in the 1880s or the 90s?
1892. Yeah.
So, I think my grandmother would have been two years old
when that murder happened.
I think she was born in 1890,
and she often tried to murder us.
She had a little ax,
so I think it was just something people did back then.
Trying to murder? Yeah.
She just was like, "Hey man, this is what we did
"back in the 1890s for fun."
Yeah, there was no TV. Yeah.
They didn't have TV. They didn't have the internet.
And so everyone was given a little ax,
and they were just constantly chopping at each other.
That's it, it's just adorable.
It's the battle royale.
So, I'm pretty sure she did it.
I have to tell you, just looking at the facts,
and as I know them, and she was a weird lady.
She was a legitimately weird lady, Lizzie Borden.
Yeah, it's interesting, she's one
of the most fascinating figures in American history,
and yet there's still so very little
we know for sure about her.
And as you can imagine, even in the second half of her life,
after she's acquitted of the murders,
she's not gonna be extra talkative with folks.
So, I think she played her cards very close to the vest
for the rest of her life
and went to her grave with a lot of secrets.
I know all these crazy things about that murder,
but one thing I know, correct me if I'm wrong,
there was a period of time where they turned that house
like in the 1980s, you could stay there, right?
80s and 90s, you could stay there overnight.
It was a bed and breakfast.
Yes, you can still stay there.
Yes, it's still a bed and breakfast.
What, you're kidding!
Yeah, come on down, Conan.
No! Wait a minute!
Guys, is that true? We could stay there?
We should go on a field trip.
Is it haunted?
I happen to think so.
The more time I spent in that house,
the more creeped out I get,
but you'll talk to other people who spend the night
and had the best sleep of their lives.
I think it depends what kind
of mentality you're bringing into it.
Would you be scared?
Yes. I would not. I would not.
I wouldn't either. I wouldn't either.
What? I feel, yeah.
I just, you know, what's going to happen?
People were brutally murdered in there.
Yes, so what?
I don't get scared of ghosts or supernatural.
I'm worried about actual living humans that will kill you,
so as long as that's not going on there, I'm fine.
Right.
Well, if we all go together,
the overwhelming chance, Matt, is that I will kill you.
So I am afraid of that. You didn't let me finish.
That's a legitimate fear.
I'm proposing that the three of us do a podcast
from the Lizzie Borden house.
Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah.
And we set up a fourth mic, just in case.
Oh man!
Just in case she drops by, and she shows up,
and she's like, "Hey, Lizzie, longtime listener, big fan.
(laughing)
"I love the way you read ads."
And then we're like, "Lizzie, thanks for dropping in.
"Did you do it?" "Oh, come on, yes, I did it!"
(everyone laughing)
The statute of limitations, baby!
"Yeah, I hated my father,
"and man, my stepmother was a pain in the ass!"
Anyhoots, gotta run!