Dylan: Coming up on the island.
Simmons: How are we going to know if they're here?
Dylan: I got a feeling they'll see us before we see them- [Alarm]
Dylan: Yep. There's our answer. Someone just locked missiles.
Jax: Shields up! Go to red alert!
Sarge: What does this hawk have in the way of countermeasures?
Dylan: Well, if they shoot, we can counter by exploding. That's about it.
Simmons: Yeah, let's make that plan B.
Dylan: Our autopilot is worse than useless against guided missiles.
I- I don't suppose any of you moonlight as combat pilots?
Grif: Oh! I crashed a ship once- uhh, it was technically a tactical crash.
Tucker: Yeah, I think I prefer plan B.
Dylan: Incoming! Twelve o'clock.
Dylan: Grif!
Grif: Just a minute! I still haven't figured out how to invert the controller scheme.
Grif: Whoo! That was on purpose!
Dylan: Oh, heck.
Surge: Direct hit, sir. She's going down.
Temple: Thanks. I fucking noticed.
Surge: I still think we should have eliminated-
Temple: Enough! Looks like you'll get your wish after all.
Surge: Shall I lead the greeting party?
Temple: We've got more important things to do.
Temple: Have Lorenzo and Cronut roll out the red carpet while we secure the facility.
Surge: Uh, permission to speak freely, sir?
Temple: Nah.
Surge: Alright, then.
Surge: You heard the man, men! Let's show our guests some hospitality!
Jax: Okay, I know I sound like a broken record.
Jax: But you definitely should have been-
Grif: Would you shut up about the leaf on the wind shit?!
Grif: I got us out alive, you're freaking welcome.
Dylan: The Revere's totaled. The comm array is still functioning, but not for long.
Dylan: That's gonna cost someone an arm and a leg.
Sarge: You mean besides Lopez?
Simmons: Hey, Lopez! How about we turn you into a little backpack like C-3PO at the end of Empire?
Sarge: What's that? You want us to throw you into the ocean?
Sarge: But Lopez, why would we do that?
Sarge: Ohhh! To keep you from falling into enemy hands, heheh.
Sarge: Your selflessness knows no bounds.
Grif: Hey, don't look at me, Lopez. I'm the lazy one, remember?
Grif: I can barely speak English.
Tucker: Let's get our boogie on, troops! Before they come looking for survivors.
Dylan: The power facility is at the top.
Dylan: That's where Temple will be holed up with the machine.
Simmons: Too late to call for backup?
Tucker: Any ideas, Carolina?
Carolina: One or two.
Carolina: Hey, Grif. What did you bring in the way of edibles?
Red: Ease up, broseph. Just say, "Don't knock it till you try it."
Blue: Personally, I don't see what the big deal is.
Red: They're baaaby seeals.
Red: See, that's why it's so funny when you bash their brains in.
Red: Personally, I put on some Nickelback, do a few dozen at a time...
Red: Brrrup! [Chuckles]
Blue: Yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess that's kind of funny.
Red: Fine, Judge Judy, the heck do you do for fun?
Blue: Oh, you know, normal stuff.
Blue: I like pushing small children down wells...
Blue: I like hunting endangered animals...
Blue: I like driving around without ever using my turn signals!
Red: Hahaha, nice.
Blue: Yeah, you know lately, I've really been into defending Hitler on the internet.
Red: Heeeell yeah.
Red: Pretty much every Red on this seal site is a casual racist AND a Holocaust denier!
Blue: Hahah, same with the Blues.
Blue: We also agree that all women are sluts.
[Scream] I've been mortally woundeedddd...
Blue: Contact, southeast! We're under attack! Open fire!
Red: [Mumbling] I can't see anything, I don't have my glasses...
Grif: [Rapidly] Hey guys, how's it going guys, going good over there?
I'm doing the methshrooms! Meth meth methshrooms!
And they're doing their thing and I'm doing my thing and everything's going great over here.
I feel great, over.
Sarge: Very surprising sneak attack! Raaaargh!
Tucker: Damn it, Sarge!
Sarge: Saddle up, Simmons! Or Grif! Warthog's all the action!
Simmons: With pleasure, sir.
Yeah, suck it, Blues! And Reds! And Blues and Reds!
Carolina: Got three new tangos to the west.
Sarge: Copy that! Juking at 9 o'clock!
Carolina: Simmons! Contact! 85 degrees east.
Sarge: Simmons! By god! Two marks at 12 o'clock!
Simmons: Can we please settle on a consistent denomination?
Are we using cardinal directions or are we using clock positions?
Sarge: Simmons! Contact! Hard to starboard!
Simmons: Urghh, never mind!
Carolina: Hard right, Sarge, you got reinforcements from the northwest.
Grif: You're up, Donut... Think my... methshrooms are wearing off a bit... Nonono they're not!
Donut: Bombs away!
Blue: Please have mercy. I'm innocent!
Also, global warming is fake news, you cucks!
Blue: Gotcha! Ooh!
Who tied my shoelaces together?
Tucker: Good one, Caboose!
Caboose: I'm so sneaky. They don't even know what's happening.
You can't even see me right now, Tucker.
You're so confused.
Carolina: More coming in from the north. Sarge, circle back to regroup.
[Cellphone rings]
Dylan: Hello?
Duhansen: Where? Where did you get it? Tell me Dylan, where?!
Dylan: Dr. Duhansen? Slow down. What are you talking about?
Duhansen: The machine. Where did it come from? It's aliens, isn't it? It has to be.
Dylan: The machine? But you said it could never function.
Duhansen: I was wrong and now we're dead! We're all dead!
Dylan! The damn thing is fully fucking functional!
Cronut: Saddle up, Lorenzo, it's time to whack these dingleberries!
[Evil laughter]
Duhansen: We ran the plans through our simulators, okay? Damn computers froze.
It overheated, then it just works somehow. How? I don't know!
Dylan: But you said it needs, er, supernova power.
Duhansen: I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, Dylan, but the damn thing is a-
is a time machine.
It generates power by opening a wormhole to the past,
and using the energy imbalance between the two timelines
like a chrono-electric generator.
This thing, it's insane, what am I saying?
Dylan: A time machine?
You're fucking with me.
Duhansen: Oh my God. I wish- I wish that were true.
This is some Ark of the Covenant shit, Dylan. This is god magic.
Carolina: Tank! Coming in hard. Tucker!
Tucker: Copy. I'm on it. Grif! Can you distract the robot?
[Grif snoring]
Jax: Ooh! I'm on it, guys!
Carolina: Jax! No!
Jax: Hey! Italian robot!
Uhh, Fellini sucks!
Oh- oh, and uh, Dario Argento is a poser!
Jax: Ha! And, Sergio Leone, is uhh..
Overrated! A little, just a little!
Jax: And soccer is boring as fuck!
Sarge: Tucker, what in Sam Hell do you think you're doing?
Tucker: I'm taking down this tank!
Simmons: By punching it?
Tucker: Fuck yeah!
Carolina: That's not going to work.
Tucker: It's totally gonna work, you assholes!
I'm punching it right in the radiator!
Simmons: That's not how radiators work!
Tucker: Shut up and help me punch this fucking tank!
Dylan: Alright, Doc, let's cut to the chase.
What happens if someone uses this fucking time machine laser drill?
Duhansen: Well, say goodbye to that planet!
Setting aside the tsunamis, earthquakes, and mega volcanoes, the bigger problem is Newton.
Dylan: Care to elaborate?
Duhansen: Newton's Third Law!
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
The law of consequences! You can't steal energy from the past without the energy coming back to haunt you.
Dylan: Sounds bad.
Dunhansen: Quantum singularity bad! Black hole sucking up the planet bad!
Now, Dylan, I'd love to stay curious and chat forever,
But me and the guys need to run some tests on how fast we can get shit-faced wasted and passed out under our lab desks...
Before dying.
Dylan: Sounds like a plan, Doctor!
Thanks for the insight.
Simmons: Tucker, stop it.
Sarge: Don't listen to him. This is the best idea you've ever had!
Carolina: You're going to break your arm.
Tucker: No, I ain't! I'm gonna break this fucking tank!
Carolina: Tucker, please-
Tucker: Ahahaha, shit, yeah! Check me out. motherfuckers!
Tucker's got his groove back!
Carolina: That should not have worked.
Dylan: Fully functional, he said. Powered by an honest-to-gods time machine.
Simmons: But, time travel is impossible!
Tucker: How can you say that? We've traveled in time before.
Simmons: No, we didn't. We just thought we did. Don't you remember?
Tucker: Aw, shit. I think you might be right.
All that shit was so confusing.
Dylan: Regardless, if Temple switches on this damn thing, it's the apocalypse!
That's what matters right now.
Carolina: He wouldn't destroy the planet for... vengeance...
Dylan: He might not even know!
He might not be thinking about anything but revenge!
Simmons: Yeah, he might be an idiot.
Tucker: Well, he's definitely dangerous.
Come on, let's go.
Grif: Ughhhh, I'm gonna- I'm gonna need a minute, guys.
Simmons: I told you that taking all the meth methshrooms at once was a terrible idea.
Grif: Yeah, I'm gonna hurl. Oh no. [Gagging]
Simmons: [Sighs] I'll hold your head...
Tucker: Well, you've got 30 seconds. We still got work to do.
Before that psychopath turns on the time machine.
Dylan: Oh no.
We're too late.