Hello, world.
So as you know, this is Ellen's season 17 premiere week.
We have just finished the first week, and it has been amazing.
But in honor of it, I thought that I would go back and react
to my very first time on this show, which
was January 2, 2018.
Now, I haven't watched this since it aired.
I personally don't like watching myself on TV.
But I was asked to do this, and I said,
you know what, that could be fun.
So here we go.
Let's see how this goes.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, please welcome Kalen Allen.
[CHEERING]
[LAUGHS]
OK, stop, stop, stop, stop.
See, we already in this.
Now, I don't care what nobody say,
but baby, I look like a damn bottle of ketchup and mustard.
This is not cute.
Actually, I look like Arthur the aardvark.
Y'all know Arthur.
I still have this outfit too.
Hey, Kalen!
Oh my God.
Hello.
OK--
OK, can I just say that this is the first time that I had ever
been on national TV?
And literally, I was so nervous.
It was ridiculous.
I literally had butterflies in my stomach the entire time.
Also, it's the first time that I meet Ellen in person, which
is nerve wracking in itself, because I was like, oh my gosh,
I don't know how to do this.
I've only seen this on YouTube videos with people.
I don't know how this is going to go.
OK, let's keep going.
--how this started.
Is it-- are you like a huge cooking fan,
or what made you start watching them and then critiquing them?
OK--
[YELLS]
Now, that's the real gag.
Now, she asked me, am I cooking fan?
Y'all, listen, I cook, but food was not my thing.
OK, let's keep going.
So the way that the first video started-- so I was literally
on my way to work.
And so--
Already being extra.
--I sat there, and I was scrolling through my Facebook
feed, and I was like, oh, this video's kind of funny.
And now I watched it, and I was like--
Yeah, that's really how it happened.
--video and post it for my friends.
So I put my little phone up, and I press play,
and I press record.
I edit it, you know, published it.
At the end when I went to sleep that night,
it had maybe like 20 likes on it.
And then I woke up the next morning,
I had like 6,000 followers on my Twitter.
Now, listen, I'm a little boy from Kansas,
so that don't happen all the time.
Right.
So that was iconic for me.
Oh my gosh, that's so cute.
Look at baby Kalen.
OK, I got to stop being so nostalgic.
Let me keep going.
So that's when you knew you were onto something.
Yeah.
All right.
So there's another video that I saw that I want to show.
Let's take a look--
Oh, what's the other video that we played?
[YELLS]
My favorite, potato salad cake!
Oh!
So good.
Why y'all putting all them pickles on there?
Pickles on there!
[LAUGHS]
Ooh, that's a fancy compartment.
It is a fancy compartment.
I have yet to find something that look like that.
Oh, no.
[LAUGHS]
Oh!
Y'all better not--
Oh!
This is nasty.
Uh-uh, what y'all doing with the hot dogs?
Child, whoever eat this, I know your breath is funky.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, classic.
Classic.
My birthday was two days after this.
So you watch these things-- first of all,
I've never seen food like that in my life.
I don't know where you find these videos of food like that.
Mm, a mess.
So you're an honor student.
Where do you go to college?
I go to Temple University.
OK, and you have how many jobs?
I have five jobs.
[LAUGHS]
I really did.
I really had five jobs.
Damn, Karter.
Sorry-- sorry, y'all.
Karter over-- Karter, lay down, please.
Please.
Daddy's trying to make a video.
Please?
Could you give me a break?
[DOG BARKS]
Y'all, having kids is a lot of work.
Y'all, look at him.
Look at him.
I swear he don't know no other seat but my lap.
OK, here we go, here we go.
OK, and you have how many jobs?
I have five jobs.
OK, now we go into the five jobs.
Mm, fix my camera.
OK.
So I do all this because--
I really like Ellen's outfit.
That was nice.
--financially.
I try to be independent.
So my first job is I'm a front desk worker for the residence
halls.
Second job is I'm an Amazon Prime student brand ambassador.
Yes, I do.
Also, I do marketing for the theater and film department.
And then the fourth job--
child, what is that?
Uh.
Lord, I done forgot that--
You do something for some medical things.
Yes.
Well, that's the fifth one.
OK.
So for--
Amen, amen.
--I'm a student standardized patient
for the University of Pennsylvania
in their medical school.
Oh.
Isn't that--
That was a good job.
Yeah.
And that's fun, because you get to act,
and you're helping these medical students.
Mm-hmm.
Actually, I do want to talk about that job.
OK, so yes, I was a standardized patient
for the University of Pennsylvania medical school.
Let me tell y'all.
I think I made like $22 an hour.
And when I tell you all I had--
[DOG BARKING]
[CHUCKLES]
All I had to do was go lay on a table and get a ultrasound gel,
and used to make bank.
Now, they also-- they would give you scripts,
and you had to take the scripts and go and act
like you was a patient, but I never got that far.
I wasn't there long enough to do all that.
So I was just doing the ultrasounds.
And I used to fall asleep, y'all.
I used to be knocked out cold.
That was the best job ever.
So I'm worried about your fourth job that--
[LAUGHS]
Wait, can we talk about this?
Can we talk about how I literally
had them numbered, and I knew which order I was
going to talk about them in.
So they would-- I forgot the fourth one.
Like I remembered the fifth one, but then forgot the fourth one.
But let's keep going.
Wow, because how do you forget a job?
Because it's so many.
I know, there's--
And I do them-- oh, I remember now!
[LAUGHS]
I remember.
What do you do?
OK.
I am a co-host for Temple Talk, which is a show on campus.
OK, so the funny thing about this
is because I couldn't remember the fourth one,
it really started to make me really, really nervous.
So that's why they're like, after that, I
started stuttering because I'm like, oh my gosh, now I [BLEEP]
up.
Oh, I can't say that!
I can't say that on here.
I had messed up.
Messed up.
That's a better word.
OK, let me keep going.
You forgot, though, that you were a co-host on a talk show?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh, tragic.
All right.
And do you cook yourself?
Yes, I do.
Actually, I make a very mean--
Yes.
--peach cobbler.
People actually--
I still make peach cobbler.
--peach cobblers during the holidays.
Really?
Yes.
And because I'm more--
I also like Italian food.
I do that too.
--I don't like adding extra seasonings.
I don't like being all extra with stuff.
But one thing I don't understand is
why people just put salt and pepper on stuff
and just call it a day.
Listen.
I keep telling y'all.
Quit putting salt and pepper on stuff.
Y'all don't be listening to me.
That's got nothing to do with peach cobbler.
Yeah.
That don't have nothing to do with peach cobbler.
All right.
Well, first of all, I think you're hilarious.
Oh, this is my favorite part!
And when I saw that video, I said I want to meet this guy.
--going to make me cry.
And then the more we thought about it,
and we started talking about it, we
want to make a deal with you so you actually have a platform
and help you make these videos.
And so we want you to help put these things out.
Oh, stop playing with me, Ellen!
All right.
So-- we have a deal?
Yes, we got a deal!
All right, we have a deal.
We're going to do this.
Yay!
[CHEERING]
Y'all.
Can we just talk about how we just on here talking
about food videos, and look all that I have done in two years.
This is like my third season at the show.
So this was season 15.
And so I've been there since season 15 all the way
to season 17.
Y'all.
Oh my God.
I felt myself getting emotional.
But I didn't cry because I knew I was on camera, and so I--
yeah, my systems don't work that way.
But anyway, I'll try and remember
what my story was going to be about this.
So the whole Ellen giving me a job thing,
I was not expecting that at all.
And honestly, I'm not very good with surprises,
so I didn't know how to react truly,
because honestly, what I thought, at the beginning,
was that I was going to show up, they were going to give me
a cute little check, I was going to go bye-bye and be
able to pay for school.
Like, that's what I thought what was going to happen.
So when they offered me the job, I was just shook.
I just-- I was honestly speechless.
I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know how to react.
I was just really so blown away.
Ugh.
Wow, this just makes me very nostalgic.
I'm so very grateful and just very humbled
at everything that has happened in my life in the past two
years.
And I just can't wait to see where we go from now, baby,
because now, the sky is the limit.
[LIGHT MUSIC]