(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Have you ever met someone
so seemingly happy and upbeat
that it completely blindsided you
to find out that they were dealing
with some very dark and serious feelings
or that they had suffered a terrible tragedy in the past
that left them emotionally traumatized?
While we'd all like to think
we'd know if something was wrong
with someone we're close to,
or that we'd easily be able to tell
if a loved one of ours was feeling down or unhappy,
the truth is, you never really know everything
that's going on in another person's life.
You only know as much as they're willing to show you.
And if the startling rates of suicide
and untreated depression are anything to go by,
we all need to do a better job
of looking out for our loved ones.
So, how can you tell if someone is secretly unhappy?
Well, here are seven warning signs you need to look out for.
Number one, they deflect
serious conversations and questions.
Whether it's through humor, sarcasm,
or just by being downright dismissive,
when someone is secretly unhappy,
you'll start to notice how often
they deflect serious questions and conversations.
They never really talk about anything important
going on in their lives anymore,
and they've stopped confiding in you as much.
Even when you know they're going through something
like failing a class or dealing with their parents' divorce,
you just can't get them to open up about it.
At best, they'll shrug, laugh it off,
or make some wordy remark that makes it seem
like it's no big deal to them.
Number two, they give short responses.
Another common way people tend to deflect
topics they don't feel comfortable talking about
is by giving short, clipped responses.
So if you've noticed your friend or family member
talking a lot less and being more curt than usual,
then that should be your first clue
that something is definitely wrong.
Have they stopped talking to you or texting you as much?
Do they stay uncharacteristically quiet
in conversations now,
or don't give you their opinions when asked?
Apathy and disinterest
are some of the early signs of depression.
Number three, they unexpectedly cancel plans
at the last minute.
Has your loved one been canceling on you a lot lately?
Have they been showing up uncharacteristically late
or started skipping school or missing work?
Try to talk to them about it and ask them why.
Even if their reason seems plausible
and they reassure you that everything is fine,
keep a close eye on them, anyway.
If they start to bail on things that are important to them
like that recital they've been rehearsing for for months,
or that competition they worked so hard to get in,
then that's a red flag that you shouldn't ignore.
Number four, they sleep a lot.
Did you know that oversleeping
is one of the most noticeable symptoms of depression?
Just like with insomnia, which is the inability to sleep,
any significant disturbance in your sleeping pattern
is a marker for depression.
Hypersomnia is when you oversleep and are sleeping too much.
People often turn to sleep when they feel lost and empty
where they can wink out
and no longer have to worry about the world around them.
They may be unmotivated to get out of bed
and spend most of the day sleeping and laying in bed.
Even when they do get up,
they'll still feel exhausted and have little to no energy.
Number five, they prefer to be alone more than usual.
When someone tries to push you away,
it's often subtle and happens gradually over time.
They may go from canceling plans
to not bothering to make any plans with you altogether.
And though they may tell you something else,
the real reason why is because they find themselves
wanting to be alone more and more often.
So if they stop posting online,
responding to messages, or returning your calls,
it's because they're emotionally withdrawing
and isolating themselves from others
as a way of coping with the unhappiness
that they're struggling to repress.
Number six, they've become timid
and don't want to announce their presence.
Once confident, animated and easygoing,
you've noticed a change in the person in front of you.
Their smile doesn't seem as genuine anymore,
or their laughter as easy.
They've stopped dressing up and maybe even stopped bothering
with their appearance altogether.
They dress in clothes that they can hide in
like hoodies and sweatpants,
and they don't like to draw any attention to themselves.
They walk quietly in small strides,
and usually duck their head down while they do.
They make themselves small
by taking up as little space as possible,
and keep their hand gestures to a minimum.
And number seven, they're easily upset.
Finally, but perhaps most importantly,
if someone gets easily upset
in a way that's uncharacteristic of them,
then it's most likely because there's some emotional turmoil
that they're trying to conceal from everyone else.
It's especially troubling
if this person is usually level-headed,
calm and mild-mannered,
but has suddenly become easily distressed or angered.
They're now quick to snap at those around them
or cry over something
that wasn't meant to hurt their feelings.
And the moment you try to comfort them
or tell them to calm down,
they'll start to insist that everything's fine,
that it's nothing, but you should know better
than to fall for it.
So, do you relate to any of these signs
we've mentioned here?
Did anyone in particular come to mind
while watching this video?
If you have a friend, family member,
or a loved one in your life,
you think maybe struggling with feelings
of serious unhappiness or depression,
don't hesitate to reach out to them
and offer a helping hand.
Lend them a sympathetic ear, and reassure them
that you're here for them in these troubling times.
Most of all, try to help them get in touch
with a mental health care professional
as a way of showing your support.
Don't forget to like and share this video if it helped you
and you think it could help someone else too.
The studies and references used
are listed in the description below.
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We'll see you next time.