Hey there, this is Clay with relationshipinnergame.com and in this video we are going to be talking
about how to get your ex to commit to you again.
Right?
So oftentimes this is an issue that people struggle with.
You know, they went through a breakup with their exes, would like to get back together
and give the relationship as second chance and, you know, they've overcome some of the
initial obstacles.
They're back in touch with her ex, they're interacting and stuff like that, but they're
ex isn't committing to them for some reason and they want to know what they can do to
get their ex to commit to them.
Okay.
And so that's what I want to talk to you about today.
So the first step is to be at the new beginning stage of getting back together, possibly even
the late crisis point stage.
Right?
So I have outlined in previous videos in a book that I wrote and actually in a podcast
that I made a few weeks ago, the five stages of getting back together.
We can link to that possibly in this video or maybe in the section below or something
like that, but there are lots of resources about the five stages of getting back together
and you do not want to try to get a commitment from your ex until you are at the new beginning
stage of getting back together or possibly late stages of the crisis point.
Okay? you don't even want to think about doing it.
You please don't even try to do it.
Okay?
If you're like in wall of reactants, if you're in test drive, if you're riding a dragon or
something, I don't even be thinking like, what can I do to get my extra commit to me
right now?
Don't even think about it.
It's just going to backfire in your face.
I promise you nothing good will ever come of this.
Okay?
Give up on this.
And instead focused on having positive interactions in the present moment with your ex so that
you can build that relational equity level up to the point where you get to the crisis
point or new beginnings and you can actually have that talk.
Okay?
But please, please, please do not try to shortcut this.
Do not try to leap frog over the hard work that comes from we're getting back together.
Do not try to take this sort of roundabout, quick shortcut way to get to the pot of gold
at the end.
Okay?
You got to put it in the hard yards to get to that point.
Okay?
Because you know, if your ex is still pissed off at you, if you're still watching you out
or something like that, you can't just say some sort of magic set of words that's going
to make them be like, yeah, let's get back together.
It's not going to happen.
You've got to build up the quality of the emotional connection first.
Okay?
So please do not shortcut this.
Okay?
The second thing that you need to do in order to get your ex to commit to you is this.
You've got to have standards for yourself.
Okay?
You have to have a sort of a difference in, in sort of, you know, just just hanging out
or whatever that you're doing with your ex versus being in a relationship with you.
Okay.
There has to be some big benefit for them to actually bother to commit to you.
So you have to, you know, I don't, I don't know what that is.
This is your own personal values, you know, but for some people it might be like, Hey,
I'm not going to have sex with somebody who I'm not in a committed relationship with a.
and you know, it's not to say like, oh, you, everybody must stop having sex unless they're
in a committed relationship.
No, this is, you have to check yourself, right?
You have to check yourself what's important to you, what your own standards are and all
of that stuff.
Right?
But it could be something like that, but you know, your ex always needs to know that there's
going to be something better that's going to come with deeper levels of commitment towards
you.
Deeper levels of getting closer to your deeper levels of coming back together again.
Okay.
They want to associate spending more time, spending higher quality amounts of time, higher,
a higher frequency, amounts of time, higher levels of commitment, and all that stuff with,
with, you know, positive things in their life that's going to make them want to commit to
you, right?
So you have to have some sort of standards.
You have to not give them all the benefits of being in a relationship with you, with
out the commitment, okay?
So develop some sort of standards and be willing to draw that boundary went.
And if it comes to it, okay?
That is the second thing.
And the third thing is, is that you want to have the collaboration talk together with
your ex, okay?
You can't just, okay, so up until now you have your standards and I'm just going to
go ahead and say your at new beginnings.
Okay?
So if you've come this far, the chances are that your ex is probably going to know something's
up and they're probably even going to bring up the idea of getting back together themselves.
But you know, if they're just like a passive person, if they don't take the lead with things
or whatever, then you may just have to kind of get it going your own.
Okay.
So this is what you do.
You use the collaboration technique with your ex.
You basically just tell them, hey, you know, we've had a good time hanging out lately.
I've had a great time.
It seems like you've had a good time.
you know, have you ever thought about getting back together and, you know, they'll probably
say, you know, yeah, I have.
And, and that's when you can sit down and have this discussion about what it means about,
you know, what didn't work out in their relationship before that led up to the break of how things
are going to be different.
You know, how your ex can change things, how you can change things, how the two of you
can work together to make things happen in the long run.
Okay.
And once you've successfully had this kind of conversation with your ex, you'll be able
to, really just be able to confidently say, you know, yeah, we're back together, I'm in
a committed relationship.
You can kind of move forward from there.
Okay.
But, you know, most of the time this will happen just by getting to the new beginning
stage and by having a good set of standards, You know, not just kind of giving away the
whole benefits of being in a relationship without the commitment.
Right?
So have some standards, set some boundaries and be in the new beginnings, possibly late
crisis point, but most likely new beginnings.
And if it really comes down to it, just a, just have the conversation with your ex.
Right?
So again, this has been Clay, this has been how to get your ex to commit to you and if
you'd like to learn more about how to kind of work through those five stages of getting
back together so that you can get to the new beginning stage if you'd like to learn more
about standards and enforcing boundaries and stuff like that.
If you'd like to learn more about how to have things, how to have conversations with your
ex, like the commitment, collaboration conversation, then please head on over to relationshipinnergame.com
and sign up for my newsletter where I can start to give you tips, advice, strategies,
etc.
To help you save your relationship with your ex.
So I'll see you over There and I'll see you in the next video.
Take care.