Now, when you work as much as I do,
it's important to take some time to relax.
And when I'm not working on this show, I like to unwind
the way any normal 31-year-old woman does --
by playing video games.
Doin' me! Come on!
Now, I love all video games,
but I prefer the ones I grew up with.
I mean, you can tell how old someone is just by asking them
what their first gaming system was.
You know what I mean?
Like, mine was the original Nintendo.
Can I get a -- [ Cheers and applause ]
My older sister had an Atari.
And my parents had the one where you're in a car
going as fast you can while 100 other cars
drive towards you and you're constantly swerving
to avoid hitting pedestrians.
Yeah, it was called "Driving in India."
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs ]
Growing up, I had that same game everyone else had.
The "Super Mario Bros.", "Duck Hunt" split.
Shout-outs to "Duck Hunt," though.
Can we take a moment?
[ Cheers and applause ]
I swear, 'til this day, I don't know how they made
that gun connect to the game.
That was the pinnacle of technology. Don't @ me.
Well, it wasn't very challenging
because the ducks moved so slow.
It was less like "Duck Hunt" and more like,
"Yo, should we wake these ducks up before we shoot them or...?"
Also, can I just say, with an adult perspective...
Mario should've taken a hint. You know what I'm saying?
Princess Peach was never really into him.
She wasn't. "Kidnapped" by Bowser.
Yo, he had a castle! She was leveling up!
What's up? Mario is annoying anyway.
I mean, who wants a guy
that has to announce himself all the time?
No matter what you say to him,
he's just like, "It's a-me, Mario!"
Folks, we all know that Bowser is way hotter than Mario.
I mean, he's got the spiked leather bracelets, the abs...
the amazing eyebrows.
Wait. Come to think of it, is Bowser gay?
[ Laughter ]
Video games have come a long way from when they first started.
Before, it was just two lines hitting a dot back and forth...
or a man jumping over some barrels.
Simple, innocent.
Now it's like I gotta effin'
run over this prostitute for no reason,
get into a drag race with a bunch of gang members,
rob this liquor store, and kill everyone inside,
because, you know, fun!
Games today are so complicated.
Y'all, there are so many buttons.
I feel the same way about video games
that guys do about unhooking a girl's bra.
Just up, down, over, circle, square?
I don't know. I don't know.
And the graphics have gotten so detailed.
I know that makes me sound old, but now I know what my parents
must have thought the first time they saw "Pac-Man."
Just like, "This is the most realistic yellow circle
eating ghosts I've ever seen."
[ Laughter ]
And even though I'm not good at them,
I still try to play newer games.
Like, I love "Fortnite," but it's just so hard.
You know? The best I've ever done was finishing second.
So it's basically just like my sex life.
[ Laughter and applause ]
You clappin' too hard. You clappin' too hard.
She's like...
[ Laughs ] Who hurt you?
[ Laughter ]
I don't know if you guys play "Fortnite," but recently
a black hole appeared in the game,
shutting it down for two whole days.
Seriously, a meteor came down, hit the island,
and set off a chain of events
that sucked up everything on the "Fortnite" map.
It was the ending to "Lost" that we all deserved.
And here's how old-school I am.
When "Fortnite" stopped working -- this is true --
my first reaction was to blow on my PS4.
I'm like...
[ Laughter ]
But, of course, it was all just a marketing stunt.
"Fortnite" is back, and there are all these new features.
I mean, there's a new map you can play in,
you can upgrade your weapons, and now you can even go fishing.
Yeah.
For a game where you're supposed to kill everyone in sight,
that sounds relaxing as hell.
Straight up, in a couple of years,
we'll be able to boot up "Fortnite,"
collect some essential oils,
and make our characters fall asleep during a massage.
Just like...
But, real talk, I actually really respect gamers.
I know sometimes they get a bad rap.
I mean, even I'll admit that I never really understood
why people watch other people play video games.
But then I was like, "Well, I watch other people
play basketball. It makes sense."
They do what we can't, and they actually make bank doing it.
Hmm.
Plus, pro-gamers are better role models than basketball players.
Because you can't cheat on your wife
if you've never even talked to a girl.