Should you make your ex miss you through limited contact or no contact? How do you guys really
feel about being called daddy? If you ask a guy whether he's single and he says, why
do you want to know? What can you possibly say back, and how do you be more confident,
exuberating fun and playfulness in your dating. Welcome to Ask Mark. It's week number 44 and
I have dates for you. This is very exciting. I'm so, so excited to be coming to a city
near you. Dates are as follows and I'm going to put these up on the website soon, but you've
got an exclusive early look, 2018 tour dates. I'm going to be in Brisbane on the 6th of
January. I'm going to be in Sydney on the 10th of February, Melbourne on the 17th of
February, Los Angeles on the 3rd of March, New York on the 10th of March and Miami on
the 17th of March. So make sure you jot that day down. Keep the date clear. If that's you.
I can't wait to see you in your city if that's not you. I will have more dates coming soon
after that little tour.
Let's get straight into the content this week. Join the Facebook group. If you're not already
a member, make sure you hit that big red subscribe button and let's go. The question is from
lovely Edith, Edith ah who says, hi, Mark, Um, I was wondering why you talk about limited
contact, uh, and in a video from a year ago, you say a month of no contact. Why the change?
Get some consistency you bloody dating coach and which one works better if you want your
ex back when working on yourself? So limited contact or no contact, which works better
to make your ex miss you? So before I get into that, just a word. If you don't know
what limited contact is, it's something I talk about on this channel, but it's not something
you hear from a lot of other coaches.
It's basically the idea that you don't have to be a cold, heartless person who blocked
someone out to be your best self and make that person miss you. In fact, sometimes it
can actually be detrimental because it's not authentic to who you are and your best self.
Limited contact means no contact from your end, but still reply respectfully, show the
type of woman that you are so which works better to make your ex miss you? Again, let's
look at the question we're asking ourselves. How do I make my ex miss me the most? In other
words, you're asking how can I give him the most negative emotions, the most negative
emotional experience? That's not the best question to ask yourself. That's a question
coming from ego. The real question you want to ask is how do I be my best self in this
situation. So I have clients write down an Authentic You Statement as to what their best
self would do.
I'd encourage you to do the same and to read over it to decide what to do in your situation.
There will be times when no contact is a better answer to be with your best self. For example,
if theguy keeps coming to you, he's clearly emotionally attached, you want to get away,
then you might have to say, "for both of us, I think it's best we go, no contact a while."
If there's a situation where you can't get your emotions out, you're so tied in to someone
who you know is not good for you, who your friends are telling you is not good for you,
who I'm telling you is not good for you, but you need to get those emotions out. Letting
him know that you're going to go no contact for X period of time, 30 days, 90 days, maybe
longer could be a very wise decision for you and setting those boundaries might well be
in accordance with your best self.
If there's been extreme disrespect there, especially recently, no contact is much smarter
because it means you're not giving time to someone who frankly hasn't earned it. Even
though later on you might come to see, you might come to be grateful for that because
of what you learned from it. So the answer to the question is basically to ask yourself,
what would my best self do here? And do that. Because when you're being the most authentic
to you and the person you want to be, that's actually as a secondary effect, going to have
the most attraction from your ex anyway. But really think about reframing the question
and being the best you and the answer of no contact or limited contacts will come to you.
Good question Edith, thank you for sending it through. Oh, second question is from avgonyma1
and this is on that, uh, how to ask the guy if he's single video in reference to the final
example where I said, most of the time you can just walk straight up and if you present
it right, you can just say, Hey, are you single?
And the guy's going to love it. But the question is, what if he asks why you want to know?
Okay, well, this totally depends on the way he says it. If you go up to him and go, Hey,
are you single? And he's like, "well, why do you want to know?" It's like, God, well,
sorry, I ask that. No reason I'll be leaving now. Let's say he's more playful though. And
he responds with something like hmm, so why do you want to know? That's when you can respond
with can't a girl ask if a cute guy is single? Straight eye contact, it'll work well. Really
good question. Uh, next question is from Kai and Kai says, I sometimes randomly call guys
I date for a while Daddy don't think they like it. Opinion Mark. Um, yeah. Kai I'd be
pretty careful with this one. If you started calling me daddy or if I started calling you
mommy. You'd probably be a little freaked out by that.
Now we all have bedroom fantasies and if this is you, then cool. Good on you for that. But
I'd be pretty careful Kai, get to know someone really well before you go into those types
of fantasies. A number four is from the Southern Lotus and Southern Lotus says yesterday someone
told me he could tell I'm all business. Is this a negative thing? I didn't know how to
take it if he was saying I'm too serious. Granted I'm not all business all the time,
but I'm also not as playful as I could be. Uh how can you increase confidence to become
more playful and fun? And I was thinking about this question and I got really excited cause
I was going to create a separate video and I got too excited and I decided this question
needed a whole video series.
So I'm going to do that. But for right now I just want to give you a couple of little
quick things just to add playfulness, excitement, fun to your dates. Cause this is just, this
is just such a wonderful question, but how to do it, it's something a lot of women, lot
of people struggle with. So movement in your dates, adding movement as moving places, literally
just whether it's walking around, whatever it is, adds unpredictability and adds new
environmental stimuli around you. That means there's always going to be new things and
more fun coming through. More opportunities to create fun in your dates and in the follow-up
videos I'm going to explain more on how to do that. The other way to instantly add playfulness
and spontaneity in your dating is by adding challenge, fun challenge to your dates. So
you can do this by suggesting dates that are competitive, say a bowling date or a timezone
arcade game date, something like that.
But you can actually add a challenge anytime. So let's say a guy asks you a question that's
maybe a little bit forward or maybe you're not 100% comfortable answering yet. Something
like, Oh, what's your biggest fear? Or what's a particular, what's a weird date story that
you had? Or he just asks you something where it's kind of cutting close to that line of
what you're comfortable with answering. This is a really good opportunity to add in challenge
cause you can say, Oh that's forward of you. All right, I'll tell you what, you skip down
the street up to that lamp post and I'll tell you 100% truth what my deepest fear is. Adding
fun, spontaneous, fun. It could be him getting to the third branch in a tree. It could be
him speaking in a British accent for the next 10 minutes, whatever it is. Finding little
fun challenges that you can add in spontaneously, anywhere, anytime.
And this is why movement is so good as well cause there'll be all sorts of opportunities
for this adds fun to your date and then increases the connection when he comes back or when
he's done his thing. He can then give you a challenge and you can do the challenge and
you then get to ask him a question he has to be 100% honest about. This is also a really
great way to bring in those questions that might otherwise be quite weird. So questions
like, okay, well what is your biggest goal in life? And what drives you to it? Questions
that if they came out of the blue could sound quite contrived. But if they're based around
a game or a fun challenge, you're allowed to ask them and the person has to be honest
with you. So that's a couple of little ways to just add spontaneous challenge, fun to
your dates.
Well thank you for watching. Let me know your thoughts, comments, questions, etc. Put them
all in the space below. Give the video a thumbs up, hit the subscribe button with the little
bell so you get the notifications as well. And don't forget to join the Facebook group
and Mark down those dates from the start of the video. Thank you so much for watching
and I'll see you on the next ass market very soon.
[Music]