LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN EGOT WINNER
AND A COHOST OF "THE VIEW."
SHE'S WRITTEN A NEW BOOK CALLED "THE UNQUALIFIED
HOSTESS."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," WHOOPI GOLDBERG!
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
AT YOUR PIANO.
JON IS MY COUSIN.
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS ARE COUSINS?
>> IT TURNS OUT WE ARE.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE YOUR D.N.A. DONE OR SOMETHING?
>> HE HAD HIS DONE.
THEY DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT HIM.
>> Stephen: HOW CLOSE ARE WE TALKING.
>> HENRY LOUIS GATES DID D.N.A., AND WE ARE DISTANT COUSINS, LIKE
THIRD COUSINS.
>> Stephen: HE DID THAT FOR ME.
I GOT QUEEN NOOR OF JORDAN, AND MERYL STREEP, AND ELIZABETH
ALEXANDER.
>> NONE OF US?
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> NONE OF US?
>> Stephen: AHH... LIKE THE TWO OF YOU?
>> YEAH.
I THINK YOU SHOULD LOOK DEEPER.
>> Stephen: I THINK SO.
>> JUST TO SEE!
>> Stephen: I MIGHT HIT YOU UP FOR CASH IF I FIND OUT I'M
RELATED, YOU KNOW,.
>> I GOT YOU COVERED.
>> Stephen: OKAY, BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING ELSE.
>> WHAT, BABE.
>> Stephen: NANCY PELOSI AT 5:00 THA THIS AFTERNOON SAID THA
SHE WAS FINALLY GOING TO GREEN LIGHT AN IMPEACHMENT
INVESTIGATION AGAINST THE UNITED STATES.
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
>> I DON'T REALLY GIVE A ( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOU-- YOU-- YOU DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FLAG ABOUT
THAT SHE DID IT OR ABOUT HIM OR ABOUT THE INQUIRY OR MY
QUESTION?
>> I DON'T REALLY CARE BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, I WANT TO HAVE
SOME FUN.
I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ISN'T THE
RIDICULOUSNESS THAT GOES ON IN WASHINGTON.
SO I JUST REALLY CARE ABOUT MY BOOK RIGHT NOW, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW -- >> Stephen: YOU DON'T THINK
THAT'S IN ANY WAY-- THAT'S NOT SELFISH IN ANY WAY, THAT THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES MIGHT BE PRESSURING OTHER
COUNTRIES-- >> AND YOU THINK I'M BEING
SELFISH YOU? KNOW THIS GUY HAS BEEN DOING THIS.
YOU CAN RUN, TAKE THIS BALL WITH YOU, AND RUN WITH IT.
I RUN WITH THIS BALL EVERY DAY, AND TONIGHT I DON'T CARE.
TONIGHT, I WROTE A GREAT BOOK.
I DID!
AND LET ME-- LET ME -- >> Stephen: WHOOPI, WHOOPI,
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE BOOK.
THERE'S NO FEAR.
BUT YOU DO HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT THIS CAT.
>> BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS TOMORROW.
I DO THIS ALL DAY LONG.
>> Stephen: I HAVE TO DO THIS TOMORROW, TOO!
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
>> Stephen: AND RIGHT NOW, I'D LIKE SOMEONE ON THE SHOW TO HAVE
AN OPINION.
>> SteOPINION.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHAT'S YOUR OPINION?
GLI CAN'T GIVE YOUR OPINION.
DON'T YOU WATCH THE SHOW?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: WHAT WERE YOU WALKING BACKSTAGE.
>> LOOK, YOU HAD THE COFFIN WITH PEPPER PIG IN IT.
>> Stephen: I DID.
>> I SAW THAT.
>> Stephen: YOUR COUSIN WAS IN THE SCENE.
THAT'S WHY YOU WATCHED IT.
>> THE TRUTH IS BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO JUST HAVE
A CONVERSATION, IT IS HOW PEOPLE APPROACH ME ALL DAY LONG-- "WHAT
DO YOU THINK OF THIS?
HE DID THIS!
YOU KNOW THIS HAPPENED."
YEAH, I KNOW, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I THINK.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
I KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?
>> Stephen: ME OR THEM?
>> EVERYBODY.
THIS IS-- LISTEN, I'M SORRY, IF YOU'RE OKAY WITH ALL OF THIS
STUFF THAT'S GOING ON, THEN DON'T VOTE!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT'S GOING ON, THEN GET YOUR BEHINDS OUT
THERE AND CHANGE IT.
THAT'S WHAT THIS LITTLE GIRL IS DOING, THIS LITTLE GRETA GIRL.
>> Stephen: GRETA THUNE BERG.
>> DON'T TELL ME HOW SAD YOU FEEL FOR ME, FIX IT!
THAT'S WHERE I'M AT NOW.
HE HAS TALKED TO ALL KINDS OF DESPOTS.
HE HAS PRETTY MUCH DONE EVERY DESPICABLE THING YOU CAN DO.
AND PEOPLE GO, "WELL, YOU KNOW... THAT'S JUST HOW HE IS."
WELL, OKAY.
NOW THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT.
WHAT YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT?
BUT IN THE INTERIM, I WROTE AN AMAZING BOOK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HAVE HEARD A RUMOR-- AND I HOPE YOU CAN VERIFY THIS OR NOT.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: I HEARD YOU WROTE A BOOK.
( LAUGHTER )
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: ON THE STREET, YOU WROTE A BOOK.
IT'S CALLED "THE UNQUALIFIED HOSTESS."
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE HOSTED SO MANY THINGS.
WHAT-- LIKE, THE OSCARS, "THE VIEW," FUNDRAISERS.
WHY ARE YOU-- IN WHAT WORLD ARE YOU THE UNQUALIFIED HOSTESS?
>> I'M THE UNQUALIFIED HOSTESS IN THE WORLD OF MOST PEOPLE'S
THINKING.
NO ONE EXPECTS A BOOK LIKE THIS FROM ME, BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKE,
"THAT'S WHOOPI.
SHE'S PROBABLY JUST SUCKING DOWN SOME BEER AND SMOKE A JOINT,"
YOU KNOW.
YOU KNOW?
>> Stephen: SORRY, I'M NOT INTO THAT SCENE.
>> THAT'S NOT YOUR THING, I KNOW, I KNOW.
AND I TRY TO BE RESPECTFUL OF THAT.
THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T BRING YOU ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU HAVE IN THE PAST, THOUGH.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, I HAVE.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
>> BUT THE IDEA IS THAT PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE A GOOD TIME.
I WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK ABOUT THE ALL THE STUFF THAT THEY KNEW
AS KIDS.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT US HOW TO SET THE TABLE.
NOT BECAUSE WE HAD ANY FANCY STUFF, BUT BECAUSE IT WAS THE
WAY WE SAT DOWN AND TALK TO EACH OTHER.
AND SO WASHING DISHES, YOU KNOW.
PEOPLE HAVE DISH WASHERS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THEM.
I ONLY KNOW HOW TO HAND WASH DISHERS.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> THAT'S WHAT MY TOM TAUGHT ME.
I HAVE LOTS OF CRAZY THINGS IN MY HOUSE AND I PUT THEM ON THE
DINNER TABLE BECAUSE I LIKE TO-- I'M NOT VERY SOCIAL, SO IT'S
TAKEN ME A WHILE TO HOW TO START CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE AND
BE-- I'M VERY SORT OF SINGULAR.
>> Stephen: WELL, IN THIS YOU TALK ABOUT TABLE-SCAPES IN THIS
BOOK.
>> THIS IS-- >> Stephen: WHAT'S A
TABLE-SCAPE?
>> I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> Stephen: IT'S YOUR DAMN BOOK!
>> I HAVE NEVER CALLED ANYTHING A TABLE-SCAPE IN MY LIFE.
OTHER PEOPLE CALL STUFF TABLE-SCAPES.
THAT WASN'T ME.
WHAT THAT IS THAT'S A TABLE THEY LIKED.
TO ME, THE MOST INTERESTING THING THEY LOVE ABOUT THIS, IS
I-- I DON'T WANT STUFF TO BE PERFECT.
I JUST WANT TO LEARN SOME STUFF.
YOU.
>> Stephen: SAY YOU DON'T WANT PERFECTION.
YOU WANT THEITABLY TO TELL A STORY.
>> YEAH, YOU KNOW?
AND I ALSO WANT PEOPLE TON IF THEY REALLY ARE HAVING A ROUGH
DAY, TAKE YOURSELF TO DINNER IN YOUR KITCHEN.
MAKE-- SET YOUR TABLE.
MAKE IT NICE FOR YOU.
BECAUSE WHY SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE A NICE DINNER?
WHY SHOULDN'T YOU DO IT?
YOU KNOW?
( APPLAUSE )
DOUBLE-BAREILLES QUESTION.
LIKE, BEST PARTY YOU'VE EVER THROWN, AND IF YOU'RE HOSTING A
PARTY WHO DO YOU INVITE TO MAKE IT A FUN PARTY?
>> THE BEST GUEST I EVER GOT TO SAT WITH-- SIT WITH AT MY TABLE
WAS NEAL deGRASSE TRICE TOOISON.
>> Stephen: OH, YES, I HAVE BEEN TO A DINNER PARTY AT HIS
HOUSE, I HAVE HAD HIM TO MY HOUSE, I HAVE BEEN TO SOMEBODY
ELSE'S DINNER PARTY.
>> EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW -- >> Stephen: BRING YOUR OWN
OXYGEN SUPPLY, THOUGH, BECAUSE HE WILL TALK FOR THREE HOURS,
AND YOU'LL ENJOY ALL THREE HOURS.
>> AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN CRAZIER?
YOU'LL REMEMBER A LOT OF IT.
AND THAT'S THE THING, I WANT PEOPLE TO COME TO MY HOUSE WHO
ARE NOT GOING TO FEEL LIKE, "OH, I CAN'T TALK TO THIS GUY," YOU
KNOW "HE CAN'T TALK TO ME.
I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH."
EVERYBODY AT THE TABLE IS SMART ENOUGH TO BE THERE.
AND SO I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE WHEN NEAL IS AT THE TABLE, PEOPLE
FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW THIS.
I'M INTERESTED IN THIS.
AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE INTERESTED IN IT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH HIM ALL
THE TIME.
>> I LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: ANY SUBJECTS NOT TO BRING UP AT YOUR DINNER
TABLE?
OTHER THAN NANCY PELOSI AND THE IMPEACHMENT.
THAT WHOLE THING.
>> THERE'S NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE I WOULD SAY DON'T BRING UP.
I JUST-- WHAT HAPPENS TO ME IS I JUST-- I WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING
NEW.
REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE TOLD, LIKE, STORIES ABOUT THEIR DAY?
I WANT TON STUFF LIKE THAT.
LIKE, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY?
WHAT?
OH, YOU WEREN'T DUCKING B.S. AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THE
PRESIDENT WAS TELLING YOU THE TRUTH OR NOT?
THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO YOU?
NO!
YOU JUST HAD-- I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE DAY A MONTH
LIKE THAT WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HE'S DOING.
I DON'T CARE WHAT HE'S DOING.
TONIGHT, LET'S PARTY.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M HOPING-- I'M HOPING-- I'M HOPING YOU GET
WHAT YOU WANT ON JANUARY 22 OF 2021.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BECAUSE THE NEXT DAY HE DOESN'T
MATTER.
>> HERE'S THE THING.
-- I'M HOPING EVERYONE IS PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT'S GOING ON.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT, IT'S GOING TO SNEAK UP ON YOU IN A
WAY YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO WHAT THIS GENTLEMAN HAS BEEN
SAYING.
"OH, IT WOULD BE GREAT TO BE THE PRESIDENT FOR LIFE.
MAYBE I WON'T GO."
ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED.
AND THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GOING TO BE PREPARED IS IF YOU'RE PAYING
ATTENTION.
PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
BUT THE B.S. DOWN.
TAKE ONE DAY FOR B.S.
BUT JUST KNOW, JUST KNOW THAT UNLESS YOU GET OUT AND VOTE,
IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
IT'S UP TO US INDIVIDUAL-- IT'S THAT--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND, YOU KNOW...
>> Stephen: PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
>> PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
AND PICK UP THE BOOK "THE UNQUALIFIED HOSTESS, AVAILABLE
NOW.
WHOOPI GOLDBERG, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
TA-NEHISI COATES.