>> NARRATOR: The Modern Rogue.
>> BRIAN: To the dumbest thing we've ever done.
>> Why is it that whenever we hang out,
that I find myself in a hazmat suit.
Not even good ones.
>> It's called a clean suit when it's all white like this.
Second of all, these are just the hazmat suits
from the last shoot, turned inside out.
Jason Murphy, are you scared of chemicals?
>> Depends on the chemical.
Booze, I'm okay with booze.
>> Ethanol you're cool with.
>> Ethanol's good.
This looks like something that's going to get us arrested.
>> We are going to get hands on,
with some of the most dastardly chemicals
ever used for pranks.
Now, first of all, to be clear,
we are not saying that anyone should use these for pranks.
They should only be used on consenting adults,
in appropriate situations.
However, these are some nasty, freaking chemicals.
>> That's why you told me to bring a change of clothes,
isn't it?
>> NARRATOR: Desiccated oleoresin capsicum.
>> Now you remember this guy right?
>> Oh, let me, let me--
I immediately felt it, like, stinging my face.
Oh, yes I do, actually.
>> This is a completely desiccated powder form.
You ever see a ninja?
>> You know I've seen a lot of ninja movies.
You do it to me.
>> Really? >> Yeah.
Because, something worse it coming.
That's a lot, that's a lot.
That's a lot.
Who are you, why are you in my room?
[blows powder]
>> That's--oh geez, oh god!
[laughs]
>> Are you all right?
What's it like?
>> Ah, it's like Satan farted in my face.
[laughs]
>> Oh god, I'm getting it, getting it.
>> Okay, it's just getting worse.
I don't even know if I can see you to--
All right, yarr I have ninja powder.
>> I'm here for your treasure sir.
Oh, Jesus!
[flails arms]
>> It's no good man.
>> I just tried to fly.
[sneezes]
>> Oh, there it is.
>> NARRATOR: Hypanthium of rosa rugosa.
>> It's a total, plant-based thing.
Can you pull off your--
I was going to do a little down your back.
>> Down my back?
>> Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
>> Going to ruin my entire weekend, this is.
>> Just a dash, all right?
Here we go. >> Do it.
>> Do you feel anything? >> No.
I felt you dab some sort of powder-- Oh!
Oh, that's not good.
>> Wait, what's happening?
>> It's itching.
>> Here, let me do-- let me do a little more.
>> Okay that's--
Yeah, I think we're good. >> All right, there we go.
>> Oh, oh no no no.
That's way worse.
>> Wait, what do you mean?
>> Oh, it's just a bunch of like, thorns and stickers
all down my back.
>> All right, because I am on fire all over
my [beep] body right now.
Don't breathe it in, not for internal use.
>> Yeah.
Is that going to come out of my skin?
>> You got to take a shower.
>> Oh, you ass.
>> NARRATOR: Salmonidae diarrhetic simulant.
>> Used by the military, as a diarrhetic simulant.
>> It's going to make me grab my pants?
>> It is meant to simulate human diarrhea,
both in smell and texture.
I don't know how to be kind about this.
>> No, you're getting it.
>> Oh my god!
Oh my god, do you smell that?
Oh god, don't-- Oh god, no, stop, stop!
Oh god!
>> I can't, I can't smell it.
>> Dude, you will now.
>> Oh, oh no, no!
No. >> Oh dammit!
>> This is bad man.
>> That was barely any of it.
God, it's right under my nose and you can't stop it.
>> NARRATOR: Triarylmethane family of chemicals.
>> Purple rain, is from the--
I'm going to try to say this right.
The triarylmethane family of chemicals.
We're just going to get a little--
You don't even see that.
You don't see this either.
>> Just a little powder. >> Nothing.
>> Just a little powder. >> That's all I'm going to do.
>> It's not going to burn, is it, or smell like poop?
>> The more you wipe that off-- >> Oh, wow.
>> The more it's just going to go everywhere.
And every little bit of powder--
Look at this, on my hands.
The more liquid, it starts to spread.
>> Yeah, so this will get, like, everywhere.
Because just a-- >> Dude, that was nothing.
>> Tiny, tiny bit of powder.
>> Like this is how afraid I am,
about getting it all over this work place.
You sprinkle this around-- >> And it reacts.
>> Or you throw it up in the air.
>> And it reacts with just a little bit of moisture.
>> Correct, and it sits there in desiccated dry format,
forever and ever.
And eventually liquid gets on it and it [explodes],
you got purple crap that'll stain forever.
That's totally ruined.
I hope you weren't planning to wear that to a wedding.
>> NARRATOR: Industrial grade yellow food dye.
>> This one is an industrial food grade dye.
It is a highly concentrated mixture
of FD&C Yellow-- god, No. 5 and No. 6.
It's fine.
Dude, I'm telling you,
that purple will be everywhere forever.
Even if you had this in a clear cup,
I could pour this in and you not would tell,
on a cola or coffee.
>> So it's completely safe to digest.
>> I ain't say that.
>> Wait, did you put the whole damn thing in mine?
>> I didn't say that either.
You drop that in there,
they don't see nothing.
>> Salud.
>> To the dumbest thing we've ever done.
>> You have the teeth of a lifetime smoker.
>> I'm going to do my old lady impression, hold on.
[cackles]
>> Oh my god!
You look like a damn demon!
[laughs]
>> Stick your tongue out.
Oh, wow.
It's not, I mean your teeth look gross, but it's--
>> But it's like you taste nothing though, right?
Nothing looks or tastes different.
>> NARRATOR: Super absorbent polymer.
>> I would never do this,
but I want you to imagine somebody went to the toilet,
and used a super absorbent polymer,
and maybe turned it into, two gallons of gel.
>> Back up, super absorbent polymer?
>> Yes, but not just any super absorbent polymer,
because you can get what magicians call slush powder,
out of diapers and such.
This is some heavy-duty stuff,
originally formulated, among other things,
for sexual devices.
>> Well don't waste it.
>> If somebody were truly a bad person,
I would imagine they would fill the bowl first,
and then, jellify it.
>> All right, I don't know what the punch line is.
Wait, jellify?
>> None of this for internal use.
And then just--
Oh yeah, so anyway, good luck with that.
This is designed to totally absorb all the water,
and the entire thing will become one thick gel.
All right, so will give this time,
we'll come back to it.
You're slime! >> Oh it's total goo!
>> Look at that, it just slurped back in!
It goes--
[laughs]
Look at that!
That is amazing.
Can you imagine, it doesn't flush because, it's that.
>> JASON: They're either going to call a plumber, or a doctor.
>> NARRATOR: Military grade putricant.
>> All right, now it's time for the grand daddy.
>> What's-- Oh.
>> This is military grade putricant.
>> That word.
Putricant?
>> We're going to put it in the box,
so we can throw the box away.
It's made from low molecular weight thiol compounds.
They say half a thing is enough to clear a room and so on.
Oh my god, I already smell it.
>> That's worse that than dew drop?
>> So nor-- Oh dear.
Okay, so normally you spray an aerosol,
and that just blows out with wind, right?
>> Yeah, yeah.
>> This is liquid that permeates stuff,
and it will stink forever.
Oh, hello, did you smell it?
>> Oh!
Oh my god!
>> It's garlic skunk!
>> It's like a skunk from hell!
Don't get that on you.
It smells like sulfur and ass.
>> Okay, if this got on a carpet,
it would permeate right through the carpet.
>> That's worse than the dew drops man.
[coughs]
I'm closing it, I'm closing it.
You going to put some goo in there?
>> Yeah, put goo in it .
>> Oh, Jesus.
>> Make it-- Somebody's going to think an alien landed.
>> Okay, I'm closing it man. >> No.
>> No? >> Yes.
>> Yes. >> Yes.
Let's go throw it in the dumpster.
>> Yeah, okay.
[box thuds]
[lid slams shut]
>> Well, that was the worst thing we've ever done.