I am sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I have so many regrets in life, as you may have been able to tell.
(Music. LOGO)
Hellooo, everybody! Today I am discussing a topic that is near and dear
to my heart, and that is healthy romantic relationships. You guys already know how I
feel about the widespread romanticizing of abusive relationships. It's been on trend for a while now,
and it makes me rage. (Sarcastic) “He stalked me, how romantic!” “He nearly broke my arm,
swoon!” Now some writers feel that the only way to make a romantic relationship interesting,
is to make it toxic. But if you genuinely believe this, you might suck at relationships,
or at writing. Or probably both! People aspire towards healthy relationships because they are
enjoyable, they're fun, and they're sexy. So if you're planning on writing a relationship with
the intention of romanticizing it, it SHOULD be healthy. Before we get started I want to give a
big shout out to Audible who has generously sponsored today's video. I am super excited
that audible chose to sponsor this video because as you guys already know, I am in the process of
releasing my very first audiobook and yes, it will absolutely be available on Audible. Audible is an
amazing platform with an unmatched selection of audio books. They've got titles in fantasy,
sci-fi, romance. They have access to news, comedy, the options are insane. They've also
got audible originals, which are exclusive audio titles created by storytellers in literature,
journalism, theater, I could go on. You can access the audible app on your smartphone, or your iPad,
is super convenient. Plus membership includes one free audiobook a month, exclusive sales, and
30% off regularly priced audio books. If you're a writer, this is the perfect opportunity to listen
to new books, both within and outside your genre so you can expand your imagination and hone your
creativity. It's a new year, folks, let's up our game, revamp and renew ourselves. Right now you
can get your first audiobook for free if you try audible for 30 days. All you have to do is visit
audible.com/JennaMoreci or text ‘Jenna Moreci’ to 500-500. I've got the information listed below.
I'm listening to The Myth of Perpetual Summer by Susan Crandall which is a southern historical
fiction novel, and it has a super sweet, super adorable romantic subplot. And even better,
it's a healthy one, finally! Which brings me back to the topic. I'm counting down some of the most
important tips to writing a healthy romance because we're sick of douchebag love stories
and they need to die. A few disclaimers, I will be using couples as examples throughout this video,
but please keep in mind that all of these tips apply to polyamorous relationships as well. I'm
also going to be skipping over relationship dynamics that should be a given like honesty
and loyalty. If you don't know loyalty is important, I got nothing for ya. Instead,
I'm focusing on the traits that are most often neglected in fiction which leads to couples that
shouldn't be romanticized at all, because they're gross. Number One (1): Consent. The fact that I
even need to mention this makes me want to die. If your characters do ANYTHING physical, there
needs to be clear consent, from all parties. “But Jennaaa he said no, but deep down he meant yes.”
Don't care, that's assault. “But Jennaaa she said no, but she ended up enjoying it.” Don't care,
still assault. For some reason writers struggle with this. They think they need to write consent
like (Moronic Voice) “Hello, will you engage in coitus with me?” “Yes, I would be delighted if
you put your penis inside of me.” It's really not that awkward. Consent happens every day
and it can be sweet, or romantic, or sexy. Asking for consent can be as simple as a shy “Can I kiss
you?” But there are a million other ways to do it. I gave a few examples in my sex scene video, but
how about a few more examples for good measure? “I want you so badly” “Then take me!” “Ooh, what
are you thinking about?” “Your lips on my lips.” There's no one here. No one has to know.” “Undress
me Edwardo, I long to feel your body pressed to mine.” “I cannot! For if I dare I will ravage you
with fiery passion.” “Oh but ravage me! It's all I ever wanted.” “Come my love. To the bed!” There's
really no excuse not to include consent, because it's so easy to show that both parties are excited
for whatever shenanigans are going down. Number Two (2): Equality. Your characters do not need
to be identical. They don't need to come from the same income bracket, they don't need to have the
same level of education, but they do need to bring an equal amount of value to the relationship.
There are a lot of stories out there where the leading lady has a good job, she's got nice
friends, she has a lot going for her. But then she finds herself an emotionally unstable bad boy, who
likes to punch walls, start bar fights, and hump anything with a cooter. But he has a six pack,
so it evens out right? If you're going to write a healthy relationship that means these characters
need to see one another as equals and bring an equal amount of goods to the table. Additionally,
not only should they be equals in worth, but they should also be making an equal amount of effort.
If one person always texts, or always pays, or always saves the other person from certain
death—that's a mess. Now keep in mind, there will come a time in every relationship where things get
unbalanced. Maybe one character loses their job so the other one has to carry the financial burden
for a while. Maybe one ends up in the hospital so their partner has to be the one to offer physical
and emotional support. It's fine if this happens, but their relationship should not revolve around
one person constantly mothering the other. Number Three(3): Respect. Respect does not mean blind
worship, it means having a strong regard for another person's feelings and rights. Thus,
if your character is upset their love interest should give a shit. None of those dismissive
brush-offs like “Oh, women are so emotional.” Or “He's so cute when he's mad.” They don't
trivialize their partner's needs. They don't shame them for how they feel. They treat them like a
person they actually care for and admire. Respect can be shown in the simplest ways. For example,
if one of them is upset, the other one can ask what's wrong? Is there anything I can do? Or
maybe the character asks their partner for input on plot related activities because oddly enough,
they value their opinion. I've said this in the past but a healthy romantic relationship exists
between two people who are first and foremost good friends. And that's largely because of respect.
The best friendships are between people who share a deep respect for one another. And it's the same
deal with romantic relationships. Number Four (4): Fighting. No matter how healthy a relationship is,
there are going to be arguments, but the difference between a healthy relationship
and a dysfunctional one, is how they handle their arguments. First, while healthy couples
do fight occasionally, they usually don't fight nearly as much as dysfunctional couples. Second,
when they do fight certain things do not happen. Physical harm in any form is a no-go. If you've
included this in your story, you've written an abusive relationship. Then there's verbal abuse:
manipulation, gaslighting, and derogatory name calling are not okay. “But Jennaaa, sometimes
when you fight you say things you don't mean.” That's true, and even in healthy relationships,
people are gonna to mess up. But there's a big difference between being momentarily rude or
hurtful, and being abusive. If your characters are going to fight, even if they overreact, or
put their foot in their mouths, be sure that they say and do things that warrant forgiveness. Which
brings us to apologizing because people in healthy relationships admit when they shit the bed. A
proper apology includes a full admission of guilt. They need to own their mistake, express remorse,
and then offer to change their behavior. Then they need to actually change their behavior. Again,
this is provided the mistake doesn't cross the threshold from forgivable to a deal breaker. If
your character slept with their partner's best friend, I think the forgiveness ship has sailed.
Number Five (5): Communication. People in healthy relationships talk about stuff. Isn't that weird?
I know you wanna write a leading man who was hard and stoic, but in the real world people
with no emotional outlet are prone to explosive violence, and have no control over their feelings,
like babies. (Mocking Voice) So masculine! Instead, why don't you write about two mature
adults who actually tell one another how they feel. What a concept? Not only will this make
the romantic relationship healthier, it'll make both characters far more likable. There are few
things worse than going through four books waiting for the characters to finally admit their love
for one another, but they won't do it because talking is hard. And look, miscommunication is
going to happen, but it doesn't need to last for hundreds of pages. If it does,
these characters probably shouldn't be together because they're clearly too immature for a
relationship. And Number Six (6): Happiness. Books are loaded with conflict, that's literally what
drives the plot. But if we're to believe these characters are in a healthy relationship, that
means they need to be happy together. This doesn't mean that they're happy in general, or that their
problems magically disappear. It just means that the love interest has a positive impact on them.
There are so many books that feature love stories where the couple never have a single happy moment,
it's constant drama and pain. And if that's the case, why are they together? A relationship should
bring the best out of you. So amid all the hell you're putting your characters through, write
an instance where they're enjoying each other's company. Or where they're actually better because
they're together. It's such a simple detail, yet it gets overlooked far too often. So that's
all I got for you today. There are so many more things that go into writing a healthy romance,
but right now we're talking about the things that everyone seems to screw up. Equal standing, basic
communication, oh my god—consent! Why are people not writing this? Let's make healthy romances the
new trend in fiction because they're entertaining to read and because they don't make me want to
jump out a window. A huge thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's video. I cannot wait for
The Savior's Champion to be available through them. Again, you can get your first audio book
for free when you try audible for 30 days. All you have to do is visit audible.com/jennamoreci
or text ‘Jenna Moreci’ to 500-500. Information is also listed below. Don't forget to subscribe to
my channel. I post new videos on Wednesdays and if you want to be alerted as SOON as I upload,
ring that bell. It’s right there, you can't miss it. And be sure to follow me on social
media. I'm on Instagram, at Tumblr, Facebook and of course you can tweet me @JennaMoreci! Bye!
(Jenna) “Oh but ravage me. It's all I’ve every wanted."
(Jenna Giggling) I hate myself. (Cliff) You do a real good job.
"Ravage me!" (Cliff) That’s really funny, by the way. (Jenna) Really? (Cliff) You doin’ a good job.
(Jenna) Thank you. (Cliff imitating Jenna) So masculine! (Jenna) Thank you, I’m glad you like it.
(Jenna cooing to Buttercup) My sweetie, my sweet. Aww. Aww. Aww, I love you too.