It’s The Transfer Market: Player Clearance Auction with Fabrizio Romano
Here we go!
- Today’s first item is Eden Hazard… - One of the greatest attackers in the world!
- Thanks! - Until 2019...
- Harsh… but fair - We’ll start the bidding at 50m!
- Deal! - Oh no, not Newcastle…
- What’s wrong with Newcastle? - They’re even worse than Spurs…
- Newcastle are a big club. - Come on, they’re even lower than Leeds and Everton.
- Fair point, no deal! - Ohh...
Let me just schedule 472 tweets confirming that he is definitely not moving to Newcastle…
100% no way!
- Hey Thomas, bring me home! - Yes, bring him home. We can offer you free delivery...
No thank you, we already have one over-priced hunk of Belgian blubber ruining our season, we don’t need another one…
- Do I hear any offers for Eden Hazard? - I can offer you a season long deal…
- Oh, yes! And who do you work for? - Man vs Food.
- The TV show? - The TV show.
- Deal! Carlo, can we terminate my contract? - Yes, of course we can “Everton” your contract.
- Yes! - Hahaha...
Going once, going twice, done deal! And here we go!
Steven Bergwijn to Ajax, going once, going twice…
- Wait! Item no longer for sale! - What?
- Deal off! 100%! - Bergwijn stays!
- What a turnaround in the last few seconds! - S**t.
Fabrizio, can you tell me when the Divock Origi auction is please?
Next up in the player clearance auction: Luis Suarez…
- Do it! Do it! Do it! - Sign Luis Suarez?
- Yes! - Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Do you know any spells to make people 5-8 years younger? - No…
- Then let’s get out of here… - Noo!
Why Steven? Why?!
Done deal and here we go! Aston Villa have signed a striker!
- Who did he buy? Who? - Jermain Defoe.
You have got to be shi**ing me…
- We’ll buy yo-- - No!
Oh... Hahaha...
No deal and back to Atleti you go!
Well shag a donkey…
Sorry Antony, it’s been four hours and we’ve not had a single nibble…
No deal and away you go!
Our final item is from one of our top suppliers of clearance items, FC Barcelona. It’s Ousmane Dembele!
- Where did it all go wrong… - 135m! Do I hear 135m?
No, of course I don’t hear 135m, because he’s never been worth 135m!
- What? - Do I hear 13.5m?
- 13.5m? Deal! - Who’s this guy?
- I’m the Newcastle manager! - Who-castle?
- Newcastle - Who-castle?
- You know, Haway the toon! - No way the toon…
- Maybe it’s time to sign the contract after all, Ousmane! - A pay as you play deal, no way! I’ll be bankrupt.
How does 25m a season sound?
- 25m? - 25m!
- Does it matter how many games I play? - Nope
- Do I have to pass a medical? - Nope
- Do I have to turn up to training on time? - Yes, of course…
- Hmmm, that’s kind of a deal breaker - Then no, turn up whenever you want!
- Deal! - Ousmane Dembele, going once, going twice…
- 75m! In the shape of a swap deal for Jadon Sancho! - That offer is an insult!
- Plus Antony Martial? - You’re only making things worse!
- Plus Aaron Wan-Bissaka? - Aaron who?
- Think young Dani Alves… - Young Dani Alves?
- Yes, Young Dani Alves. Like, aged 4. When he first kicked a ball. - No deal!
- Plus Ronaldo! - Get out of here!
- Next stop Dortmund! - Ousmane Dembele, going once, going twice…
- 100m! In the shape of a swap deal for Romelu Lukaku! - Deal!
100m? Hahaha. Lukaku’s just a shit Chris Wood. He’s worth 10m tops…
- So is Ousmane… - What?
- And we’ll match Newcastle’s contract offer! - Deal!
You may only play a handful of games this season, but you’ll still get more goal contributions than my whole attack combined!
Going once, going twice… Done deal! And here we go!
Dembele is NOT joining Newcastle. 100% NO WAY!
Oh no… never mind, Dembele with a cruciate is still going to be more usual on the pitch than Lukaku!
Are you two on drugs?
Make sure to follow me, Fabrizio Romano for all the latest transfer news! And the window slams shut!