Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘I was in the middle of a nightmare with no way to wake up.’
The Aftermath opens in space, with music ‘referencing’ Star Wars.
#Star Wars sounding music - could just be typical space music and Robin is over reaching on this, the choice is yours#
2 astronauts and stop motion animator Jim Danforth return from a year-long mission.
But no one is answering their signal, forcing them to crashland.
#Splash#
Danforth’s cameo is over so survivors Newman and Matthews seek help,
but… something happened while they were gone,
and all we can do is we wonder why this family came to the beach with canned goods and a machete,
while listening to Newman’s unnecessarily explanatory voiceover.
‘As I was beginning to leave I saw a small portable radio.’
I can see it too.
The astronauts reach a city.
The buildings in the distance look fine.
‘It had finally happened – the last great war in which mankind had obliterated itself.’
We were only gone a year.
Although I did wonder why all contact with earth stopped.
At a radio station, they learn more.
‘Of the major cities of the world, all have been completely or partially destroyed.’
See attached photos for the visual portion of this presentation.
They find a mansion to move into and Matthews gives us an insight into Newman.
‘No more taxes. no more government, you've given me this speech 100 times on how great it will be when all this crumbles’
We also get another cameo, from cult superfan Forrest J. Ackerman,
who explains things further.
‘Destroyed by atoms and germs – what irony’
The vagueness around what happened means there’s not much consistency in how people died;
some looking normal, others skeletal, and some clayface,
while many survivors have been attacked by make-up artists who,
I assume, needed images for their portfolio so wanted as much diversity as possible.
As per usual earth has given way to chaos…
violence…
a catastrophic bra shortage…
and Sid Haig.
‘We’re gonna take real good care of you.’
Haig’s Cutter is the bane of survivors, killing the men,
and capturing the women,
though Sarah here, escapes.
Back with Ackerman and we learn he’s dying,
'It will make my passing easier.'
like now.
‘Mr Newman came along just at the right time.’
Didn’t he.
And Newman adopts young Chris.
‘I felt we would become good friends’
Just super-creepy.
Newman also finds Sarah, but…
‘I have a girlfriend and her baby who are still there’
They plan a rescue.
'Here is where he keeps the women and children prisoner.'
'Cutter holds up here and the rest of his men are scattered all over the place.'
That’s a homemade laser gun by the way.
After the rescue they retreat to the mansion,
safe in the knowledge that Cutter doesn’t seem like someone who’ll come and kill all the women while Newman’s out.
A world full of empty houses and you stayed put after pissing off a maniac.
Although God knows he’s just as dumb.
‘I still say we should have stuck around and killed him too.’
What do you mean ‘I still say’?
You’re the boss.
'Will you please shut up this is serious.'
One of the issues with this movie is that it suggests an isolation that doesn’t exist,
like they have to stay in this one city.
Newman scavenges wine, a huge amount of weaponry,
combat fatigues and the high-waisted pyjama bottoms of a 70 year old man,
but doesn’t look for other survivors.
The whole thing is just about getting to the big vengeful killing spree.
Which is endless.
Just drive through the flaming cardboard boxes.
I don’t know where his ammo’s coming from but he does at least stop to reload,
don’t shoot while he’s reloading it’s not fair.
Matthews now puts aside their ill-defined enmity to help.
‘Why did you come’
‘I just did’
Well that’s quite the epitaph.
But Cutter is yet to get his and…
But…
At this point I’d say the message was that revenge destroys everyone,
but the kid has apparently been watching a different film to me.
‘As I began my walk down that road,
'I couldn’t have possibly realised at the time how right Newman had been in the way he lived.’
Two days later he was eaten by coyotes.
Here's the problem with this movie;
the filmmakers think we like Newman.
‘He’s one man, you get him.’
Yeah but he’s Newman!
He takes out the whole gang without getting a scratch,
builds a laser out of stone knives and bearskins,
the ladies love him,
and you’d definitely trust him to babysit your kids.
Every sympathetic character is killed so we have to invest in Newman,
who is presented as a combination of heartthrob, action hero and TV sitcom father
that no one could live up to least of all the personality vacuum occupying the role.
‘I don’t want to continue to live in a world where baby killers can walk around unpunished.’
Most amazing is that producer, editor, writer and director Steve Barkett
reshot the bulk of the film with a new cast because he was unhappy with performances,
and it’s hard to imagine anyone worse than.
Steve Barkett. I see what happened; you cast yourself.
‘It certainly won’t be my first mistake.’
No. But it is your worst.
'Newman, are you going to die?'
'I'm afriad so.'
Thanks for watching. For more post-apocalyptic movie reviews click here.
Newman’s scenes with young Chris are more disturbing than touching, what are the most accidentally creepy moments in film?
Let us know in the comments below.
'Newman!'