We've got teddy bears, spies, and suspenders.
Are you ready for a scalding hot cup of K Crunch?
AAAHHH!
[music]
September 2011 is over
and we've already reviewed a bunch of massive Kpop songs
via our Music Monday.
Today we're gonna review some of the lesser known songs
starting with Jay Park's "Demon"
Jay Park released Demon September 5th,
and it's entirely in English
It's an absolutely great song with a Michael Jackson-esque chorus
great singing and great dancing,
and you can really see how talented Jay Park is.
But what he makes up for in talent he lacks in production budget.
Boy was this a HORRIBLE video.
Not the dance sequences, mind you,
but everything else around it.
Sorry Jay Park: we loved Abandoned and Tonight,
But this video looked like you had 20 bucks,
a smoke machine, and three rolls of toilet paper
left over in your production budget to make the video.
Yeah, that girl might be a demon,
but those ghosts look like they're gonna paint my house
before they're gonna haunt it.
What happened here?
Did you hire the director of JYJ's "Ayy Girl" or something?
Seriously: this video looks like something that we'd produce.
Can you imagine how awesome Kpop videos would be
on an Eatyourkimchi budget?
[music]
MBLAQ!
Sorry sorry sorry sorry
bonerama bonerama
mr. simple mr simple
BLOW YOUR MIND
This is every single song now
BLOW YOUR MIND
We're in the same room here
And one more thing: Jay Park, bro,
Remember in Abandoned when you had that girl in the bedroom
and instead of doing anything with her
you just like started singing and crying in front of her?
Yeah, you kind of blew that chance.
Now, you have a hot girl,
LITERALLY FALL FROM THE SKY INTO YOUR BED ON TOP OF YOU
And what do you do, but stand up and lecture her?
Son, I am disappoint.
Someone needs to teach you about the birds and the bees.
"Forget It" was released on September 21st by Jewelry S
A subgroup formed from the band - you guessed it - Jewelry
Is it just me, or does it feel like Jewelry S
fell off the face of the planet since their 2008 single "One More Time"?
Forget it really has more of a Jpop feel to it than a Kpop feel.
I say that because Jpop usually sounds very peppy,
like the opening theme to a comedy family drama
"Forget it" suffers from a real identity crisis.
It starts off like a ballad, really slow,
and then suddenly it changes to this peppy upbeat song
and you're like "YEAH IT'S UPBEAT AND PEPPY!"
and then it goes back to a ballad again.
This video is all about breaking up and forgetting about your ex,
and throughout the whole video,
there's a lot of people dancing in the rain,
which is pretty much the best way to get over your ex:
by catching pneumonia
and we know it's really common for Kpop groups
to dance around sexily in the rain,
but something was a bit confusing about this video:
considering Jewelry S, they all had umbrellas,
and then they just dropped them on the ground
like, Guise, you're doing it wrong.
And perhaps we get one of the most disturbing scenes
we have ever seen in our entire kpop career.
Two, happy smiley Jewelry S girls
sitting in a living room singing
surrounded by cushions and teddy bears
and then suddenly, the teddy bears explode
and yet the girls continue to sing and smile
while the teddy bear genocide continues
and teddy bear guts rain down upon them.
You know, if you had called an ambulance right away
you probably could have saved those teddy bears' lives.
But no: you just keep singing
while those teddy bears spill their guts out everywhere.
You cruel, heartless monsters!
Where is your sense of stuffed toy humanity?
All I know is that after watching this video
I developed horrible night terrors
of Jewelry S coming into my home
and murdering all of my precious stuffed animals.
DING DONG
I'll get it.
Who is it?
It's Jewelry S.
Jewelry S? Why would they be here?
OMG! KOGI!
[music]
KOGI NO! KOGI NOOOOOO
NOooooOOOoooOOO
Oh!
Martina! No! It can't be!
Kogi, you're dry clean only!
Somebody! Anybody! Help!
You'll get dirty.
Call an ambulance! Call and ambulance!
You're dry clean only.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It should have been me who got shot, not you!
No Kogi, don't say that. It was worth it.
Oh doctor!
I am a doctor. It looks like you will make a full recovery.
Isn't that great Kogi?
AHHHH! I'm free from the hospital!
Let's celebrate!
[music]
Next on our list is Kim Kyu Jong's "Yesterday"
which came out on September 27th,
better known as a member of ss501,
He's the last member of ss501 to have his own solo album.
Kyu Jong debuts with a very catchy dance ballad
which for some reason reminds me of an Enrique Englesias,
I don't know, it sounds very...EUROPEAN!
Anyways, he sings about missing a girl
with one of the most interesting dances we've seen in a while,
It'll probably be remembered as the suspender dance,
but we'd personally like to remember it as the wedgie dance.
Seriously! How many of you have worn suspenders before?
If you pull your suspenders,
that just means that you're giving yourself a bigger wedgie.
Uncomfortable!
Now, you know that we have a special place in our hearts for SS501,
We loved "Love Ya"
It brought out one of the most important points
we ever made about Kpop,
the whole Face Arousal Raunchy Thrusting.
But that was so last year!
Face Arousal Raunchy Thrusting is just, too tame now.
This time, Kyu Jong brings out the big guns,
Clearly Obvious Crotch Karessing.
That's right. Karessing. With a K.
That's how we spell it in...Kanada.
Clearly Obvious Crotch Karessing occurs when he,
clearly obviously, runs his hands right down the front of his pants
it's like, not even subtle,
he does it twice: just a big wipe down the front of his zipper,
right there.
It's not as raunchy as a Michael Jackson crotch grab,
But it's a lot more...unsettling.
Moving on to K Drama,
September saw the ending of Myung Wol The Spy,
which I'm currently only several episodes into.
Eric from Shinhwa stars in this drama as Gang Woo
Or, as we call him, Mr. G
G stands for Gedobear.
But Simon made me say that.
Because it's hilarious! Ok.
Anyhow, Eric does a really fantastic job of portraying Gang Woo,
a super narcissistic perfectionist Kpop idol.
For the first couple of episodes
he has a whole bunch of awkward run ins with Myung Wol
Who's supposed to be an elite spy
who's not very good at sneaking or hiding or getting autographs
or anything that's kind of important
like suppressing emotion or stuff like that...
how are you an elite spy again?
Anyways, this drama is actually a comedy,
but the plot is surprisingly thick with lots of double agents
crossing each other and double crossing other people
double crossing things and double crossing fingers when they're lying
and that part doesn't happen, but
it's pretty hard for me to explain this to you without ruining the plot,
Ironically, this drama has a Hallyu crackdown squad,
which - I wonder if it really exists,
and their job is to combat the illegal smuggling of
kpop and drama stuff into other countries
which is kind of funny, considering that
most of the viewers watching this and watching those dramas
probably downloaded or streamed the video
so I think you should probably
RUN FOR IT GUISE RUN FOR IT!
So far, I'm pretty happy that it doesn't rely on a lot of slapstick
which a lot of comedies in Korea seem to do,
but I'm unhappy with where the plot seems to be going.
It looks like the big huge hallyu star
and the creepy girl who's stalking him
are gonna fall in love, and - yeah - I know that's your fantasy and all,
but I just feel that, realistically, that would never happen,
Hey! I'm constantly showing up everywhere you go
and, hey, I'm dangling from the ledge of your balcony,
Fall in love with me!
Trust me: that's not gonna get G Dragon to hold your hand
or Jaejoong to father your babies.
But, if you're lucky, you might get a restraining order!
The end of September saw the birth of Poseidon,
a bla bla bla about bla bla bla bla bla
Who cares! Siwon's in it!
And there's a cameo from U-Know,
If you haven't gotten into Kdramas yet
and you're looking to make the plunge,
what better way to ease into the transition
by staring at Siwon and U-Know wear military uniforms
WOOHOO!
Um, question: will Siwon show up wearing green underpants?
Um, question: will he dance in them?
Oh. I changed my mind then.
But seriously: this drama is one of those action adventure ones.
that's very similar to, like, Iris and Athena.
Except it's focused on the Korean coast guards
and a special unit called - you guessed it -
Potato, I mean...Poseidon.
We got gunfights and we got boats
and we got creepy drug dealers
who like to tattoo people before they kill them
It's looking good so far!
Siwon does a jump kick off of a car
and kicks someone in the face
It's not really necessary, but looked pretty good
Thus far, only four episodes have been released
And I really love the tough, but gentle character Hwang ?? ????
But so far I have really mixed feelings about the main actress,
She doesn't really strike me as being a marine officer,
She kind of lacks the composure, and lacks the look as well,
But one major complaint about the TV show
is the terrible use of music.
During the very first episode, there's this really intense scene
where you kind of, like, raid a drug dealer's boat
and they've got their swat gear on,
and it's super intense,
and in the background there's like, Kpop music playing
with, like, a Kpop rap breakdown
and I'm like.......oh
That's a little bit awkward, right?
I guess I just expected some high intensity spy music
Or some kind of, like, grungy electronic music
I just didn't expect a Kpop rap song
Sure, some of you might say that this is a really small thing to complain about,
but, seriously, if the music is off, it can totally ruin a video,
and give it a completely different vibe.
[appropriate music]
[background ambience]
Sorry, there was a lineup at the washroom.
Oh, no problem!
Sartina, I know today is our one year anniversary,
So there's something really special that I want to do for you,
Mimon, what is it?
I know we've been together such a long long time
and now I want to lay it down on the line,
I have a gift real special,
so take off the top,
take a look inside
It's our anniversary ring. And by anniversary I mean engagement ring!
OMG ARE YOU PROPOSING!
Will you marry me Sartina!
OMG MIMON YES MIMON YES!
[Great song fit for the occasion]
I gotta go tweet this and facebook my friends!
Go brush the coffee stains off your teeth
I'll see you next month for K Crunch!
[K Crunch Music]