ALEX ROY: We, like the cars we drive, are products of our
environment, of the cultures in which we are raised.
And Morgans are a product of the hills of western England,
the hill climbs in which HFS Morgan competed and created
the Morgan legend.
I had to see it for myself.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
ALEX ROY: Live and Let Drive is still at its heart a car
show, which is why I'm going to wear this, my homemade
Morgan driving suit, and take this Morgan three-wheeler on a
hill climb just like HFS Morgan did back in 1909 in the
original Morgan three-wheeler.
Hopefully, it won't rain.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, God!
You don't mind if I just scoot past?
Thanks so much.
I already love this car.
I mean, unless I was on a sport bike, I can't imagine
what would be more visceral, more exciting, or in the case
of the lovely woman in the green shirt who just waved at
me, would get me more attention.
I also can't imagine what other car I could drive while
wearing this outfit where I wouldn't look ridiculous.
Hey, guys.
[TRUCK PASSENGERS YELL INDISTINCTLY]
ALEX ROY: (CHUCKLES) I mean, I'm one block
from the Morgan factory.
Seven people have waved at me.
This car has one more advantage over any other,
except maybe a Veyron.
It scores a 20 out of 20 red light pull-up "Oh, my God, I
love your car" conversation factor.
I mean, the grin factor is just off the charts.
Oh, my God.
Still in first gear.
Still haven't gotten out of first gear.
I mean, come on.
These colossal side pipes, the tiny little windscreen, the
side mirrors that shake so much I can barely see out of
them, the starter switch like it's a Euro fighter bomb
release switch.
Everything about it is just--
I mean, this is what a sports car is supposed to be like.
No ABS, no traction control, no stability control.
ABS, traction, airbags, fourth wheel, nothing.
They mean nothing.
Because this experience in a three-wheeler is about driving
and nothing else.
Just two little tires up front, one
huge tire behind me.
You can't get any closer to real driving.
And, of course, this is literally a time machine.
Because this is what it was like to drive cars 100 years
ago, just a lot faster, a lot faster.
And we still haven't broken 24 miles an hour.
In order to test this properly, we're going to take
it on a road it was designed for.
Let's take it on a hill climb.
It's like the first time I drove an air-cooled 911, and
then like the first time I drove an air-cooled 911 built
before '89.
Then it's like the first time I drove a Porsche 930.
It's one of those first times everyone deserves to know.
And it's a first time that doesn't cost $100,000.
With this car, you can have as much fun.
If you crack it up, you can buy another one.
In the words of a certain host of another show, power!
You cannot be any happier than I was driving this car today.
Let me add my own comments on what it's like to drive a
Morgan three-wheeler.
[ENGINE REVS]
ALEX ROY: Whoo!
Eh!
It performs better than anything I've ever driven in
areas in which other cars are not measured.
[MAKING ENGINE NOISE]
I mean, if the only criteria were exhilaration, visibility,
noise, and value, the Morgan will never be defeated except
by another three-wheeler in the future.
Aaah!
[MAKING ENGINE NOISE]
And that's what I think about the Morgan three-wheeler.
It's really good.
There are a few downsides to this car.
The turning radius, not so much.
The pedals, at least in the right-hand drive
configuration, are a little close together.
And measuring my own shoes indicated that a size 12 dress
shoe is the absolute limit of what one can wear if one wants
to drive this car home alive.
The third downside is actually an upside, and it shares this
trait with a first-gen Viper.
The side pipes run hot.
The side pipes also fall pretty much at the height of
your elbow when you place your arm over the side, which is
necessary if you would like to have leverage sufficient to
turn the steering wheel.
But again, the goods.
JF, I can honestly say if I was stricken with cancer and
you cancelled my show due to bad ratings, I would honestly
say you gave me a gift today that was worth a lifetime of
loyalty and friendship.
This is it.
And you can put that in the episode.
This is it.
A friend, a Morgan, [BLEEP]
car You gotta drive this [BLEEP]
thing.
JF MUSIAL: I have driven it.
ALEX ROY: No, but I mean, you gotta really drive it.
JF MUSIAL: All right.
ALEX ROY: My unique ability to see the pieces of mystery fall
away before my eyes meant my trip to England had to take me
to a place where Viking lore comes to its head.
The fabled rocks of Stonehenge.
Stonehenge is more than just a World Heritage Site.
It's Stonehenge.
I mean, Stonehenge.
It's the mother of all henges.
It's the stoniest of all henges.
There is, by the way, an actual Woodhenge.
JF MUSIAL: Stonehenge.
Big sign.
ALEX ROY: OK.
And also look, next door, Woodhenge.
There were a lot of rules at Stonehenge, rules such as if
the planets are in alignment and the sun casts its rays
just so, the unworthy will be cast unto their graves.
Also, if you go to Stonehenge and buy a ticket for something
like $28 just before closing, they will
let you buy the ticket.
Even though, by the time you've walked from the gate,
past the stinking bathrooms, through a hall of murals
painted rather poorly of Druids and of various henge
lovers from throughout history worshipping the triptychs, by
the time you get through that tunnel and then up the ramp
designed for people in wheelchairs which the Druids
didn't have, up the other ramp, at 5:59, a security
guard will be standing watching you to make sure you
leave by 6:00.
Stonehenge--
millions of years ago, thousands of years before the
dawn of history, lived an ancient race of men known as
the Druids.
No one knows who they were or what they were doing, but
their fabled memory lives on in the rock of Stonehenge.
Built between 2,000 and 3,000 years ago, Stonehenge is best
remembered for inspiring so much music.
And most importantly, in 1984, inspiring the Silver Shamrock
Toy Company to steal one of the fabled triptychs,
transporting it to northern California, where they chipped
off tiny fragments and placed them into Halloween masks.
One of my favorite pastimes as a child was to steal these
masks from the Lamstens Department Store in the Upper
East Side of Manhattan and give them to my best friends.
In the days preceding Halloween, they would run
commercials for the Silver Shamrock Mask Company.
And each night the children would sing
along to their theme.
On Halloween night itself, I took great delight in
observing my friends, who at this point were about 11 or 12
years old, suffering agonizing deaths as lizards and insects
emerged from their eyes, and they died in horrible agony.
Next episode on Made-Up History,
we're going to discuss--
JF MUSIAL: We've got four minutes to do this.
Are you still--
ALEX ROY: Woodhenge nearby, which is the exact same
structure built of wood.
There is one true thing I could say about Stonehenge.
Real Stonehenge is actually a very small collection of
rocks, which was an early form of a domino play set.
But when tourists would come and crowd around it, it became
almost impossible to really admire and appreciate the
amazing architecture.
Let me just finish this thought.
And so this replica was built large so more people could
enjoy the amazing architectural skills of domino
players in ancient times.
That's everything I know about Stonehenge.
JF MUSIAL: Sure.
SECURITY GUARD 1: We've closed now, I'm afraid.
ALEX ROY: That's perfect, because I just covered the
entire history of Stonehenge in less than two minutes.
I don't think the Druids or the gods or any of the deities
ever consented to this.
According to the British government and the World
Landmark Heritage Association or whoever the [BLEEP]
these people are in charge,
Stonehenge closes at 6 o'clock.
SECURITY GUARD 1: Yeah, go ahead.
SECURITY GUARD 2: You actually need
permission to do that, man.
ALEX ROY: Oh, really?
SECURITY GUARD 2: Yeah.
ALEX ROY: Even if it's for myself?
SECURITY GUARD 2: It doesn't matter, man.
ALEX ROY: Oh, shit.
SECURITY GUARD 2: You're not supposed to
have the camera on.
JF MUSIAL: Oh, that's a better camera than this one.
ALEX ROY: It is against the rules of Stonehenge's
organizing body to allow anyone to talk about
Stonehenge in an inaccurate manner.
So I am probably the first man to have been kicked out of
Stonehenge.
Everyone prior to myself who might have been kicked out was
beheaded or tortured or hung from a triptych.
So in fact, I was lucky.
So instead of spending some time at Stonehenge and casting
spells, we had to kill some time before going to France.
So I called Mr. Ross.
Mr. Ross.
Yes, it's Mr. Roy.
All right, we're done a little earlier than expected because
we were just kicked out of Stonehenge.
Apparently, you're not allowed to shoot here without a permit
because they are trying to prevent people from saying
things that are untrue, which is outrageous because I don't
know any true things about Stonehenge at all.
Oh.
I was hoping you could tell me some more, but OK.
Well, would you like to have dinner?
Because we could be there in a couple hours.
And one of the things we'd like to know, first of all, is
if you know the real explanation.
We have no connectivity.
But why do people drive on the left side in England?
Well, can you look it up?
I'm curious.
Also, if you--
I would love the opportunity to drive your BMW Z8.
Yes, well, you said I could.
Well, that would be nice to do today.
How about the Aston Martin?
We'll be there in two hours.
What do you think that's about?
So what have we learned in England?
The roads are, I think, as good as or better than
American roads.
JF MUSIAL: It's an inefficient way of getting around.
There are very few motorways when you
compare it to America.
ALEX ROY: All right.
JF MUSIAL: Which has its pros and cons.
ALEX ROY: Let me--
JF MUSIAL: It makes this country more beautiful to the
casual observer.
But the con is it takes much longer to get around places.
There's more traffic, slower speeds.
ALEX ROY: So far what I've seen on the whole, the driving
experience in England is superior to the United States.
OK, there's no way around it.
And anyone in England who complains about too many speed
cameras hasn't spent enough time in the United States.
It's the difference between muggers holding up a sign
saying, "Walk past me and I'll mug you," versus an ambush of
snipers waiting for you anywhere you go.
And the driving experience here--
it's amazing.
Point to point, you can drive pretty much as fast as you
want because there's not going to be a lot of--
JF MUSIAL: That's not true.
You can't drive as fast as you want.
ALEX ROY: Really?
Well, I--
JF MUSIAL: That's a bold, blatant, bad statement.
ALEX ROY: We drove a lot more at 80 since we arrived--
JF MUSIAL: That's not as fast as I want.
If I want to drive as fast as I want, I'm going to do much
faster than 80.
ALEX ROY: Well, let me tell you, would you rather have
signs posted telling you where the traps are?
JF MUSIAL: I absolutely agree with you.
ALEX ROY: So it's better than the US.
JF MUSIAL: We don't have speed cameras in the
US except for Arizona.
And they're already being taken down
because they're not working.
ALEX ROY: Would you rather have speed traps labeled or
not labeled?
That's it.
That's what it comes down to.
JF MUSIAL: That does not make for a better driving
experience.
That makes for a more--
I guess you can say--
that makes for saving money in speeding incidents.
ALEX ROY: And insurance.
JF MUSIAL: And it slows people down in towns.
ALEX ROY: OK, would you rather go to a club where girls hold
up signs saying, "STD tested.
No condom necessary," or not?
JF MUSIAL: But that doesn't--
ALEX ROY: It doesn't improve the experience?
JF MUSIAL: That doesn't improve the experience.
ALEX ROY: That's where you and I differ.
JF MUSIAL: So a girl with no STDs is better to--
than--
ALEX ROY: It's preferable.
No, it's not preferable?
JF MUSIAL: That's only one element to
the experience, Alex.
ALEX ROY: Girl, a career, a relationship, or heifer?
Well, you'd like to know, wouldn't you?
JF MUSIAL: But knowing that she has no STDs does not make
her a better person.
ALEX ROY: I didn't say-- no, no, I didn't say.
How about this?
They raise their sign saying, "Honest, good woman" or
"Liar." Wouldn't it be nice to know?
JF MUSIAL: OK.
ALEX ROY: Basically, you're saying that knowing is not
half the battle.
You're saying knowing is none of the battle.
But we have a disagreement here.
But there's no doubt-- there's no doubt that having speed
camera signs posted makes driving more pleasurable.
JF MUSIAL: You are horrible.
This whole right-hand side of the road thing is
horrible for you.
ALEX ROY: It's true.
JF, look, I don't like--
I think we should start this topic over.
JF MUSIAL: Why?
ALEX ROY: Because from a qualitative standpoint, I
think that no one in their right mind would believe that
it's good to--
I mean, why are there
nutritional markings on packages?
Because they--
JF MUSIAL: But having a speed camera sign does not make for
a better driving experience.
ALEX ROY: Well, if there's no speed camera sign--
JF MUSIAL: If you care about is going fast in a straight
line and then slowing down before a camera, fine.
Yes, I agree with you.
But to me, I want to drive--
driving to me is more than speeding.
ALEX ROY: This is the first time I could ever honestly say
I wish I wasn't on this show so I could go on as a
commenter and say, you're retarded.