Hey guys, in this video
we are going to talk about the actual signs
that she might be gaslighting you.
So, the things that she does and says
that twist up your reality
and make you feel cray cray.
So, if you are new to my channel
my name is Anna Jorgensen
welcome to just the tip Tuesday.
(Music)
So, in my last video
I explained a little bit more about
how you might feel in a relationship
with someone who is gaslighting you
and what gaslighting is, which is basically
mind-bleeping you into making you think you're crazy
by them lying or manipulating the truth
and yeah, that is about it.
So, you do want to really watch that
because you need to know
if you are bringing in insecurity into the relationship
and misinterpreting her words and actions
or if she actually is really gaslighting you
and it might be a combination of both.
So, watch that video it'll go into a little bit more detail
about that part of it.
But in this video, I just wanted to share with you
some of the specific things that she might say or do
that are signs she is gaslighting you.
And the first thing that you want to know
is when you’re first meeting someone
or dating
or just at the beginning of a relationship
the gas lighting starts very subtly.
So, it is like she's testing the waters
whether it is conscious
or just her own internal baggage
that happens to be spewing forth in bad behavior
and unhealthy actions or words.
But generally we are instinctive enough
as people to know
that if you come right out and say
no your name is not Charlie Brown
you're going to probably go wait a minute,
I am pretty sure my name is Charlie Brown.
Did we just have thanksgiving?
Anyway, okay so,
so, they'll start subtle and then as you continue
or increase your level of questioning reality
they will increase their gaslighting
to points where it is like really
anybody looking in would think this is crazy,
but because they've subtly increased along the way,
you're not sure if it's really them
or if it's you.
And if you're not stopping them
if you're not nipping bad behavior
in the bud early on
then it will continue to escalate
to the point where
you are too afraid to deal with it
to make any changes
to leave or even to tell anybody.
And the longer you leave it
the more difficult it is to make changes
because as you know anytime you create a habit
the longer that habit goes on
the more difficult it is to change.
And that's even within ourselves
even if we want to make changes.
Now, if you're dealing with someone else
who's probably a narcissist
and who's gaslighting you
when you start to try and make changes later on
once habits are established
you're going to get a lot of resistance.
And there's a very high chance
that you're not going to be able to make those changes
or they'll be very difficult
and you will essentially either have to accept
the life that you choose to live
with this person or to leave.
And there's a bunch of
definite danger zone areas
if you are leaving a narcissist,
which I went over in some of my other videos.
Watch that playlist I'll link below.
So, here is some examples,
specific examples
of how she might be gaslighting you.
Starting from when you just meet her
to when you're actually
maybe even in a relationship with her.
So, let us say you are in a coffee shop
and you started chatting up this girl
and you set date or a time to get together
or you've kind of closed the deal
and you say we should get together for pizza sometime
and she says she loves pizza.
So, you say that you should get together on Thursday
she says she is free on Thursday
you should get together.
But then when you text her to confirm that
she says that she is not available Thursday,
but she might say something like oh,
I am sure I told you I wasn't available
until Friday, would that work?
So, right away she could be disorganized
or she could be gaslighting
and because she adds in the that work,
then you're kind of thrown off a bit
because it's like okay,
did she flip to me about
not being available Thursday?
Did she not realize?
Did something come up in the last like two hours
or is she misleading me?
And you do not really know
because you just met this girl
and because she does want to get together
you think that is a green light.
Well, it might be a green light to get together,
but it might be a red flag
that she is gaslighting.
Another thing she might say
is if you decide to try and get together for pizza
she might say something like oh,
I am on a diet no pizza for me.
Okay, you just said you liked pizza
so, which is it?
Is this you're just on a diet since yesterday
or is which could be like,
it could be that she is no longer available Thursday,
it could be that she is
just decided to go on a diet
because she's got a muffin top
and had to buy a size larger pants
that are stretchy
anyway, speaking for a friend.
And so, let us say you questioned her about it
saying oh, I thought you said you liked pizza
and we should go then
and she gets all pissy about it
and says no, I said you should go sometime.
But she adds something cute like and besides
a girl can change her mind sometimes
right winky, winky.
So, again, she is making you question the reality
or the truth of what was actually stated.
But she is being cute in there and charming or charismatic
to keep you on the hook.
So, when she says we should go to cactus club
because they have great salads you jump all over that
because at least she wants to get together with you.
So, these are if she does all of these
then that is a succession toward the red flag.
Another example,
the I'm not crazy you are example,
is now you are like dating
and you make a suggestion about getting together
to go to a friend's barbecue
as soon as we are allowed.
And she says sure, so you give her the event details
and time and the place.
You think everything is cool,
but on the day before the barbecue
when you remind her about it
she says oh,
you know I do not like crowds bae.
So, again, it is like okay, which one is it
she did say sure,
but now she is saying she doesn’t like crowds
and then you have a reaction.
It does not matter what kind of reaction.
Either you confront her
or you go silent
or you just do not reply if it is by text.
And she sighs and huffs dramatically
and says okay fine,
if it is that important to you I will go,
but you owe me one.
So, what has she done?
She's made it out like she is doing you a favor
for something she agreed to in the beginning
and now you owe her something for that.
The pink flag is getting redder.
She might even throw in something like
they do not really like you anyway,
they just know you'll bring booze.
And you say well, everyone brings booze,
but she just shrugs it off unbelievingly
or says something like believe whatever you want
if it makes you feel better.
Seriously uh,
Uhh, I have a hard time
getting through this one.
Okay, next example.
So, you have ignored those earlier red flags
and you have been dating for a while
and now she might be actually
moving straight into outright lies
such as, I told you I was going out
with the girls on Friday.
She did no such thing.
Why do you hate my friends?
You are so mean to me.
Outright projecting
or you said you'd buy me that purse
for my birthday
oh, but this is nice too.
No you actually said that she should buy it herself
when she got that raise
as a gift to herself
or why do you always put me last
on your list of priorities?
When clearly she is first on your list of priorities
because she is made it that way.
You kind of see where this is going.
So, obvious when you are not
in the middle of the forest
of narcissistic gaslighting.
Next example, the bait and switch.
Let us say you have been together for a while
or you are even married
and she comes in the garage
and finds you building a shelf or fixing a shelf
somewhere in the house or whatever
and she says
I asked you to put out the recycling
why are you wasting time on this shelf.
Actually no, she said earlier
that the recycling was her priority,
but what are you doing just
being Johnny on the spot for her
on everything.
That is because it is escalated to this point.
We teach people how to treat us.
But you know how it is going to go if you say anything
so, you just sigh in exasperation by accident
because you know that is going to elicit a reaction from her
and sure enough it does
and she says don't be so dramatic.
The recycling does not come until Thursday anyway.
Then she walks away saying over her shoulder
don't be so sensitive.
I know me too
this is how I feel about the Susans in the world.
A Susan is a step down from a Karen
in Aj's lingo
or she might even say
congratulations you made me feel bad
are you happy now?
There is no winning, there is no winning with a gas lighter
and the most difficult one of all.
Example number five,
the 180.
And this is why most people stay in a relationship
with a narcissist or gaslighter.
If she senses she's gone too far
with her mistreatment of you
and you are starting to get frustrated
and or you actually do get frustrated,
but instead of having an all-out fight
you just leave and slam the door
and do not reply to her numerous text messages.
Let us say by the time you get home
she's cooked you a nice meal
and she is wearing her special lingerie that you love
or maybe nothing and an apron
and she tries to seduce you.
She will go to seduction the lowest level.
She either might apologize
or pretend that nothing's happened
or play it off as oh, she was cranky
or oh, her period's coming
or she needs something, something.
Well, most guys are going to fall for something, something
and they're going to keep falling
and repeat the cycle over and over again.
And if you've done any gaslighting
in your day and time in a relationship
with a woman or anyone else.
Then definitely watch my nice guys playlist
be better not bitter.