(VERSE 1) THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY, NONE IN SIGHT FOR SOME MILES
TODAY'S A DAY FOR GOOD VIBES, MOODS, MOMENTS AND SMILES
JUST BOUGHT A BRAND NEW GRILL, EVEN ONE FOR THE SMILE
FIRIN UP THE PROPANE, PREPARING UP SOME PATTIES IN STYLE
AMY BROUGHT SOME DESSERT AND KNUCKLES BROUGHT THE ALE
TAILS BROUGHT SOME POTATO SALAD, BUT THEN MY SURVEILLANCE CAMERA
NOTIFIED ME AN EGG SHAPED MAN WAS TRESPASSING
PUT A SPATULA THROUGH HIS HEAD, HE'S WELL DONE, BUT I PREFER MEDIUM RARE.
WRIST WRAPS, PUNCH PADS, HEAVY BAGS
TRAINING BOXING WITH KNUCKLES THROWING SOME DEADLY JABS
AND I'M WHACKING THE SPEED BAG SO RAPID YOU'D ASSUME THAT DUDE RABID
THEN A HAND TRIED TO LAND ONE AND SUCKER ME IT WAS EGGMAN, UPPERCUTTED HIM
GOT A GOOD WORKOUT IN.. THEN I MET UP WITH AMY
SHE COMPLIMENTED MY BODY. SHE SAID MY MUSCLES VEINY
EXPLAINED TO ME THAT SHE ALWAYS CRAVE ME PROBABLY GONNA MAKE SOME HEDGEHOG BABIES
IT ISN'T A SHOCK, MISTER ROBOTNIK COCK BLOCK CUZ HE PROBABY DON'T GET NO ACTION LATELY
AT THE CASINO, I'M IN MY ZONE BOUT TO WIN ME TEN THOUSANDS BONES
I'M GONNA BE MAKIN HIGHROLLERS FOLD ROYAL FLUSH THAT I'M BOUT TO SHOW
BALLING CUZ I'M ALL IN, LAY MY CHIPS
AND OF ALL OF A SUDDEN THE TABLE FLIPS
NOW I'M PISSED, GONNA GET WHIPPED, EGGMAN, MEET MY F*CKIN WHISK.
SONIC GOT THE SPEED THAT'S THE REASON YOU AIN'T NEVER EVER GONNA COME CLOSE
ROBOTNIK OBSOLETE NO COMPETE SONIC KEEP YOU RUNNING TIL YOUR LUNGS SLOW
BECAUSE YOU'RE WAY...TOO... SLOW...
WAY TOO SLOW
FEELING FURIOUS, FEEL SO FREAKIN' FEROCIOUS NOW
CAME TO THE CONCLUSION, THIS WON'T STOP TIL I SHUT IT DOWN
I CAN'T ALLOW THESE INTRUSIONS TO RUIN MY MOOD
IT'S MY CUE TO END IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.. THIS PROBLEM GON' GET RESOLVED
I'M REALLY ANNOYED, WHAT'S THE POINT THAT YOU ENJOY THIS SO MUCH?
WHEN I WANT TO AVOID YOU, YOU SOIL ANYTHING THAT I DO, NOW I'M BOILING
BROILING TO THE POINT THAT THE BOY SCORCHING MORE THAN A BLOWTORCH
NOW I'M FOILING YOUR VILLAINOUS PLOY
I'M THE HEDGEHOG YOU CAN'T DESTROY
NOW I'M INSIDE YOUR LABORATORY!
THIS LABORATORY'S A GHOST TOWN
ALL I SEE ARE SOME EGG SHELLS AND EMPTY CARTONS LEFT ON THE GROUND
I TURN AROUND AND SPOT DOC ROBOTNIK COME OUT OF A
HOLE IN HIS FLATSCREEN, BUT HIS MUSTACHE NOT BROWN ENOUGH??
LINING UP A RED LASER RIGHT AT MY FACE AND NO IT'S NOT LASIK
GRAZING THE HAIR TO MY BLUE-ISH BODY, JUMPED OUT THE WAY JUST LIKE MATRIX
OFF THE WALL, GONNA KEEP ROLLING LIKE A BALL I'M HARDCORE WITH THE PARKOUR AND THE CARDIO'S MARVELOUS
I COULD EVEN OUTRUN A CAR ENGINE
HE WANT WAR LIKE THE SPARTANS DID WAY TOO SLOW, I'M TOO HARD TO HIT
TAKING OUT TRASH IN THE LAB HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS OWN GARBAGE BIN
HE'S IN RAGE SO HE REVS THE ENGINE STARTS PICKING UP MOMENTUM
I'M SPINNING LIKE YO-YO, GO GET 'EM HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE CHEST, NOW HE'S DEAD, IT'S ENDED.
I WIPING BLOOD FROM MY EYELIDS LOOK UP AND TO MY SURPRISE ITS
NOT JUST A HOLE IN A FLATSCREEN BUT A PORTAL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION
IT'S A WORLD OF MULTIPLIED EGGMEN IT'S HOW HE'S BEEN REVIVING, I'M GUESSING
IT'S TIME TO PUT THIS SHIT TO A STOP, SO SONIC BOUT TO GO STEP IN (CHORUS)
SONIC GOT THE SPEED THAT'S THE REASON YOU AIN'T NEVER EVER GONNA COME CLOSE
ROBOTNIK OBSOLETE NO COMPETE SONIC KEEP YOU RUNNING TIL YOUR LUNGS SLOW
BECAUSE YOU'RE WAY...TOO... SLOW...
WAY TOO SLOW...
AHAHAHAHA
Lets see how well you do against
TWO wrecking balls!
You blasted hedgeho-
Ooh!
Ah!
Ow!
OW!
Uh!
Ow!
Ooh!
Pathetic.
In my 25 years of experience as a machine warfare specialist
I, Svitlana Volkov
have NEVER SEEN SUCH AN OUTRAGEOUS DISPLAY OF INEPTITUDE!
And what is with this machine's design?
Uh, well originally it had a big water cannon
You see it-
SILENCE!
Your 'designs' are convoluted and senseless.
Take this abomination for instance.
It attaches to a big water-fulled centrifuge and then...
Spins it for a bit?
Why?!
Uh...
To make Sonic dizzy?
Right...
And what about this useless robot you built
that LITERALLY beats itself up?
Yeah... that was a slight oversight.
And lets talk about your 'mean bean machine'.
...Lets not!
Where you play a game of
Puyo puyo
against your nemesis.
Okay okay, I get it!
DO YOU?!
Because here are the mistakes you keep making!
FIRST!
You give the blue hedgehog ample space to run and jump
which are TWO things he's REALLY good at!
SECOND!
You give your machines
a glaring weak spot
mostly by exposing your COCK PIT!
Excuse me?!
Oh oh!
Cock 'pit', got it, ok.
THIRD!
Your strategies are unreliable and predictable.
Your weapons are constantly used against you.
What am I supposed to do? I've tried everything!
Lava tank!
Drill car!
Pinball machine!
Nothing works.
Tchah! That's because you're hopeless.
But don't worry.
Svitlana will ensure GLORIOUS VICTORY!
END OF THE LINE MISTER HEDGEHOG!
Well done, Doctor.
Now DESTROY THAT VERMIN!
Well, I- I- I don't know about this Miss Volkov
It wasn't much of a fight.
That's the point you dunce.
Now.
CRUSH HIM!
But- but- but this just feels
U- unsatisfying.
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Haha, I guess it's been more about the chase than about the catch
Haha
Yuch, you spineless coward.
If you won't finish this, I WILL!
Keep your hands off my machine!
I built it!
It's mine I'll do with it what I want
YAHHHHHH!
Self-destruct sequence initiated.
You installed a self-destruct system?!
Of course I did!
It's evil war-machine 101!
I thought you were an expert!
Why won't this door open?! #$&@!
Because it's half a ton of steel!
You said no weak points!
I knew working for idiots like you would be the death of me!
There you are blue balls! I’ve got a riddle for ya,
what’s fast, spikey and about to get his butt kicked
in a sparring session with yours truly? Pass.
Wha? Come on pal, you get back all Hollywood and you’re too
good to work out with your old buddy Knuck knuck?
Yep. That sounds right. You gotta lotta ner...
OHMYGODSONICYOU’REFINALLYBACKTELLUSEVERYTHING!!!!
Oh hey, little fox guy and mallet girl.
Fox guy? You’re the funniest Sonic!
I made you a welcome home present to welcome you… uh… home!
Shoot something!
CHILI DOGS! Your favourite!
Anything you shoot will turn into delicious chili dogs!
Don’t you love it?!
Honestly? I’m mainly a juice guy now, a bit of fish for protein,
but yeah, no ‘dogs’ on the menu.
That goes for you too Hammertime!
Sonic? What happened to y...
Oh no!
That dastardly villain Robotnik has set that Metal Sonic monster loose
in the Chemical Plant Zone!
Sonic, you’ve got to stop him.
URG! If it will make the three of you leave
me the hell alone then fine!
What a shit head.
Prepare to be disassembl...
At-ta-tah! Two seconds..
Prepa...
Nah-ah! I’ll be right with you, toolbox.
Watch the shoes douche! Fricking Kanye gave me these
while he was in one of his manic states!
I smell burn...
Over here!... dumbass... fox...
No! that’s not me…
come back stupid fu.. huh?
Where? Where am I?
Ahah! Awake at last, are we my mechanical marvel?
Mech-whatical Who-val?
Still a bit scrambled for your run in with
that accursed rodent I see.
No no no no no!
Calm yourself, calm yourself. The damage must be worse than I feared.
What you need is a full overhaul. To the Robotnikator!
The wha... AHHHHHHHH
No! No no no no no! Not the butt!
Go to a happy place, go to a happy place Mother of god
Mama?
My poor Sonic. Give him some air!
I don't know. He looks a little screwy to m-...
Oh yeah, that’s my guy!!!
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s back to work I go,
but I have no need for a bucket and spade just my trusty mechanized multi-tool!
Multi-tool!? Listen you bald-
Gah!! I mean...affirmative...
Eggcellent! Let us begin...
Blaurrg! OH… the horror…
Blaurrg! I had no idea.
I just need to get through this,
as soon as my friends realize they’re with this metal psycho,
they’ll come rescue me in no time.
Sick bastard.
Metal Sonic. Report to my quarters.
Urgh! I-I bet the old nutbag
I mean, Master wants a foot rub.
R-R- reporting for duty Sir. Beep Boop.
Why so formal?
It’s Wednesday, or as I like to call it...
HUMP DAY!
Work hard, play harder. Engage pleasure mode!
Huh... that's odd...
Nooo Nooo! I’ve got to get back...
Back to my friends, Fox guy...
kuck Knuck and.. And Amy, Poor innocent Amy.
if that sex-toy on legs gets to her, she’ll she’ll...
MARRY IT?!
Two Sonics?
TWO?! B-But I’m the REAL Sonic! Right?
One of them’s gotta be a phony!
But which one? They look identical! There must be a way to tell them apart!
There is...
If there’s one thing the real Sonic can’t
resist, it’s a fresh chilli dog!
Chili dogs... You know buddy, I’ve never
wanted a chili dog as much in my li-
That’s so Sonic!
What the actual fu...
There you are! We better get you inside, after all, it is Wednesday!