-Anthony Mackie!
-♪♪ Oooh, yeah ♪♪ -♪♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪
-Had to throw some Jodeci in there.
-I've missed you, dude. I haven't seen you --
-Man, I miss you like bad credit, bruh.
-I mean, thank you.
-That's like seven years. That's a long time.
-It is a long time. -Long time.
-We've known each other a long time.
Was it from the Late Night days?
-Nope, so...
No, we met at the fashion thing,
at The Met. -Oh, the Met Gala.
-Yeah, the Met Gala, remember?
I was there.
I was invited by Anna Wintour. -Yeah?
And you were there, and you ran up to me,
and you look like you had been wrestling with Rampage,
'cause your tux was, like, bust open,
and your jacket was wrinkled,
and you were, like, rolling on the floor.
And I was like, "Hey, that's -- that's Jimmy Fallon!"
[ Laughter ]
-That's probably why I wasn't invited back.
-No, no. Never again.
[ Laughter ] -What was I doing?
-And then... this old dude comes over,
and he goes, "Oh, my God. Anthony Mackie, how are you?"
And I'm like, "What's up, dude?"
He's like, "I'm having a party at my hotel room."
Why don't you two come?" And hes walks off.
And I was like, "Who was that?"
And you're like, "That's Mick Jagger!"
-Yeah.
And then you and I,
disheveled and having fun,
walked around the corner to Mick Jagger's hotel room
with about 30 other people,
and we ate sushi till like 7:00 in the morning.
[ Laughter ]
-[ As Mick Jagger ] That's right!
You guys look like fun!
Hey, Anthony Mackie. You guys look like fun!
Get Jimmy off the floor, and let's go!
-That was exactly what he said.
-Uh...today is April 20th.
Also know as 4/20.
Uh...does that --
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yes.
-Does that mean anything to you, at all?
-Well, I only smoked weed once in my life.
And I got chased by a moose.
So I never did it again.
No, I was in Utah, and I'm pretty sure I was...
I was like the only black dude in Utah.
-Yeah, yeah. Wait what?
-I'm not going to say the establishment I was at.
But I was at this film institute in Utah.
And there was this girl who had to be like
the original Kardashian,
'cause she was like, pow-pow, pow-pow-pow-pow, pow!
And I was like, you just don't see women like that,
that look like that, those two things together.
-A couple of pow-pows. -Pow-pow, pow!
You know what I mean? Boi-i-ng!
-Yeah. [ Laughs ] -So I was like --
My boy was like, "Yo, she's looking at you."
I was like, "All right." You know, I'm 22.
I'm like, "All right. Whatever, whatever."
So she comes over. She introduces herself.
And she's like, "Are you going to the party later?
And I was like, "Yeah. Of course. Yeah, of course."
So she's like, "Cool. I'll see you there.
I was like, "All right."
So, you know, we're at this thing,
so it's a gated community on a mountain
in the woods of Utah.
No brothers there, right?
-No, I understand that, yeah. -None!
-So, we walk around, get our flashlights,
walk around to the party, and I see the girl.
She's sitting on the couch, just like pow-pow, pow-pow!
Boi-i-ing!
So she goes,
"Oh, Anthony, come over."
She's sitting there.
She takes a shoebox top,
and she dumps out some paraphernalia.
And she takes a blunt. She cuts it with --
She never looks away. She looks me in the eye.
And she goes, "So, how you doing?"
I'm like, "Good."
She goes, "So, what are you doing here?
You working on a movie?"
-[ Laughs ]
-She's a pro. -I'm like, "Yeah, baby.
All of us here working on a movie."
She's like, "That's so great. So what's your movie called?"
She rolls it out of her tongue,
strikes a match, and drys it,
all looking me in the eye,
dead stare. -Wow.
-So I was like, "Damn, Snoop Dogg."
Like... [ Laughter ]
Would you --
-Wow. That is impressive.
-Like, what are we doing right now?
♪♪ I had the time of my life ♪♪
Right, So she lights it, and she's like...
[ Inhales sharply ]
...hit that.
Being the resident brother, I couldn't say "no."
Like if she's --
If I say "no," bro, I'm letting everybody down.
So, I'm like, "All right. Gimme that."
And I ain't ever done it before.
So I'm like... [Inhaling sharply]
Like I'm giving myself shotguns. I'm coughing.
My eyes are watering.
And, literally, my brain's freezing.
And I ran across the party, and I went to my friend.
I'm like, "We have to go. We have to go.
There are people here that are trying to get me.
We have to go."
-My God, this is fantastic.
-So, we all get together.
And I get the girl. I'm like, "We're leaving now."
She says, "You want to go now?"
I was like, "Now! Right now!"
And she goes, "Okay!"
So six of us, flashlights, walking down the street.
Beautiful girl.
We're touching, holding, touching.
She's touching. I'm blown out of my mind.
And we're walking down the street.
And I look in the woods, and I see a baby horse.
[ Light laughter ]
And I go, "Yo, I'm a gentleman.
I'ma go get that horse and put this lady on that horse..."
[ Laughter ]
"...so she don't have to walk."
I'm a gentleman, all right? I'm a gentleman.
-Oh, my God, how romantic. -So, I go in the woods.
I walk up to the horse, and I'm like...
Like, I got me a horse call, 'cause I grew up in the country.
-You're from New Orleans. You have nothing --
-Man, that's the country, man. Right?
So the horse comes over to me. -Yeah?
-And I grab the horse, and I hear, "Anthony, no!"
I turn around, all I see are six flashlights
running down the mountain.
And I'm like...
and over the horse is a moose.
And I realize the horse wasn't a horse.
It was a baby moose.
-And that's...
That's mama.
-That's mama. -[ Laughs ]
[ Trumpet plays "Womp Womp" ] -[ Laughs ]
-Not happy. -So I run across the street,
and the moose starts ramming the tree.
And I'm behind the tree.
Then the moose hit the baby moose, run off.
I'm on some "Blair Witch" at this point.
I'm holding my flashlight.
I fall asleep under the tree.
They run down, get the police from the yurt.
A yurt is a tent-style home that you live in.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-So, the police pick me up like a baby,
bring me down to the Yurt. -[ Chuckling ] Oh, my God.
And he's like, "We need a police report."
-This is after you've had --
-Yo, one hit!
-So...
And she smoked the whole thing, and she's good.
-There's a lesson right here. -So the police go,
"We need a description."
I'm like, "All right. It was big and furry."
Now, he go, "Big, furry. Antlers?"
I'm like, "Yeah, with a baby."
He goes, "Was the nose gray?"
Said, "Yeah!
The nose was gray!"
And he goes, "That's Betsy.
She's been real aggressive lately."
And I'm like, "You know this chick?!
'Cause she's out there, killing brothers right now!"
-Dude, that is a lesson.
That is one of the best...
That is one of the best stories. -And that was it.
-And that was it. One and done.
-Never again. -One and done.
-Now I see it, I'm calling the police.
-That's good.
Well, I'm glad, you know, because look at you now, man.
Let's talk about "Avengers." -Yes.
-What is happening in this "Avengers" film?
-Oh, man. -Can you say?
-Oh, it's tricky.
So, there's a dude named "Thanos."
Right. -Okay, yep. Thanos.
Or "Thanoss," wherever you're from.
And Thanos gets mad 'cause we beat up his boy.
So, he's like, "Yo, I'm gonna get the Infinity Stones,
and I'ma come back and show you what's up.
So Captain America call us,
and like, "Yo, Thanos coming. It's about to get real."
I'ma need y'all to slide through right quick
so we can figure out what's going on.
-That's what Captain America said?
-That's what Captain America said.
And all of us go...
And all of us go, "No doubt."
So...
-There was a rewrite. -It was a rewrite.
-The original script is not the script you see.
So we all skedaddle, go to Cap.
Cap tell us what's going down.
We meet up with Thanos, give him the business.
-Uh-huh.
And then that's the end of part three.
-Okay. -That's the movie.
-That's it right there? -That was it. That was it.
That -- Come on.
What more do you want?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I love you, man.