For the past couple of weeks, I had been thinking
"what could possibly have caused these random audits from the IRS?"
So I invited my accountant over to discuss plans.
(Sudden braking noise) Cib: Oh! Oh Jesus! Steven: Are you kidding me?
After breaking my bike, and my spine in 3 places,
My accountant was finally there
and it was time to talk business.
Did you bring the...the tax documents at least
Yeah!
I...well I have some documents that'll work.
I know what you're thinking. "You're using Cib as a financial planner/accountant?"
Hear me out.
Sure he may have steered into me, but he's never steered me wrong financially
And I needed his help more than anything, to discover what was happening with my missing money
And why I was being audited.
Real sick of your attitude today Steve.
It's fine, just let me get this tax stuff done; it's been a burden.
The reason that I wanted...uh... accountant to be here today is because - god dammit...ohhhh.
I have a strong feeling that my tax guy, is screwing me over, and taking...hoards of cash
And that's why I was audited, because really my money's not going to the government
It's going to him.
And that's why i brought my accountant here today, to bring the records.
Yup.
With taxes...it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's, left or it's right, there's no inbetween,
And my client here is emotionally damaged, physically damaged,
And I'm ready to sue
We can sue him right there and then; I have a wedding license.
I knew I could count on Cib to get my money back
I'll be honest, I felt petty, but I was still a little frustrated with Cib for breaking my entire spine.
But I needed to set aside my frustrations and talk game plan.
We're gonna go in there, we're gonna play hard ball.
Where are we going?
To the tax place James thats why we brought you!
Oh yeah.
Well...I uh.. let's go get him I guess. I think we're ready.
I'll fuck you up. I'll fuck you up. I'll fuck you up.
I actually respect you as a human being.
Gotcha!
Dalai Lama
Dalai Muhammed
Orange Creator
Running backie's big red rash.
Unfortunately we were almost late for the meeting because James kept picking up other peoples scraps.
I didn't know how the meeting was gonna go,
but I knew it was gonna go well.
In the drive to my tax guy's office, we talked strategy, and James got an unexpected call.
On the right side?
No, not yet - oh shit hold on i'm getting a phone call.
Hello?
This is him. Sorry this is he.
Are you sure?
What was the asking price?
Aye aye captain.
Guys I think I just got drafted.
YOOO *slight laugh*
We finally made it to the meeting.
And Cib gave me some words of advice.
Don't fall for it. Don't fall for any of his tricks.
He's gonna say a lot of things.
Like what?
Just spitballing here, uh, "Cib is, stealing money from you, embezzling money from the company."
I just hope that you know better and are a better, you know, judgement of character.
No yeah. I got your back dude all the way. Honestly.
I got my back too.
Hey! How ya been?
Man:Good, good to see you.
Awesome, good to see you too, uh, this is my accou-
This is my accountant.
Ok.
Kaleidos.
Kaleidos?
Cib: Mhmm. Steven: Like Kaleidoscope.
Might as well get this meeting underway!
Man: Alright. Steven: See how it goes!
Just anywhere?
So, you know, I just had a couple questions about my uh my tax documents this year and you know that-
oh
Um... I just had a couple questions about uh you know, where my money is going
and where it's ending up because it just seems like there's some, a-along the way theres - its - trailing off and
i'm - I'm getting charged for stuff that I shouldn't be getting charged for from the IRS.
Man: You gotta ask Donald Trump!
Steve and Cib: *fake laughter*
So, first and thing, and foremost thing that I wanted to ask you was,
Wh-
Wheres all that ha-happening to go about?
Hm?
It doesn't seem like we've talked about anything really.
I'll be honest, it seemed like Cib didn't know anything that he was talking about.
But I thought that maybe that was part of his game plan.
Are you intimidated?
By the guns for hands earlier.
How I see it is like, I give, I give Kaleidos the money to put in certain different, like investment...um....investments
He can invest it for me. And then also he puts it towards taxes as well.
and you work together right?
You've seen him.
Surprisingly, that sounded like the truth.
Where..did it go?
You don't have the tax money?
Man: It goes to the government.
Yeah but you didn't...get it.
You did get it. From me.
Something wasn't right. And I-I feared the worst.
I know that you told me not to believe him, and his lies, but honestly he sounds very convincing.
And this is kind of a big bummer, if my best friend and my accountant is screwing me over.
Can you just tell me the truth, just for once in your gosh-dang-fucking-jeez life dude?
Just do me this one solid.
He's embezzling money from the company.
and, I knew it and I tried to stop him. But he's got my kids.
Well you've gotta give them back.
Not the direction I saw coming, but exciting non the less.
My audit situation was solved
It was time to head home.
Ok so um. Wow.
When is that return coming? Is what I'm curious about.
Woowee. We were driving the gar-gravy train back all the way to Scottsville.
No conductor baby.
It was almost the end of the day and I just had one final thing to do.
In order to repair my bike, I needed to walk it all the way to the nearest bike repair store.
Obviously because of my 1% status.
and owing a coupe.
The walk was mighty tiring. Ha ha ha ha.
Especially with a broken spine.
But even still, James had a tough time keeping up.
On the way to the bike repair store I saw a guy who looked-real cool.
And I was legitimately interested in being his friend.
Well i'm sure i'll see him around.
After a few miles of walking, we were almost there!
(Progressively louder) I could taste it. I could taste it. I could taste it. I could taste it!
After a few hours of bartering, I finally understood that bartering was not part of their policy.
So I dropped off my bike in hopes to some day retrieve it fixed.
My bike and my spine may be broken, but I Steven Suptic *inaudible mumbling*