- The freak stuff in the bedroom.
If race sprinkles, is put into that context,
what do we think of that? Like.
- How would race be put into the bedroom?
- Use your imagination.
(group laughing)
(upbeat music)
- [Interviewer] I have unintentionally been racist
towards my partner.
Three, two, one. Go.
(chiming music)
(uncomfortable laughter)
- I've definitely been ignorant.
- So we were.
(group laughing)
- I wrote it down.
- So we had an argument and I was upset
and I had previously expressed how the stereotype,
or the stigma on angry black man or angry black women
and how that makes me feel. And so we got into an argument.
I was an angry black man.
But in that moment of anger,
he actually called me an angry black man, which.
- Which is like the worst thing you can say.
(group laughing)
- Which, made me go crazy, because,
you know, that was like the one thing
that I had talked to him about.
So, you know, that was a really bad fight.
And it never happened again.
(Ivan laughs)
- Right. I feel like, I mean, I'm strongly disagree.
But, I think as just a white person,
I am just inherently ignorant.
So I'm thinking I'm going to move to somewhat agree.
Dating a black man has completely opened my eyes more
than I already thought they were open, you know.
- To be fair. You've never said anything
that made me feel like damn, she's racist. You know.
(group laughing)
- I'm from the bay.
So, it used to be in my vocabulary,
where I would say the N-word, with the A.
I would rap it. I would do just those things.
But, my slang in general would just tick her off.
And then I became conscious of it. And I really liked her,
or I still do. Of course, I love you.
(laughing)
I started changing the way I speak.
I feel like she should be over here too.
She would do Asian accents.
(group laughing)
- You calling her out bro.
- The only time that I felt like I could be offending
Asian people is when I'm mocking you,
when you're mocking your mother.
(group laughing)
- There it is.
- So I only do the accident when he does it,
making fun of his mom.
Before that, I never did that. So.
- Okay guys. So, we're going to do something different.
This is called hot takes.
And basically we had our audience submit hot takes,
and assumptions that they make
about interracial relationships.
(uncomfortable laughter)
They're really hot.
- Oh boy.
(nervous laughter)
- Sex gets steamy since you are interracial.
(group laughing)
- [Ivan] I mean, I think it adds to.
- I like the differences between us. I mean, you know.
- Yeah.
- Definitely. I mean, there's not
like any weird role play or anything.
(group laughing)
But yeah, definitely, you know, makes it fun.
- I will say like, when I'm not with you, people will like,
be like, oh, like, I know why you're with the black guy.
And it's like that's like super disrespectful.
Cause it's like, that's like definitely like
on the line of like fetishizing.
- Right.
- A race.
- There's not many sexual stereotypes about white men.
(laughter)
But like walking down the street,
especially dating an Asian woman.
Like, I get looks from men all the time.
Being like, oh, like, you know? Right.
And people actually calling me out,
while I'm right next to her.
- Interracial relationships can be a fetish,
and that's okay if it's love too.
(chiming music)
(group laughing)
- Even if you love the person, you just fetishizing
that person isn't good at all.
- I feel like it devalues it.
- Yeah. And you're devaluing the entire community in itself.
- I think there's always room for growth.
So I can understand if it starts as a fetish
and then along, you know, the relationship,
they actually fall in love with that person
and they realize that, okay,
it wasn't okay for me to initially just like you,
based off of that.
- It it's between two consenting adults,
the freak stuff in the bedroom.
If race sprinkles, is put into that context.
What do we think of that? Like, it's just in the bedroom.
Or is it possible to just keep it in the bedroom?
- How would race be put into the bedroom?
- Use your imagination.
(group laughing)
- It doesn't even matter if you're consenting or not.
It's still wrong, right?
Like you want to say that stuff.
You want to do that stuff because of
the stereotypes you have of those people.
And that doesn't really sit right with me whatsoever.
- [Interviewer] I have always wanted mixed babies.
Three, two, one. Go.
(chiming music)
(nervous laughter)
- At one point in my life,
I kind of wanted to have mixed babies
with almost every race.
(group laughter)
I don't know if that's weird.
But I just wanted, I'm real into genetics.
I would like to see how my kids would turn out.
(group laughing)
- In every race.
(group laughing)
- As a mixed race person, myself.
You don't have a group of people to really be around.
I mean, sometimes you connect with one side.
Sometimes you connect with another side,
but for me it sucked actually a lot. I've accepted myself.
I'm black and proud.
I love the fact that I have both of these cultures
and I really don't care.
I just have to teach my kids that because of your skin tone,
you either gain privileges or lose privileges.
- Like I've had people at work,
like we'll be talking about ourselves.
And I'll show them a picture of Ivan and they'll be like,
oh my God, I totally wanted black babies,
like, when I was, like, a teenager.
And it's just like, this isn't build a bear.
Like this is a human, like, what the f. So.
- And I actually have an eight year old, mixed child.
(Ivan laughs nervously)
It's been very challenging,
but I've had to stick it out
because I want to be a good father
and I care about my kid. So.
- This isn't build a bear. This is real life.
- Right.
- And in my mind, I wanted to have kids
that was exactly my skin tone
or very close to it and look like me.
Cause I am conceited as well.
Where the hell I'm going to find somebody to do that.
And it work out. And you're just the perfect wife.
I don't believe in that anymore.
- It's funny cause that was actually
something we talked about, when we first started dating,
that became a insecurity of mine.
I was like, so why are we dating?
Because I can not provide
absolutely any of that for you.
And so I understand, like I said, why he feels that way.
Why a lot of the black community feels that way.
So I'm just glad that I'm accepted now
(Grace giggles)
in our relationship for that.
(Grace giggles)
- [Interviewer] I sometimes feel like
I betrayed my own race.
Three, two, one. Go.
(chiming music)
(light nervous laughter)
- Yeah.
(single clap)
- I definitely feel like that, man.
I feel like, especially where I'm from.
I did my people, a disservice by playing into
that stereotype and knowing what I stand for now,
it's hard for me to feel like I'm going to be
taken serious in the future.
If I ever want to speak on controversial topics,
my people won't respect what I say.
Cause it doesn't add up, my views and stuff.
And then, I'm dating somebody outside of my race,
behind the scenes. I feel like I lose respect in a way.
- Me growing up. Like, I was never always seen as black,
whether it was because of how I looked
or how I talked or my culture.
But then, when I get with someone who's not black.
Right. They're like, oh, you're betraying us.
Oh, I get comments. Literally my Dms be like, oh Alex,
you're not with us no more. Right?
And I'm like, do you want me, or do you not want me?
You know, it doesn't bother me if you don't want me.
And I understand it is what it is.
But don't pick and choose
and don't nitpick little things. Right.
If you want me to be part of your community,
then accept me for who I am, don't say
that oh, because I'm half, I don't get to participate
in certain topics or certain discussions.
- [Interviewer] Being linked to another
race has its benefits.
Three, two, one. Go.
(chiming music)
- I guess I feel like the word linked kind of confused me
because I feel like experiencing another person's
experience, like their culture, like the way that they live,
is definitely personally beneficial.
But I think that like, in terms of how others view me,
because I'm dating a white man,
I don't find that beneficial.
Like I feel like people might have preconceptions
about who I am because I'm an Asian person who's chosen
to date a white man. Yeah.
I also, I had a question for, I guess, other people like,
do you ever feel like being with a white person,
could shield you from like discrimination?
Or that they could like stand up for you
in a certain context?
Like if you were in an altercation with the police
or something. Like would having a white person there.
- For sure.
- [Maia] Right. It would be helpful.
- In that sense. And that's what I kind of thought of
when I heard the question and I was listening to you.
It was just like, I don't know,
even a customer service experience.
I don't know, just random experiences
where the other, person on the other side
might judge me based on
me being black.
But, you know, versus someone else calling or,
you know, him calling and, you know,
it's a whole different experience.
So they might treat us individuals differently.
So there might be a whole different experience
based on just that.
- [Interviewer] I feel like an outsider
with my partner's family.
Three, two, one. Go.
(chiming music)
- So I'm sorry, Grace. In our lives, especially today,
recently politics plays such a huge part in it.
And because you come from a conservative household, it does,
that's different from where I come from.
And it does make me a little bit uncomfortable to know that
I'm going to be meeting people and have to have close
relationships with them.
And they don't value what I feel like I value in my life.
- He's actually the first black man I have ever dated
and the only person of color within my family,
just in of itself.
And so, certain members of my family,
with the same political values as us,
had to kind of confide in me,
hey, we support you with whoever you date.
We're here for you.
So, it was interesting to kind of see the different sides
of my family members that I didn't necessarily know.
- When I met her father for the first time,
we were walking to get food
and we saw the Ronald Reagan museum
or something like that.
And he's like, oh yeah, I love Ronald Reagan. Right.
And you can have your own personal opinions on presidents.
But Ron Reagan was like,
he's like the main reason why black people are incarcerated.
He's not a very good person to black people.
So I was just kind of cracking up about that
and I was kind of awkward.
And I know you kind of bit your tongue on that as well.
- Yeah. It was hard to not say anything.
- But I was thinking about saying something to maybe like,
oh, I don't know about that.
But I didn't want to like argue with your father
on the very first day that I met him.
- Yeah.
- [Alexander] Yeah. That wouldn't be very fun.
(group laughing)
I don't know if I can exactly, truly connect with them
because of that.
He's a very nice person obviously,
and he makes me feel comfortable.
But at the same time, I have to recognize
who I am as a person.
- I would say I somewhat agree,
because with my partner's family,
there's a language barrier.
So, I guess it's my responsibility now to try
to learn the language. But sometimes when we're together,
they're talking, I have no idea what's going on.
So I think that's the bit of why I feel like an outsider.
But other than that, I feel welcomed.
- [Interviewer] I wish we were the same race.
Three, two, one. Go.
(chiming music)
- I'll start. I feel like that would just be
the default easiest way to navigate through life.
(Ivan laughs)
But definitely, obviously growth happens when you're in a
relationship, relationships.
But yeah, that's kind of why I chose somewhat.
Or somewhat agree.
- Yeah. I guess, like you were saying,
I just feel like it would be easier in some aspects.
And then for me just like being mixed race,
I have felt very like disconnected from my culture.
So I feel like dating someone from, who was like Chilean
or who was Korean would help me. But I also agree,
obviously if you weren't white, you wouldn't be like you.
And so I don't like wish that, and.
- The benefits outweigh, like what I gain.
I kinda sounds weird coming out because it's like,
what do you guys get out of dating white people.
(group laughing)
White people, I feel like we learn a lot.
- I think it's interesting that everybody's saying
that they feel it's easier.
Cause I feel like it would be more difficult.
Me having a black man and raising a black family,
that it will be more difficult if I was maybe with someone
who was white,
who could probably have benefits in other ways.
I'm grateful for my husband and I love being with him.
And I think there's a lot of benefits just culturally.
- [Interviewer] And you guys, that is officially a wrap.
(clapping and joyful shouting)
- [Interviewer] And then we also got you
some really cute merch.
- Oh, nice.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, this is really cute.
I kinda like this beanie.
I know you don't wear beanies. Huh?
(soulful music)