how to become naturally influential and persuasive keep watching this is life
mastery gym I'm Damon Cart and I teach people just like you cutting edge NLP
processes and techniques so that you can master your life and take charge of your
destiny so if that sounds good make sure you click the subscribe button right
here down below so that you can get these videos on a regular basis when I
decided to make this video I had to ask myself what have I not done a video
about in regard to persuasion and influence I've done a bunch of them
there's a lot of nin Opie techniques and language patterns and I've done lots of
videos on these things in fact I'll link a few to this videos so that you can
watch them I wanted to get into something deeper than just techniques
and just language patterns but before I get into this before I get into the meat
of this video I would like to hear from you what is it you would like to know
about persuasion and influence put your question in the comment down below in
the comment section down below I will respond to you and I might even
make a video based on what your question is or rather based on what my answer is
to your question one of the most overlooked parts of persuading and
influencing is really getting clear about what it is that you want so when
you think about a situation in which you want to be more persuasive and more
influential what is it that you want now like you would just think well I just
want to be more influential and persuasive like in all contexts and the
whole areas of my life okay that's fine if you want that not it's not a problem
but you still need to kind of draw a line around an area of your life and say
okay in this context I want to be more persuasive and influential now this
could be at work with sales it could be at work just working with other people
if you're in a management position you want to be more influential and
persuasive with the people you manage it could also be in social situations
the thing to get clear about is what it what is it you want out of this
situation now you might say something very basic and simple like well I want
to make a sale okay but let's explore that even more you
want to get more and more clarity about this and one way that you can do that is
through value solicitation and how you do that basically as you say okay well I
want more sales out of this particular appointment that I'm going to have I
want to make the sale okay well what would that sell do for you and go really
deep with this okay well it would make me more money great what's important
about making more money and this is when you start to get into the intangibles
like well there's more security there and then maybe there's prestige maybe
there's recognition there's all these things that you're going after and you
keep asking that question what does that do for you and what is important about
that to you and you go really deep into understanding the intangible of what's
driving you that's the value so the value is when you go really really deep
it's more the experience you want the feeling you want to feel that's what a
value is then there's the other side of the spectrum which we call criteria so
what is the criteria for you experiencing that value you probably
have more than one that's the beautiful thing about values as they're intangible
they're vague which means you can plug them in tell us anything so if I know
the value behind what it is that I want then I would then go to the criteria and
ask myself okay well how do I know when I have this how do I know when I
experience a sense of financial security how do I know when I experience prestige
if that's what I'm after the value like I said is intangible the criteria is the
tangible it's the thing that you would see that you would hear that you would
feel that lets you know oh yeah I'm getting that thing now this is very
important because sometimes we experience our values and we don't even
realize it and then sometimes we have all the criteria together which we think
we want but we're not experiencing the value and this is really getting into a
different video about what it is that's going to ultimately fulfill you I've
done videos about that I'll do or videos about them right now I want to
really stay on track with persuasion and influence so what I am very very clear
about what it is that I want this is going to come out in my communication
and if I'm very clear about what I want in a particular context when I'm in that
context it will naturally come out of my communication people will pick up on
this some of it will be covert and some of it will be overt meaning some of it
will be I will be directly saying what it is that I want and directing people
to help me get what I want and then there are there will be lots of
subtleties and lots of lots of things that I'll put unconsciously into my
communication now you might be thinking well I have to go learn language
patterns to do that no you don't it is amazing how much things come out in your
communication unconsciously when you are very clear about what it is that you
want so that would be the first thing that I would tell you is get very clear
about what it is that you want make sure you first take a context don't just be
too general and it won't work that way pull out of context elicit your values
from it and then elicit your criteria how do I know when I have it what are my
values here and how do I know that when I have it and this will give you lots of
flexibility around getting what you want as well because like I said values are
very broad in general and intangible which means you can plug a lot into them
and the more you explore the criteria the more you'll realize there's a lot
more options and choices that you've probably hadn't considered before so
when you're in a situation where you're persuading and influencing you have this
flexibility and this adaptability and if we look at it specifically around sales
well maybe the thing that you thought you were going to sell this person isn't
what you're going to sell them because you understand this person better and
you understand that there are more options and so you offer that person
other options that fits their situation now this leads me right into the other
piece to this and that is to understand the other person's values and the other
person's criteria when you do that when you elicit that person's values
basically what is it they want and then what is it behind what they want what's
really driving what's the unconscious stuff what is the experience that they
want you know most people say well we all
want to save time and save money or we want more money and we want more time
okay to do what just more time and more money and if you stopped right there
well that's not going to be enough you want to know more behind that so you
want more money to do what well you probably want more money first for
security that's an experience you probably want more money to sort of
buy the experiences that you want which would mean might mean like travel
or you buy a car and again a car it's an it's an object do we just really want a
bunch of cars sitting around in our driveway no what we're buying is the
experience of driving that car the experience of being seen in that car so
remember we're always looking for an experience we're always wanting an
experience we don't want the objects we don't want the money we want what we the
experience we believe that will give us and that's where that's what values are
the car would be an example of criteria well how do I know when I have that
experience of maybe it's being adventurous what I have that car no
that's gonna be different for everybody but that's an example of the criteria so
if I'm in a sale situation I want to know what it is that person wants and of
course it's going to differ from whatever it from salesperson to
salesperson client to client whatever it is that you're selling so you plug in
whatever it is that that you're selling and you ask a question somewhere in the
area of what it is that you're selling based on what it is that they're there
to meet you about so for example I did insurance sells don't do it anymore but
I did and so I would flat-out ask them you know what is it they want out of
their insurance and a lot of times they would say well you know I want to know
somebody is there who somebody has my back when something goes down whenever I
have a loss okay great and then I go from though you know what is important
to you about that now you have to be careful about this when you're first
starting I would practice this and a great way to practice is to start on
yourself they listed your own values listed your own criteria and then
practice with friends they're listening their values in their criteria and at
first it's not going to be easy at first it's going to come out as you're giving
the person the third degree well what's about that and then how do you know when
you have it that's natural for it to come out that way and like anything that
is worth getting good at it will take practice but it is so so worth it and to
me this is this goes far deeper and is far better than knowing a bunch of NLP
techniques technically this is NLP but what I mean is like the language
patterns are all these things that people were often selling that will win
you the sale make you more persuasive and more influential if you take the
time to practice what I'm teaching you here you will go much much deeper you
will go you will take this to a level that most people aren't even aware of
what it is that you're doing because technically what you're doing is you're
getting clear about what it is that you want you're getting clear about what it
is your client once or whoever it is you're persuading or influencing and
then you're bringing these two together how do we create a win-win situation
here where I get what I want and you get what
you want and if by getting very clear about these things I start to understand
that in this situation it's really not going to work out I can't we can't both
get what we want in this situation because what we want is two different
that's an amazing thing to know as well so it lets you know right then it's not
worth your time pursuing this any further and maybe yeah you could throw
these NLP techniques at the person and get them to buy it when it's something
that they don't really want because you it doesn't really match up to their
values it doesn't really match up to their criteria then you're gonna have a
buyer you're gonna buyer's remorse and you know the person not happy with the
situation so don't do that don't just throw NLP techniques at them some of
them are very helpful and some of them will speed up the process and make
everything that I'm talking about here even easier but you want to be careful
with that you want to make sure that you're really connecting with what it is
that you want and what it is that the person wants who you're influencing now
a little more about this clarity about what it is that you want think about all
of the great leaders who have ever lived why were they such good leaders a word
you will probably hear quite often when it comes to
these great leaders is visionary what does that word mean visionary well it
means that they have a visual idea of what it is that they want and that's
what they're aiming for and visions tend to be a bit vague we're not you know
visions aren't detailed by detail perfect it's a vision so it's somewhat
vague and so what visions are is really it's a vision is based on values you
take three to five values three to five of your highest values and you put them
all together and you see it that's a vision and when you have that kind of
clarity about what it is that you want that is leadership right there and we
love to follow leaders especially leaders who seem very confident about
what it is that they want and very clear about what it is that they want so this
alone just the clarity about what it is you want in a particular situation and
then you can go more broad with very clear about what you want for your life
that influences people that kind of confidence in that clarity will get
people to follow you we're addicted to that we love that we want to be around
that most people don't have enough of it in themselves so when they meet someone
with it they go oh yeah I want more of this I want to be around this person so
that's what makes clarity not only important for your life and getting what
it is that you want but in influencing others and becoming a leader and getting
people to follow you in that way now when you take the time to get to know
what it is someone else wants what it is that's important to someone else
and you ask those questions and you do it in an artful way in a graceful way
you that person will want to talk to you more it'll be hard to get rid of this
person because that feels good when someone takes an interest and interest
in and in you in a way that most people don't so when you ask these questions
these questions that go deep and like I said you want to be careful you want to
be graceful about it and eloquent about it you don't want to just like hit them
with questions over and over but when you ask
these questions and you go deeper with that person once again your your
persuasion and your influence with that person is going to go way up because
you're listening to them on a deeper level and much deeper level than what
most people listen to them and so they're gonna follow what you say more
than more than likely I mean not just in it you know you can't tell you can't
tell them something really silly and expect them to do it but once you build
that kind of rapport with people people are going to naturally gravitate to you
so let's recap this values and criteria that's what it's called and I've done so
I've done so many videos on values of link some of those here as well so
values getting clear about what you want getting clear about what the other
person or people want you could be you could even do this with a group and
cultures have values businesses have values societies have values countries
have values so you can do this with more than one person so get in touch with
what it is that you value what it is it that you want in a situation okay so so
you want you want to persuade someone or you want to influence someone what then
what is really driving that what is behind it get very very clear about that
and then get clear about the criteria for that how do I know when I have it
how do I know when I'm experiencing that value so that you can recognize it and
not only you can recognize it but you can move toward it and then with the
people who you are persuading or influencing same thing you ask them what
it is that they want hey what are you interested in what interests you what do
you want and when they give you an answer you say well you know I'm just
curious what's important about that to you or what would that do for you if you
had that and just go deeper and deeper with this with the person and then once
you have those juicy values and I say juicy because these are really really
powerful you can even package what you're saying
using their values well hey if I could show you a way to get that financial
security and have more joy and passion in your lives would that be something
you're interested in I think I'd be like yeah if that's their values and then you
want to know okay well how do you know when you're experiencing it like what
has to be there you know what what parts
or what is it you're seeing and hearing and that you can maybe touch that lets
you know that you're experiencing this value and go really deep with the person
and then naturally it'll start to emerge in addition to lots of rapport is maybe
you can create that vision together with that person or that group of people of
how your wants and your values can merge with their wants and their values for me
like I said I did a lot of insurance sales I would sell life insurance and
what I would have was my vision of being able to help protect families if
something should ever happen to this person their family is taken care of so
that we can all sleep better knowing that this this person's family is
financially protected and so my job I felt was to educate them about life
insurance my job was to try to protect their family as best that I could and I
wanted to sell to and I was gonna be shy about that either so these were the
things that I wanted and then I would go deeper with that and you know get very
clear about what do I get to experience when that happens and then I talked to
the client I say okay what's important to you of course they want their family
protected okay well you know when your family's protected what does that do for
you well it lets them relax relaxation as a value it lets them think about
other things that they would rather be thinking about like what is it they want
to do that's fun and enjoyable in life instead of worrying about all the
problems or the the possible disasters or tragedies that could happen so you
build that vision with the client or with the group or whoever it is that
you're persuading and influencing just by listening it and it'll start to
naturally happen like I said this will take some practice I also would not run
out and do this with your clients right away you want to practice this start
with yourself it listed your values and criteria and make sure you get specific
about a particular context don't try to do it overall like general life it's not
gonna work well that way you can do it with multiple contexts you don't have to
only do one either so but pick a context elicit your values that listed the
criteria and then practice with friends and when you feel comfortable and you
feel like you can ask these questions without seeming like you're probing or
that you're giving the person the third degree that's when you start using it
with either your clients or whoever it is that you want to persuade an
influencer all right now you know probably the best way to persuade and
influence people but you probably also want some language patterns right so
that's why they created this PDF it's a free pdf on the Milton model it's the
language patterns based on the father of modern hypnosis Milton Erickson and this
is basically where NLP where the developers of NLP got the reputation for
being persuasive and influential was they modeled these language patterns
from Milton Erickson and then they created a model called the Milton model
so I give you some of these language patterns in this free pdf the way to get
your hands on it is to go to the link in the description or there's a link I'll
pin it to in the comments pin it to the top just click on that link you'll get
immediate access to the PDF and study those language patterns and started
practicing them and using them I wouldn't use them with your clients
right away until you get really good at them but like everything else it just
takes practice or you want to you want to get good at it first before you start
using it with clients if you liked this video click the like button right here
and hit that subscribe button if you haven't already subscribed and also
while you're down there make sure you get your hands on that free pdf if you
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you