Welcome to Reaction Reset! I'm psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini, and
in this episode we're finishing up a two-part series on brainwashing. In the
first video, I explained seven common techniques that abusers use to trap and
control their victims in a false reality. In this episode, I'm going to help you
better understand why victims stay with abusers and how a victim can get free.
In the first video, I mentioned that abusers first control their victims environment
before controlling the victim. Therefore, brainwashing doesn't happen overnight.
So if you're wondering how someone gets trapped in a reality that
is so obviously false, remember it's not very obvious when it's done slowly and
gradually. Brainwashing is so effective because much of the process is outside
the realm of consciousness; the victim isn't aware or is in denial that it's
even happening until they're stuck in it. If you love someone who you believe is
being brainwashed, there isn't much you can do except to stay by their side.
You have to wait until your loved one gets their "a-ha moment" or as psychologists
call it - their "awakening". As I mentioned in the first video, the abuser first
isolates their victim. Don't let your loved one become isolated
from you if you believe they're being brainwashed. So let's pretend you - as a
victim - have had an 'awakening.' What can you do to escape? The first step is to
undo the isolation. Open up to a family member or friend that you can trust and
will support you. Abuse is a crime, and I strongly advise professional help.
A therapist will be equipped to guide you out of the abuse and keep everything
confidential. You can also seek help online. Many sites
will set you up with a mentor who escaped abuse. The second step is to
educate yourself about brainwashing. Note the techniques that were used on you and
how you responded. This will help you validate yourself and understand what
happened. You'll need to replace the abusers "tapes" in your head that told you
that you were crazy, stupid, or weak. You must accept that you've been under the
control of someone who is mentally ill. It is not your fault, but it is your
responsibility to escape. The third step is to let go of your empathy for your
abuser. You may try to convince yourself that your abuser is worthy of your love or
sympathy. You may think you can save them. DON'T spend any mental energy here.
Brainwashing is a type of abuse - not love. It can distort your perception of love.
Your abuser is mentally ill and needs professional help - not your help.
Protect yourself first. Calls, emails, or any form of communication from your abuser
are off limits. Finally, realize that your journey to recovery is just beginning.
Just like brainwashing itself, undoing brainwashing is a long slow process.
You're going to experience painful thoughts, memories, and anxiety for a long time.
You may want to go back to your abuser,
thinking they changed or they didn't mean to hurt you. However, as you gain
clarity and mental health, you'll see everything for what it was. Unfortunately,
this may make you lose confidence in yourself - that you were able to be
brainwashed. You will need a therapist to support you during this time. No matter
how worthless or alone you feel, you have the ability within you to restore your
mind. Don't believe for a second that the fear is too much to bear.
There are many people, including myself, available to help you through the recovery.
You will find peace again.
Remember change your reaction, change your world