Is it normal for ENFPs to create drama
everywhere they go? This is a very, very good question sent from an ENFP in my ENFP Unleashed
program.
Let's add a bit more to that. This has recently happened to me for the third time in six months,
I tend to lose friendships this way and end up feeling that I've done something
wrong and should have just stayed quiet but my ENFP brain knows that the situation was wrong.
I could see the bigger picture, see the injustice and just needed to try and resolve it. So do ENFPs
create drama everywhere we go? Should we just shut our mouths and let injustice go on or is there
another way to find some kind of happy middle ground? So as for the first question is this normal
yes and no. If you've watched my video on the six human needs it's the longer one it's about
30 minutes. It's essential viewing if you want to be a true student of this channel. If you've
watched that video you know that many of us ENFPs we have a strong need for uncertainty
or excitement or variety. We like newness, we like to keep on our toes, we get bored really easily
and what this means is if we are not meeting that need in a healthy way for example with an
exciting job, a very passionate lover or travel around the world that we may create drama. We may
date psycho people, we may get into arguments we didn't really want to have in order to get that
type of stimulation. So that is definitely a real possibility for why ENFPs may be more likely to
create some kind of drama. I also think we tend to be pretty free-spoken, right? We share our opinions
and we're willing to just make statements, we're not the most political people right,
really being careful what we say to absolutely everyone, at least not when we're in the flow.
maybe we've had a few drinks or we feel really comfortable with someone. And this is going to
be true for you, if it's true for you now it will probably be true for you on some level for a lot
of your life and so what I've always done with it is embrace it and find your true friends, find the
people who will appreciate that. Most of my friends are a lot more let's say nuanced or
political with how they express their opinions than I am. And that's okay, they appreciate me for
keeping things interesting, for being so outspoken in certain cases or whatever it is and that can
create a really good loyal friendship. It also means your friends know where you stand and people
appreciate that especially in longer term deeper friendships. The person who's a little offended or
just uncomfortable because maybe you're a bit loud or outspoken or might curse occasionally
I don't know if that's the person you really want to be a good friend with because if you become
good friends with that person let's say it's your friend of yours partner and they're like oh
so-and-so gets thrown off by this or whatever. Okay cool, you can start censoring yourself but how far
does that go? And I'm not saying you shouldn't censor yourself a little bit, for sure. Like if
you're hanging out with an older person who's really likes calm around them, like maybe your
grandmother, you shouldn't be like yelling at them as if you were in a nightclub with your friends
like of course you should adjust yourself at different times with different people. But you have
to be careful of how far that goes like at what point are you just not being yourself at all and
are you using all your energy to filter yourself and restrict what you're saying and that's going
to be pretty draining and not so fun and also it may actually rob you of meeting the people
who would really love you in more of your natural personality. Now with that said, I got a feeling
from your question that this has to do with maybe calling people out on things and saying this is
wrong or this is right, and I have to say I've become a lot more let's say stoic with this over
the years in terms of not doing so in a personal environment, in a personal relationship I'll give
you an example, some of you know my videos on multi-level marketing and how I feel. I was
out for drinks the other night myself and Gabby and another couple here in Spain and the guy is
involved in multi-level marketing. Not one of the really sleazy ones where you like change companies
every three months and convince people who barely speak English to do, it it's more like an Avon and
like a long-term product, they've been doing it 15 years so really not so bad, nothing I have a
big problem with it all actually. But in any case, I'm not gonna start calling him out on everything
over drinks and make a big scene and be like Gabby we have to go. Even if he was involved in
maybe a more of a borderline multi-level marketing business. Now at a certain point, I would if it was
like oh this is the scammer from, what's that, One Coin, then I'd probably have to call the police
and you know make a big stink about it all. But you do have to pick your battles and also realize like
you might not know what the hell you're talking about. One of the things with the ENFPs is we get
really into stuff, right? I wouldn't be surprised if you look through the track record of many ENFPs
there's a point where we are maybe vegan or we have a certain strong religion or anti-religion
or whatever else, and when we're in that we really believe it and we're really obsessed that everyone
needs to know about this is the right thing. And as you mature, you do find that there's some nuance,
I'll use the vegan thing, I'm not saying being vegan is right or wrong either way, but that some
people like myself, are allergic to basically all plant-based protein sources and it really wouldn't
be healthy or like work for me to be vegan. And I know that because I have tried. You learn that
maybe some people who are politically conservative, if you are very politically liberal, you learn that
actually their points make sense in certain ways and that you know there is a nuance to
it and there's a balance between your beliefs and their beliefs and actually it's the combination of
the beliefs that make things work. And so that is something that I would encourage you to do is to
give other perspectives a bit more credit and give a bit more time to listen to them, like
maybe you've seen a bunch of Netflix documentaries and you know for sure that this other person's
wrong but maybe in five years they won't be wrong, maybe you'll actually be the one on the other
side of that conversation as I found myself, I've literally found that where I'm like I made the
arguments you're making now, I used to make this argument. Just keep an open mind. You'll learn more
and develop yourself. So if you're with someone and maybe you disagree with them quite a bit,
ask questions, ask why they think that way and not in some aggressive way, like why do you think that
way. But I mean, really oh interesting like tell me about that, how does that work, what's that like, etc?
And get to know about it. And maybe you'll find that actually for this person their way of
thinking that's totally different than your way of thinking works really well. That's one of the most
important things of learning about personality type. If you've been learning about personality
psychology and the only thing you've taken away from it is what you're like and why everyone
else should be like you, then you've missed the whole picture. Probably the number one benefit
is understanding other people and knowing that they're actually different than you. So
someone living a life that you think that would be terrible for you, it's not terrible for them, it's
actually what they really want and what makes them happy and if they tried to live according to your
standards they would actually be really unhappy. So if you do find that you are causing a lot of drama,
causing a lot of issues, that's what I'd encourage you to do just ask more questions,
listen more, learn to hold back because there's two things one is you could be right and there
is some injustice and probably the way to make a change is not the way you've been doing it,
because if it's just been costing you friendships you're probably not making a change, you're just if
anything, the person is going to dig deeper and cling to the way they were being that you told
them was wrong. But you may also find that it's not really an injustice as you say and that they're
actually doing something the right way for them or for the people in their life or whatever. So
ask more questions, get to understand people better and then ask yourself too like is this
worth making a big deal about? Occasionally you might be out with a group of friends and
there's someone there who's just a moron and it's like, all right, we could make a big
argument about this but if this person is a moron and you know their views are ridiculous, then
why engage really, like if you're not going to change their views. And if you are going to change
their views, if that really is your goal, where you really think I care about this person,
the way they're living is wrong, so I'm not attacking them for my own ego, I'm not attacking them to get
attention because of some weird impulse, because I have to prove I'm right, but I actually care about
this person and I think the way they are living is hurting them, then you probably want to more
ask questions and get to understand them and get some insights, rather than go on the attack.
Thank you for watching, if you are interested in this ENFP Unleashed program I mentioned, you
can head over to dreamsaroundtheworld.com/enfpunleashed check that out. Thank you for
watching, if you're new to the channel I publish new videos each and every week primarily for my
fellow ENFPs, so hit the subscribe button, hit the bell and I will catch you in the next video soon!