PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" JAKE GYLLENHAAL.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU
BACK.
>> NICE TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M SO GREAT.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: WE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME WITH YOU.
YOU HELPED US OUT WITH OUR MIDTERM ELECTIONS SPECIAL.
>> DI.
>> Stephen: OUR PRE-ELECTION EVE.
URE OPENING OF "A CHRISTMAS CAROL."
YOU PLAYED A STREET RAT VERY WELL.
>> THANK YOU.
THANKS SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: AND I PLAYED EBENEZER SCROOGE, WHO DID NOT
HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> YES, THAT WAS THE DAY I SAW YOUR ENTIRE PENIS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, THEY SAY YOU NEVER FORGET THAT DAY.
>> THEY SAY THAT.
>> Stephen: THEY SAY THAT.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT A LONG DAY.
>> IT GOES--
YEAH, IT WAS A SHORT DAY FOR ME.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR.
>> GREAT.
I DON'T KNOW, I WAS DEBATING WHETHER I SHOULD COME BACK.
( LAUGHTER )
WHETHER YOU SHOULD COME BACK TO THE SHOW AT ALL?
I THOUGHT WE HAD FUN WHEN YOU WERE SHOOTING THE WHOLE--
>> I DON'T KNOW, I WAS TROLLING AROUND THE INTERNET, AND I SAW
JUST SOME STUFF I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE SEEN.
>> Stephen: THE INTERNET-- THE INTERNET'S A WEIRD PLACE.
>> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW-- JIM, YOU CAN SHOW-- CAN YOU SHOW STEPHEN?
>> Stephen: WE DO NOT RANK GYLLENHAALS HERE.
WE TREAT THEM ALL EQUALLY.
BUT YOU'RE THE BETTER GYLLENHAAL, AREN'T YOU?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> WHAT?
SORRY I WAS -- >> Stephen: WHAT?
WELL, I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY-- >> THAT'S COOL.
IT'S JUST SOMETHING YOU DON'T SAY ON NATIONAL TV.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE, IF I COULD GIVE ANY POINTERS IT WAS --
>> Stephen: I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD.
>> THAT'S COOL.
NO BIG DEAL.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, DON'T BROADCAST THIS, YOU'RE OUR
FAVORITE GYLLENHAAL.
YOU ALWAYS WERE, BUT I WANTED HER TO FEEL GOOD.
I WANTED HER TO FEEL GOOD
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE.
>> OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS MUST BE CLOSE.
>> YES, WE'RE CLOSE.
>> Stephen: ANY SIBLING RIVALRY?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NOT UNTIL NOW?
YOU'RE WELCOME.
IF I CAN DRIVE A WEDGE INTO A FAMILY, WELL, THEN, MY WORK IS
DONE HERE.
>> NO, I APPRECIATE IT.
SHE'S MY FAVORITE SIBLING, TOO.
>> Stephen: OH, GOOD.
DO YOU HAVE OTHERS?
>> I DO, ACTUALLY, YEAH.
>> Stephen: OH, WOW!
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WOW!
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE OTHER SIBLINGS?
YOU JUST KICKED THEM TO THE CURB?
>> NO, HE'S YOUNG.
I HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER.
>> Stephen: OKAY, HE CAN TAKE IT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD IS HE, LITTLE?
>> HE'S FOUR.
>> Stephen: HE LEGALLY CAN'T WATCH THIS.
>> GREAT.
CUT TO HIM ON THIS COUCH, YOU'RE YOU, BY THE WAY.
>> Stephen: HE IS, BY THE WAY.
YESTERDAY, SPEAKING OF THE INTERNET, BECAUSE I-- I GO
AROUND THE INTERNET, TOO.
I'VE GOT THE INTERNET, YEAH.
I HAVE IT NOW.
THEY LET ME HAVE IT.
YEAH.
THE RESTRAINING ORDER IS OVER.
>> THE SAME PEOPLE WHO YOU'VE SHOWN YOUR ENTIRE PENIS TO?
>> Stephen: THAT WAS JUST YOU.
THAT WAS JUST YOU.
>> OH OKAY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU MORE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THE INTERNET WENT A LITTLE CRAZY YESTERDAY BECAUSE--
>> THEY SAW YOUR-- SORRY.
>> Stephen: THEY-- YOU REVEALED IN THE NEW "SPIDER-MAN"
MOVIE TRAILER, "SPIDER-MAN"-- WHAT'S IT CALLED, FAR FROM HOME,
LONG FROM HOME?
>> "FAR FROM HOME."
>> Stephen: "LONG FROM HOME."
I DON'T KNOW.
DOES THE TITLE MATTER?
WHAT MATTERS IS THEY SAW YOU REVEALED MYSTEYIO.
LOOK AT THAT OUTFIT, MAN.
GOD KNOWS WHAT THAT SUIT DOES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG-- WHY HAS IT TAKEN YOU SO LONG TO GET INTO
THE SUPER HERO GAME?
WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU IN SPANDEX FOR YEARS.
>> I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO, AND THIS WAS-- THIS WAS THE SHOT,
YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: MYSTERIO HE'S A VILLAIN.
>> WELL...
>> Stephen: IN THE COMIC BOOKS HE'S A VILLAIN.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU CAN'T TELL ME ANYTHING.
I KNOW YOU CAN'T TELL ME ANYTHING, BUT TELL ME THIS.
YOU'VE DONE A LOT OF GREAT, QUIRKY, SMALLER, ART HOUSE
FILMS.
IS IT DIFFERENT TO BE IN M.C.U., WHEN IT'S THE BIGGEST MOVIES IN
THE WORLD.
THE BUDGETS ARE ENORMOUS.
BETTER TRAILER?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
>> NO, I MEAN, YEAH, I MEAN, IT IS.
YEAH, PEOPLE TEND TO CONSIDER ME I GUESS-- I GUESS THE MOVIES I
MAKE ARE A LITTLE WEIRD, YEAH.
>> Stephen: SOMETIMES.
SOMETIMES.
I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE WEIRD.
>> YEAH, I KNOW, IT IS DIFFERENT.
AND IT'S REALLY FUN.
IT WAS REALLY FUN.
I THINK, LIKE, I WAS LOOKING FOR A ROLE IN A SPACE LIKE THAT,
THAT FELT LIKE I COULD DO SOMETHING WITH IT.
AND DISOMETHING WITH IT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD I DID WITH IT, BUT I DID SOMETHING WITH IT.
( LAUGHTER )
YEAH...
>> Stephen: IT'S A LOT OF LIKE ACTING WITH PING PONG BALLS AND
THINGS LIKE THAT?
BIG GREEN ROOMS.
( LAUGHTER )
LIKE, YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY FLY, UNLESS--
>> OH, I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING
ELSE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT THERE'S ACTUALLY A LOT OF-- IT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE-- ONE OF
THE MOVIES, A SMALLER SIZED MOVIE WHEN YOU'RE ACTING-- THE
ACTORS IN MOVIES ARE GREAT.
THERE WAS A GREAT CAST IN THIS MOVIE, AND THE DIRECTOR, JOHN
WATTS, IS FANTASTIC, AND HE REALLY MAKES THIS SPACE WHERE
YOU CAN TRY THINGS OUT AND PLAY AROUND AND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE JUST AN AWE TOM TON.
>> Stephen: IS THAT ONE OF YOUR CHARACTER CHOICES.
>> JUST WAIT, JUST WAIT, JUST WAIT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON OFFBEAT ROLES.
I SAW, AGAIN, ON THE INTERNET, I SAW A TRAILER FOR-- IT'S CALLED
"VELVET BUZZSAW," OKAY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GREAT NAME.
SOMEWHAT A REFERENCE TO SOMETHING CALLED A BUZZSAW?
>> A VELVET BUZZSAW?
>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS NICE.
I THINK THAT'S WHAT JON'S JACKET IS MADE OF.
THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL HIM IN THE JAZZ WORLD.
"PLEASE WELCOME THE VELVET BUZZSAW."
PLUst BUT OF BUT YOU PLAY AN ART CRITIC.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THE OPENING LINE OF THE TRAILER IS SO FANTASTIC.
WHAT IS IT, A CRITIQUE-- WHAT IS IT?
>> I FIND CRITIQUE SO LIMITING AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN AMAZING LINE TO HAVE IN A MOVIE JUST TO
THROW THAT LINE LIKE A ROCKET AT A CRITIC'S HEAD.
>> HE SAYS-- HE SAYS, "I FIND CRITIQUE LIMITING AND
EMOTIONALLY DRAINING.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO SOMETHING LONG FORM, BEYOND
OPINION," IS WHAT HE SAYS.
AND THEN IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.
IT'S ACTUALLY A BIG, LONG SPEECH.
YEAH, IT IS NICE TO PLAY A CRITIC.
>> Stephen: YOUR CHARACTER IS-- HE SEEMS-- HE'S WEARING
ARTIE GLASSES AND A TURTLENECK?
>> NOT A TURTLENECK.
IT IS BUTTONED UP.
>> Stephen: HE LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE SPROCKETS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: A PRETENTIOUS CHARACTER?
>> YES, I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT.
>> Stephen: DID THAT COME NATURALLY TO YOU?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE I'M NATURALLY PRETENTIOUS.
THAT'S WHY I DON'T PRONOUNCE THE "T" ON THE END OF COLBERT.
BECAUSE THAT'S NOT MY NAME.
THE NAME IS COAL-BERT.
I PRETENSIONED IT OFF AT THE END THERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF, LIKE, DEEP CRITIQUE OF YOUR WORK?
HAVE YOU EVER READ A CRITICISM OF YOUR WORK AND GONE LIKE,
"THAT IS BEAUTIFULLY COMPLEX, AND NOT AT ALL WHAT MY INTENTION
WAS?" >> OH, LIKE A POSITIVE COMMENT.
>> Stephen: OR EVEN A DEEP OR DECONSTRUCTIVE LIKE, "GYLLENHAAL
IS ATTEMPTING A..." NOPE.
>> YEAR, BY THE WAY, I DO LIKE THIS-- THE PRETENSION THAT
SOMETIMES CRITICS WILL, LIKE, PUT ON TO YOUR WORK, YOU KNOW,
AS A CHOICE, WHEN REALLY YOU HAD NO OTHER CHOICE THAT DAY, AND
YOU JUST CHOSE THOSE SOCKS BECAUSE THEY WERE THE ONLY ONES
LEFT, YOU KNOW.
BUT SOMEHOW, IT'S BECOME YOUR CHARACTER.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YES.
YOUR CHARACTER.
>> I DO REMEMBER READING-- THERE'S A MOVIE THAT CAME OUT,
AND THERE WAS -- >> Stephen: WHAT MOVIE?
>> IT'S A MOVIE CALLED "WILDLIFE."
IT WAS A MOVIE I--
>> Stephen: I WAS THERE IMMEDIATELY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I WAS RIGHT THERE!
>> AND THERE WAS-- THERE WAS A REVIEW THAT SOMEBODY SENT ME
THEY THOUGHT WAS REALLY FUNNY, ACTUALLY.
IT SAID-- IT SAID, "CARRIE MULLIGAN MESMERIZES IN THIS
MOVIE.
JAKE GYLLENHALL, NOT SO MUCH."
( LAUGHTER )
I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY PRETENTIOUS.
>> Stephen: AND YOU WENT, "THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
I'M GOING TO LET HERMES MERRIZE ME.
NOT SO MUCH."
WE HAVE TO TAKE A COMMERCIAL BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE JAKE GYLLENHALL, EVERYBODY.