Couple of quick things before we wrap things up here.
First of all, I am the beneficiary
of literally hundreds and hundreds
of really talented, amazing people
and then I'm just the nose cone of the rocket,
and there's so many people to thank.
11 years ago, I made the decision to come to TBS.
At the time, people were really surprised that I did that.
They didn't think that would be the move.
I did it for one reason, a guy named Steve Koonin came to me
and he's one of the loveliest people
I've ever met in show business.
He's what the Irish call a mensch
(audience laughing)
and we take words that we like.
Anyway, he came to me and he said, "I will protect you,
I will let you and your people do whatever you want,
I'll never interfere
and we'll support you a hundred percent."
They did that.
They did that in every single way.
They never went back on their word.
They were extraordinary and lovely.
The people at TBS were nothing short of remarkable.
None of this would have happened.
I'd have gone away a long time ago if it weren't for them.
So Steve Koonin, I thank you.
David Levy, Kevin Reilly, Dave Wolkis,
Sandra Dewey, Brett Weitz, Jen Cohen.
We love you.
Thank you all so much for making this happen.
They're really good people. (audience applauding)
I wanna thank my squad.
They've been with me forever.
Rick Rosen, Gavin Polone, Leigh Brecheen.
They're the best at what they do
and they take really good care of me.
(audience applauding)
Got to bring up the guy who I met back in 1993.
I was paired with him to try this crazy thing.
No one thought it would work.
And he's been my executive producer since then.
And we are brothers from different mothers,
our executive producer, our jefe, Jeff Ross.
Wanna give it up to Jeff Ross. (audience applauding)
Where are you Jeff?
Hi, Jeff.
(audience applauding)
He was back there trying to get a restaurant reservation.
Anyway... (audience laughing)
Oh, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, they have an outside table.
All right, well anyway.
You know, Jack Black brought up something really important.
In another era, sidekick with someone
who sat next to the host and laughed along
and just sort of supported them.
And they were great in their way.
They all had their special skills.
When I found Andy Richter,
he's one of the funniest people that I ever met.
And I put him next to me and I never said to Andy
"You know, give me room, you can't get the laugh.
I've got to get the laugh."
The rule was always, if you think of the funniest thing,
just say it and that'll get us out,
and he did it a hundred thousand times.
He's a brilliant man.
And I love him forever.
Andy Richter.
(audience applauding)
You know what, actually-
[Audience] Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
(audience continues chanting)
Their chanting is gonna make me cry.
(audience laughing)
Would have been nice if you like fake laugh once.
(audience laughing)
There were times I did.
(Conan and audience laughing)
I started as a comedy writer,
so I always took it as a point of pride.
I always wanted to have the very best comedy writers
and I did.
Starting in 1993 until now.
I cannot express how brilliant these people are
and I don't often know that writers are appreciated
as much as they should be.
I know that there are awards for them
but they're behind the scenes.
You have no idea the courage of many of my writers,
the ingenuity, just the beauty of their minds,
how they work and they're also really good people.
I've been blessed with the best writing in television,
in my opinion, for 28 years, so...
(audience applauding)
Two writers...
I got a call out two in particular right now
because they're true, just amazing people
who still have kept this show going
all through the TBS years
and that is Mr. Michael Sweeney.
Michael B. Sweeney, if you're here.
(audience applauding)
Mike Sweeney's here. (audience applauding)
Who's amazing and he's always in the trenches,
and he goes with me on all the travel shows
and we've been having fights all over the world about...
It's just absolutely absurd
and half the time he's wearing his pajamas
and an old beat up Chatham sweatshirt
'cause that's all he brought.
And I love him.
And I'll tell you someone else, Mr. Matt O'Brien,
who is, I have to point out.
(audience applauding)
He's no relation to me at all.
He's just a brilliant writer in his own right.
But I always tell people that he's my uncle's son
and we had to hire him. (audience laughing)
And so many interns think it's true
and don't give him the respect he's due
and I think it's the funniest thing in the world.
(audience laughing)
But Matt is great.
(audience applauding)
There's a guy on our show who never gets any recognition,
and you will agree with me
that he is the truest warrior. Keeps it running.
He is the like, in the bottom,
the very bowels of the works, the gears, he's been with me.
I think he started with me
way back in the early 90s as an intern,
and he is the guy who travels the world with me.
He's the guy that makes things happen
when people try and shut us down and try and stop a shoot.
He does some crazy thing that's illegal.
(audience laughing)
He get shot in the leg,
but doesn't say anything about it until later.
He is the truest warrior I've ever met, Jason Chillemi.
(audience applauding).
There he is!
(audience applauding)
(Conan laughing)
We didn't think about this through at all.
Everyone's a creep that comes out of the dark.
(audience laughing)
[Andy] Yes! (Conan laughing)
It's like I'm just introducing sexual predators
on the show. (laughs) (audience laughing)
Here's another creep!
Yes?
[Andy] Here I am.
A brilliant woman who is our line producer
and makes everything happen.
If she left us tomorrow,
I would leave show business and Jeff would leave.
She just makes everything work.
She's genius.
Sarah Federowicz.
We gotta give it up to Sarah. (audience applauding)
Sarah! Where are you, you creep?
(audience applauding)
All right, well, whatever.
I got to give a shout out to somebody.
This is very hard for young people to understand.
But in 1993, when I was chosen to replace David Letterman,
people thought it was a batshit, crazy, stupid idea.
They didn't know me the way you do.
I had no experience.
I really shouldn't have had the job.
One guy changed my life.
Lorne Michaels "Saturday Night Live" said...
(audience applauding)
He said, "I think that guy,"
and NBC said, "The writer with the weird hair".
And he was like, "Trust me. He's got something."
And Lorne put his credibility on the line.
He really did at the time.
You can go back and read and people wrote, "Wow!"
I remembered reading an article that said
Lorne Michaels has taken like the biggest gamble
of his career with this complete unknown for such a big job.
Lorne saw something in me.
I'd like to think he was right.
And he changed my life and I owe him forever.
He's a great man.
(audience applauding)
On a personal note,
quick shout out to Lisa Kudrow,
who I met right outside these doors
in a little improv actors space.
(audience applauding)
In 1985, and I immediately sized her up
as like one of coolest most talented people I'd ever meet
and a lovely person.
When I started to go through the possibility
that I might get this job
it was, I must repeat, a completely insane idea.
And nobody except Lorne thought it could work.
Lisa Kudrow had more faith in me than I did.
And she said, "You've got to do it.
You have to do it.
You're like the only one that can do it."
I thought she was nuts.
But I wouldn't be doing this job,
you wouldn't know me if it wasn't for Lisa Kudrow.
So big shout out Kudrow. (audience applauding)
Now, I'm gonna wrap this thing up as fast as I can.
I come from a big family,
but I gotta give a big shout out to my parents
who I think raised me right.
I love you, mom and dad.
And they'll see this, I think, three months from now.
'Cause they don't know how the internet works.
(Conan and audience laughing)
Someone will get them a film of this
but I love them dearly.
And, you know, what are you gonna say?
They're just amazing people.
My siblings, Neil, Luke, Kate, Jane, and Justin,
they never ever were impressed with anything.
They just, I mean, would you?
(audience laughing)
I'm not saying that in a bad way.
They always treated me the way they did when we were kids,
which was chitty.
(audience laughing)
I'm a fucking celebrity man.
(audience laughing)
They're really amazing people.
They've supported me in every way.
It's probably not always the easiest thing
to be related to someone like me
who acts like an ass for living.
But they've never, for a second,
bought in to any of the potential foolishness
of this business.
And they give me shit constantly.
And I love you guys all for it.
Probably the biggest shout out I got to give
is one of the most amazing things
or I'm gonna say the most amazing thing
that happened to me on this show over the 28 years
of various shows of the various nine.
Was shooting remote
and I saw this woman on the remote
who's was an advertising executive,
immediately fell in love with her.
You can see me kind of fall in love with her on camera.
It was the best decision I ever made in my life,
including "Late Night".
I mean, she is the best decision.
She's my beautiful, super smart much smarter than me,
wife, Liza.
So thank you, Liza. (audience applauding)
Whatever people think of me in our relationship
they quickly figure out that Liza's the smart one
and really funny.
And when we shot the scene from "The Notebook"
where I kissed Ryan Reynolds
She saw it happen. She was there.
She saw it happen.
And when it was done she said,
"Well, that ruined both you for me."
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
And because of Liza
and because she's so smart and such an amazing mom,
I've just two incredible children.
I know everyone thinks their children are incredible
but I've seen some of your children
and they suck. (laughs) (audience laughing)
My children are better.
They just saw her, you know.
I've really looked into it.
You got some bad children.
Neve and Beckett I love you.
And, again, you'll see this in 30 years
when you start to understand about my career.
And now I'll just close with this one thought
I have devoted all of my adult life, all of it,
to pursuing this strange phantom intersection
between smart and stupid.
And there's a lot of people
that believe the two cannot coexist.
But God, I will tell you
it is something that I believe religiously.
I think when smart and stupid come together
it's very difficult.
But if you can make it happen,
I think it's the most beautiful thing in the world.
I am so grateful to all my staff
and the fans in this country and around the world,
who have joined me in this
really crazy and seemingly pointless pursuit
(audience laughing)
to do things that are kind of stupid
but have something smart in there somewhere
and then there's a little tiny sort of flicker
of what is a kind of a magic.
I think that's what I believe.
So my advice to anyone watching right now,
and it's not easy to do.
It is not easy to do. It's not easy to do.
But try and do what you love with people you love.
And if you can manage that,
it's the definition of heaven on earth.
I swear to God, it really is.
So goodnight. Thank you very much!
(audience applauding) (upbeat music)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you! Thank you!
Love you!
I don't love you! I love her!
Bye, you guys!