So how to deal with nagging husbands
is the title of this video and it's
unusual.
Generally, we get this from men to be
quite candid.
My name is Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation
but as we can see because these are
questions that people write into us with.
It's not gender-based necessarily
so it does happen that husbands become
nagging.
Now, I don't know why
he's doing it and it's not important.
What is important is for you to learn
how to not be irritated by it for you to
learn how to not take it personally
for you to learn how to just
accept that this is who he is,
and I'm not going to just throw that at
you and say, "Hey, you need to learn how to
accept who he is blah blah blah blah,"
that's not nice.
No, I'm going to give you some techniques
some methods for doing that.
But in order to do that, I want to
explain to you kind of how the mind
works
because that foundation of how the mind
works will help you.
The mind, first of all, isn't you.
It's a possession. I don't say that to
your therapist
if you're in counseling because
they have no idea what they're talking
about because they reject
anything that even looks spiritual.
They reject it. I don't know why
they've adopted
that as part of their practice but they
have and
it's unreasonable because we're souls
and we have
bodies. You're not your body you know
that.
Well, you're not your mind either you
have one.
And when the question, the natural
question is, "Well, who has one?"
You and you are a soul so you have this
mind
and it operates in a particular way
just like your body does. Your body
has a structure to it's got components
and it acts mechanically
and so does the mind. The mind acts
mechanically.
So what's going on here for you to even
notice that your husband is
nagging, it's easy to say it's subjective
and it is. Some people may not see him as
nagging
is your mind takes in information
through a filter that your mind
and you have allowed it to do this, that
your mind has
erected so that information coming to
you
is pre-screened. So
you see him or his communication with
you
as nagging understand that's your mind
perceiving it that way. It doesn't
actually mean
that he is nagging. So
where the rubber hits the road in this
if you will
is your mind's filter.
So here's what you can do about it.
When he starts getting naggy
what you do is you step back from your
mind.
You don't go, "Oh, there he goes. He's
nagging again."
You go instead, "My mind is
seeing him as nagging,"
and while he's nagging even you could do
this
while he's nagging and the TV is on, it
doesn't matter.
You go, "Mind, why are you not
liking this?" Okay, because that's what
it's about
because if he started nagging you about
how he's going to buy you
diamonds and jewels, and
take you to a fancy restaurant and all
of that
that's not nagging. This filter has
decided
it doesn't like what he's talking about
so it's labeling it as nagging. That
makes sense.
Doesn't it? Come on, tell the truth. I know
it does
so you got to catch your mind.
And then for sure, do not confront him
about this, do not suggest him that he's
nagging because that's not going to do
any good.
It's only going to hurt his feelings and
in your marriage, you want love and
harmony
and happiness. You don't want to hurt his
feelings
that's not cool. If you bring it up at
all
it's going to hurt his feelings. There is
no good
way and I don't care what the therapists
say. You could talk about I statements.
You could talk about this that blah blah
blah,
nonsense. If you bring it up at all it
will
hurt his feelings. Turn it around. Put
yourself in
his position. If he brought something up
about you that he doesn't like it's
going to hurt your feelings.
It's the way the mind works.
Feelings are part of the mind. Now
there's a higher feelings but we're not
talking about that.
We're talking about emotional reactions,
responses. You have so much to learn
about marriage. You should subscribe to
this channel so you can learn and apply.
So take my word on this,
test it in your own mind. Test it on
paper.
What you really want to do in my opinion
because you should want happiness
is you should A) don't bring it up with
him at all,
at all. Don't react, not with your face.
Don't walk away don't blah blah blah
don't do that. And B)
turn it around. You can interrupt him
with something positive. For instance
and you could be as contrived as you
want it to be
as long as you're striving to be sincere.
Start with contrived because your goal
is to bring happiness into the marriage.
Say, "Wait a minute,
I think I understand what you're talking
about. I totally get it."
Saying I totally get it
even if you don't quite yet
it's going to slow it down. It's
communication
101 and then you say,
"Are you saying...
your understanding of what he's nagging
you about?"
And then you have a whole new
conversation
and use that conversation to express
love.
Smile, twinkle your eyelids
or however that goes, flutter your
eyelids that's what it is
and say, "I get it. I love you!
You're awesome."
I know that sounds corny but it really
isn't
and you could tailor this any way you
want. The whole idea of communication in
marriage
is to lift it up. Make it happier more
loving.
I hope this was helpful to you.
Take care! Thank you for spending time!
Like this, leave a comment if you'd like
and God bless!
Take care!