• Who bought a gravestone incriminating his wife before he even died?
Whose grave is literally just a recipe?
Here are 15 gravestones you won’t mind having a chuckle at.
It’s what they would have wanted.
15 – Robert Clay Allison • Robert Clay Allison was a gunfighter and
rancher whose tombstone makes the most Texas statement ever: “He never killed a man that
did not need killing.”
• That’s debatable, but this is probably a good time to mention that Allison was medically
discharged from the Confederate Army due to “maniacal” tendencies that may have stemmed
from a head injury in his childhood.
• That’s in addition to riding nude through the street and yanking a dentist’s tooth
out with a pair of pliers after finding out he’d drilled the wrong tooth.
The point is, it’s hard to say if we can trust Allison’s assessment of who needs
killing and who doesn’t.
14 – Merv Griffin • Famed TV personality Merv Griffin sent
countless game shows into commercial with the now-famous catchphrase: “We’ll be
right back after these messages.”
• With his final message, he poked a little fun at himself, and also let us know he wasn’t
planning to rise from the dead.
13 – Rodney Dangerfield • Rodney Dangerfield is a comedy legend
and notorious coke fiend, who literally took his self-deprecating humor with him to the
grave.
• Dangerfield’s whole comedy persona was basically about him being a total piece of
trash compared to the classy folks around him.
• So even in death Dangerfield was determined to bring property values down with him.
12 – Kay’s Fudge • Whoever Kay is, she really, really wanted
her fudge recipe to be handed down.
• The best part about this isn’t just the fact that apparently this fudge is really
good.
• It’s this little subtle touch.
You see that part at the end of the recipe that says “pour on marble slab?”
Now look again – what’s the tombstone made of?
11 – Good Deals • This one appears to have been used a couple
of different times.
• Some people apparently really want to be remembered for making both deals and puns.
• See, the joke is that he made a bad deal, and someone killed them.
It’s funny because they’re… dead?
10 – Herman Harband • This reads more like a police statement
than a tombstone, which is appropriate, because Herman Harband bought and installed it while
he was still alive.
• It’s hard to say whether Eleanor Arthur was the vicious harpy she’s made out to
be in this inscription, but this side of the story is pretty incriminating.
• After Harbrand actually died in 2011, he wasn’t even buried at that grave… and
his wife had the tombstone removed a few years later.
9 – Unknown Grave With Sage Advice • Think about it.
“I came here without being consulted, and I leave without my consent.”
• Yeah, that’s about right, random unmarked gravestone in Chattanooga.
• It’s not even funny, really.
It’s just a damn good quote.
• Time to go think about life for a while.
8 – Leslie Nielsen • Beloved comedy actor Leslie Nielsen has
two different monuments marking his death, both of which are quotes from his career.
• One is a simple footstone with a fart joke that also doubles as an epitaph: “Let
‘er rip.”
• The other is a bench with his advice for fellow actors: “Sit down whenever you can.”
• Leslie Nielsen never took himself too seriously.
7 – “I Told You I Was Sick” • This is among the more popular epitaph
quips you’ll find, and it’s one of the best.
You can’t get a much better “I told you so” than this.
• The “I told you I was sick” last laugh has international appeal now.
It even showed up on the grave of UK comedian Spike Milligan, who had it written on his
gravestone in Gaelic.
• He died of liver failure, so he was probably right.
6 – Chuck Mitchell, III • Straightforward and to the point.
Dying sucks.
5 – Lester Moore • Lester Moore isn’t a particularly notable
figure in and of himself.
He was a banker in Arizona who was shot during an argument about a package in the late 1880s,
because that’s how they solved problems back then.
• It’s hard to say whether this tombstone is actually memorializing him, or if they
just wanted to make a fun little poem at his expense.
It almost sounds like it’s bragging about killing him.
• It is pretty clever though.
And hey, now Lester Moore is remembered for something.
4 – Mel Blanc • The “Man of 1,000 voices” was the
original voice for basically every single Looney Toon, and a bunch of other early Warner
Brothers animations.
• Mel Blanc singlehandedly turned “That’s all folks” into an internationally-known
catchphrase that has spanned decades.
• There was basically no other option here.
Well played, sir.
3 – Jesse James • The story of Jesse James’ life and death
has been the subject of countless movies and History Channel specials.
• Here’s the short version.
Jesse James robbed a bunch of banks, and amassed a huge gang of vigilante outlaws.
• Then the government got involved, busted up the gang, and paid off two of his closest
friends to shoot him in the back of the head.
• His tombstone features an inscription by his mother, who was understandably upset
about the betrayal.
2 – George Johnson • You don’t see a lot of gravestones that
double as apologies for wrongful execution, but here’s one.
• The story of George Johnson is basically that he bought a horse in good faith, not
knowing that the horse had been stolen previously.
• The court didn’t buy his story, and he was hanged for the crime.
Shortly thereafter, he was exonerated of the crime, but it didn’t do him much good.
So they wrote this fun little apology, which is basically like the old West equivalent
of “soz lol.”
1 – Jack Lemmon • Some actors just never know when it’s
time to give up the leading role.
• At least he’ll be able to keep this one for a long, long time.
Okay then, which of these morbid jokes is the funniest to you?
Leave us a comment below, and we’ll pin our favorite to the top!