Item #: SCP-190-DE
Object Class: Euclid
Secure Containment Procedures: Direct containment of SCP-190-DE-1 and -2 is currently considered
too costly and counterproductive. They are allowed to continue their business on the
condition that they inform the Foundation's staff at all times where and when they will
appear next. They are also required to keep the special characteristics of SCP-190-DE-3
and the nature and origin of their non-terrestrial natural resources secret. SCP-190-DE-3 is
to be equipped with a GPS tracker and all quality and health inspections are to be carried
out by Foundation certified personnel.
SCP-190-DE is to be monitored at all times by Foundation personnel, but not to be informed
of this fact. If one or both entities actively attempt to avoid being monitored by the Foundation,
the Midgard protocol is to be enacted.
Description: SCP-190-DE are two entities with a humanoid appearance. SCP-190-DE-1 has the
appearance of a 40 year old, 196 cm tall, muscular man with long blond hair and a full
beard. SCP-190-DE-2 has the appearance of a 40-year-old woman with a size of 179 cm.
SCP-190-DE-2 is bald but conceals it with a brown wig. Both claim to be the Nordic gods
Thor and Sif, but this has not yet been conclusively proven or refuted.
SCP-190-DE-1 and -2 operate a small mobile kebap joint (hereinafter referred to as SCP-190-DE-3)
with the name The Turkish Walhalla that offers dishes and drinks corresponding to such an
establishment. SCP-190-DE-1 always works at the front of the counter, serving and talking
to customers, while SCP-190-DE-2 takes care of meal preparation.
Although SCP-190-DE-3 looks like a normal snack car painted in white, it has several
special features. Instead of a vehicle, SCP-190-DE is towed by two domestic goats Capra aegagrus
hircus, which can reach speeds of up to 70 km/h.
DNA tests showed that they are completely normal goats.
These extraordinary abilities are readily accepted and ignored by bystanders, presumably
due to an antimemetic effect. Furthermore, SCP-190-DE-3 has larger internal dimensions
than what should logically be possible with its external dimensions. Thus it has a usable
area of approx. 70 m2, which is occupied by kebap grills, ovens, refrigerators and other
objects necessary for a kebap joint. However, some of them are arranged in such a way that
this spatial discrepancy cannot be determined by outside glances. SCP-190-DE-3 is also capable
of spontaneously disappearing with a flash of light and reappearing at another location.
The time between disappearance and reappearance does not follow any laws that are apparent
to the Foundation. SCP-190-DE-1 explained in this context that they were still "visiting
other worlds" in between.
SCP-190-DE-1s and SCP-190-DE-2s DNA is human, but both show a much higher body performance
and vitality, but only a normal human intellect. It was observed how SCP-190-DE-1 and -2 worked
consistently for a whole week without signs of fatigue. Tests on their resistance to various
influences have not yet been carried out, but both entities are immune to narcotics
in all doses and weak poisons used so far. SCP-190-DE-1 has asked to refrain from such
tests in the future, otherwise things would become "really uncomfortable". Due to their
physical strength and resilience, the Foundation expects high losses in its attempted containment
and is refraining from doing so for the time being due to its peaceableness, willingness
to cooperate, and desire to remain undiscovered.
SCP-190-DE has so far traveled around Northern and Central Europe to sell its food. Both
entities speak the languages of all countries they visit fluently and apparently know the
local laws for the commercial distribution of food, the keeping of goats and behavior
in local traffic. It has not yet been observed that any of the entities deliberately broke
any of these laws.
Although SCP-190-DE sells ordinary foods and beverages, it also offers dishes with a range
of ingredients whose biological source cannot be found on earth. Before the Foundation contained
them, they praised it as "the best of all nine realms".
Discovery: SCP-190-DE was discovered when Foundation-webcrawler flagged a finding in
the database of the Baden-Württemberg Ministry for Rural Areas and Consumer Protection which
stated that the meat used by SCP-190-DE could not be clearly attributed to an animal. Also,
SCP-190-DE-3s actually impossible dimensions were mentioned. Foundation agents were sent
to investigate the case.
Interview with SCP-190-DE-1
Note: This is the first interview with SCP-190-DE-1. Agent Wilder stepped up to SCP-190-DE-3 and
started talking to SCP-190-DE-1. Due to the late hour, no other customers were present.
Agent Wilder: Hello, nice weather we're having this evening.
SCP-190-DE-1: Oh, yeah, can't complain. What will it be?
Agent Wilder: I'm not here because I'm hungry, during a food inspection very strange meat
and vegetables were found here. Can you tell me anything about it?
SCP-190-DE-1: Are you sure? We make every effort to prepare everything properly, and
none of our customers has complained as of yet.
Agent Wilder: I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. Can I have your name for the protocol?
SCP-190-DE-1: Yes, of course, I'm Thorsten, Thorsten Nordmann, with "Th".
Agent Wilder: Okay… tell me, where do you get your meat from?
SCP-190-DE-1: Oh, here and there. Where dealers just offer something at a good price. Also
applies to the vegetables and other ingredients. But we also go hunting for some things ourselves.
Of course only where it is allowed.
Agent Wilder: Are you allowed to hunt?
SCP-190-DE-1: Yes, of course, I got a special hunting license. Take a look!
SCP-190-DE-1 pulls out a wallet, apparently made of goatskin, and pulls out the said document
to show it to Agent Wilder.
Agent Wilder: Hm, everything seems to be fine with that. What kind of animals do you hunt?
SCP-190-DE-1: Oh, well, wild boars, deer, partridges, lindworms-
Agent Wilder: Lindworms??
SCP-190-DE-2:(From the back) THOSE DON'T EXIST HERE, YOU MORON!
SCP-190-DE-1: (To the back) YOU'RE NOT HELPING, SIF!
Agent Wilder: Wait a minute… Sif… You call yourself Thorsten… let me guess, the
names of your goats have something to do with teeth grinding, right?
SCP-190-DE-1 looks embarrassed .
SCP-190-DE-1: Well…
Agent Wilder: Mr. Nordmann, I have been working in this milieu for some time and I have to
say you are a lousy liar. Who are you really?
SCP-190-DE-1: Well, uh, to be frank, you know, I, uh…
SCP-190-DE-2:(From the back) JUST TELL HIM YOU'RE THE GOD OF THUNDER, GEEZ!
SCP-190-DE-1: (To the back) SIF, WHO WOULD BUY THAT?!
Agent Wilder: I would.
SCP-190-DE-1: Wait, what?
Agent Wilder: Well, my employer deals with people like you. I actually came because of
the meat and the big car inside but are you really Thor?
SCP-190-DE-1: Oh, what the heck. Yes, I am Thor, God of thunder, strength, healing and
oak trees.
Agent Wilder: Hmm. How does the god of thunder get to operate a kebap joint?
SCP-190-DE-1: Everyone needs money to live, gods are no exception, and nowadays, nobody
really pays any tribute to us Asgardians. You know, with all those christians…
Agent Wilder: Why a fast food joint? And why Turkish food?
SCP-190-DE-1: Well, I tried the weather service first, but I didn't get through the trial
period. Then I wanted to become a grocer together with Sif. I wanted to sell organic food exclusively,
that's why our shop was called Eco-Thor. But people preferred to go to the supermarket
and then I had to shut down. All I had left was my chariot. One day I went to buy kebap
to eat something else, and there I had the flash of genius. A greek colleague of mine
had opened a gourmet restaurant in the Aegean Sea, so I thought I could do that too. Instead
of becoming the god of thunder, I would become the god of kebap. I had my car pimped out
by the dwarves and since then the money has been flowing again.
Agent Wilder: Really? Just like that?
SCP-190-DE-1: Hey, sleep in a goat cart with your wife for five years with no roof over
your head because your father kicked you out. Then you'll get really desperate. I had to
put my last savings into this place.
Agent Wilder: I see… this thing with your father-
SCP-190-DE-1: None of your damn business.
Agent Wilder: Alright. Why are you hiding from the public? As Thorsten Nordmann, I mean.
SCP-190-DE-1: Do you know how embarrassing that would be if the Vanir found out that
the once mighty Thor has to operate a kebap joint to keep himself above water? Please,
that's the last thing I want.
Agent Wilder: I see. If you like, my organization can support you. For certain conditions, of
course.
SCP-190-DE-1: What kind of conditions?
Agent Wilder: Well, you'd have to take all non-terrestrial ingredients off the menu or
at least hide them somehow, attach a tracking device to your car, and keep us informed of
where you're going. In return, we'll cover such annoying stuff like health inspection
and food inspection for you.
SCP-190-DE-1: Hm, doesn't sound too bad. But I can't do without the ingredients, that's
what makes the customers come in.
Agent Wilder: If you wish, I can send you a few specialists to negotiate the exact conditions
with you. I'm sure we can work something out.
SCP-190-DE-1: What's the deal? What if we refuse?
Agent Wilder: I'm afraid we'll have to take you into custody. You are gods, you could
do all sorts of damage.
SCP-190-DE-1: Listen, will you? I am the protector of Midgard, so I will protect this world and
not destroy it, by my honor. As far as I'm concerned, lock me up, but if you as much
as touch Sif, I'm gonna get really angry-
SCP-190-DE-2:(From the back) AT LEAST LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE. WE CAN STILL GET OUT OF THE
DEAL!
SCP-190-DE-1: (To the back) ALRIGHT, HONEY!
Closing Addendum: SCP-190-DE-1 and -2 agreed with Foundation representatives not to advertise
their ingredients in an obvious manner, but to continue to use them after thorough analysis,
and agreed to the terms set forth in the security measures. Foundation agents monitor the joint
without SCP-190-DE's knowledge to intervene in the event of an information leak.
Addenum190-DE-1:
Note: The following recording is a phone call received by SCP-190-DE-1 on 09/05/2017. Due
to the nature of the recording, it was not possible to record what was said by the other
party. The telephone conversation was conducted in Ancient Nordic and translated for better
understanding. It should be noted that words were used that do not exist in Ancient Norse.
The meaning of these words was therefore inferred from the context.
SCP-190-DE-1's phone is ringing. It looks apparently annoyed at the displayed number
before answering the call.
That you have the guts to call me.
Don't pretend as if I forgot that.
Uhu.
No, business is good. I'm not giving up on this now.
It makes me look ridiculous, all right! Big words from someone who rides an eight-legged
horse!
Hey, I still make more money than you!
Yeah, what do you expect? There are now millions of duplicates of Draupnir, so the price is
going down.
That's your problem, then put the dogs on a diet!
Like there's gonna be so much food on your table. Stop drinking mead and eat something
decent.
Speaking of which, was the tree doctor there?
Ah…
Just a regular mushroom infection, I say, but no, the dear Sir must dismiss it as magical!
Can you fix that?
Oh…
I'm still not going there! No!
Oh, Father, I don't care who slays the snake! I was supposed to die, remember?
Then ask for Indra in India, he'll be more than willing to do that.
This guy's trained for that kind of stuff. And he even has a club to do it.
I realize it's not a hammer, but take what you can get.
Look, you can do this thing, but without me, is that clear?
LEAVE MY KIDS OUT OF THIS!
Yes.
You'd better.
Loki? No, I haven't see him. Ask the Olympians.
He did what?
Oh, the Kamis won't be very happy about that…
Me? What are you thinking? He can catch those critters himself. Goodbye!
Addenum190-DE-2: In the following the steps of protocol Midgard are described.
If SCP-190-DE wishes to evade Foundation control, the following steps should be taken.
All Foundation coverage is withdrawn and tips on violations in SCP-190-DE-3 are passed to
the local health department. Should SCP-190-DE wish to evade the health
check or reject the decision of the health commissioners to prevent the closure of their
store, step 1 is to be repeated in each new city where they appear. In addition, the kebap
joint must be defamed through social media to force closure.
If SCP-190-DE does not cooperate again by this time, the kebap joint must be closed
and all entities taken into custody by MTF DE6-𝔇 "Das Aufgebot" (i. e. "The Draft")
with the possible support of several units of MTF DE4-𝔙 "Die Verteidiger". All of
them must then be transferred to Site-DE17 and placed in containment.