[ Tea kettle thumps lightly ]
[ Breathes deeply, clears throat ]
I think it just hit me that it's been months
since I've been able to feel whatever I want
without worrying that I will permanently scar a child.
I mean, the constant pressure
of not ruining a life is exhausting.
Are you mad
that I shouted no and made you get up?
[ Chuckles ] No, I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at my mom for bringing it up.
Are you...wanting to get married?
After you shouted no and made me get up?
No, not so much.
I meant, "No, you're misreading the moment,"
not, "No, I don't want to marry you."
So you do want to marry me?
I wasn't saying I want to marry you, or --
or I don't want to marry you.
I, um...haven't thought about it.
I haven't had time. Yeah.
I haven't had time either,
but I've still thought about it.
What have you thought?
[ Exhales deeply ]
I love you, and I love Scout,
and I love us together, and...
you know, marriage is, uh, I guess
kinda how society locks it all in --
Eh, but it doesn't lock it in.
It doesn't lock it in! Mnh.
And your parents' divorce was hell.
It was hell!
And I-I swore that I'd never put a kid through that.
Mm-hmm.
So...
I know that your mom has big ideas,
and Zola has big wedding-dress dreams,
but, um...
have you really changed your mind?
[ Sighs ]
I was a terrible wife.
You had a brain tumor. I did.
But I'm not sure that
the sexy brain tumor can take all the credit.
I still think I'm wired for self-destruction.
Why do you think that?
[ Breathes sharply ]
Because, every day,
for a lot of days now,
I go to sleep thinking about getting high,
and I wake up thinking about getting high,
and sometimes, in the middle of feeding Scout,
I zone out...
and think about getting high.
♪♪
...and he won't let me tell his wife anything.
It's their wedding day, and he's already over her,
which is just -- it's just sad and messy and...
And it's not that I am sick of adults.
Okay, I'm a little -- I'm a little sick of adults.
Adults are always here on the worst day of their lives,
and I am so sick of worst days.
And people being terrified of me because I'm cutting them open.
But with moms, they want you here,
even though it's scary sometimes,
because you being there
means that they're getting to meet their baby,
their dream,
and they can't do it without my help.
And since, uh... [ Clears throat ]
Since Alex left, um...
my house hasn't been my happiest place.
So...
I want work to be.
And I think that you get that.
And I am so grateful to you,
because you believed in me before I believed in myself.
And I will tell you all of this again
when you're awake.
[ Monitor beeping ]
Please, please be awake soon.
Please be well soon.
We can't take any more worst days around here. 00:03:49.604,00:00:00.000 ♪