If you'll implement these 3 simple rules in your workplace, your
communication will improve dramatically.
Rule number 1, be present. Remember how back in elementary school,
the teacher would call roll and the teacher would call your name. And you
would say, "Present!" Present means here. And present means now. Here and now. When I
say be present consider both of those dimensions of being present. Have you
ever had a conversation with someone where they weren't really there? Not
really. Maybe they're there talking to you but they're looking at their phone
while they're having a conversation but they're not really
present, are they? They're not here. What about times when you've had a
conversation with someone and they're worried about something that's going to
happen in the future? You can tell that they're preoccupied with that idea. Or
they're feeling bad about something that happened in the past? Any preoccupation
with the past or the future takes you out of the now. Rule number 1 is be
present. Here and now. What would that look like in a communication with a
co-worker? They come to you. Maybe you're sitting at your desk or you're working
at a workstation. And the co-worker comes to you and asks you a question. What if
you were to put down what you're working on, turn to the co-worker. Get some eye
contact. Show them that you are here and now. Wow! That could be really powerful,
couldn't it? That's probably the best tip that I can
share with you. That's why I made it rule number 1. I've got 2 more rules for
you today that come from a communication model that starts with an understanding
that in every communication there is a sender and there is a receiver. The
sender is the one that originates the message or has the thing that they want
to communicate. The receiver, well they're the ones who receive it. That's why we
call them a receiver. For the sender to get the message across to the receiver
requires that the sender first encodes the message. Encoding is where you take
whatever's in your mind and you turn it into a code. English is the code that
I've chosen for this video. I'm trusting that you can decode that. But that's how
I'm encoding the message because I'm the sender in this particular example. Now,
once it's encoded, then it has to travel across some medium to get to the
receiver. Today, as I talked to you, I encoded in English and then it also gets
encoded digitally into a signal that's transmitted through YouTube and it has
to go through wires and it has to go through digital transfers to get you.
That's what I'm talking about. There's some kind of a medium in between. And
then it has to be decoded on this side before the receiver can actually get the
message. There's so many things that can go wrong in that process. I just wanted
you to be aware of it so that the next 2 rules will make sense. Rule number
2 is listen to understand. There's 2 important words in that. Listen which
incidentally has the same letters as the word silent. Hmm, interesting.
To understand, assume that you get to be the receiver. Take that position first. A
lot of times in communication, we want to get our point across, right?
The second rule for you to do positive communication with a co-worker is to
assume the receiver all first and you're going to listen to understand. Your goal
is not to agree. It's simply to understand so that the message that the
sender has matches the message that you receive. Listen to understand. Work toward
that end. So, we're not listening just to be quiet while we wait for our turn to
talk. We're not listening to dream up all kinds of rebuttals or refutes to what's
being said. That's not being present. Listening to understand is that you
simply want to make sure that the message you receive on the receiver end
is exactly the same as the message that was intended on the sender end. Listen to
understand. What if you're the sender of the message?
Well that's rule number 3. Rule number 3 is that you express to be
understood.
Notice the goal is exactly the same. Understanding. Understanding and agreeing
are not the same thing. This trips people up sometimes because they feel like, "Well,
if I understand people are going to think that I agree with them." Don't worry about
that. Simply work for the understanding on either side of that transaction. Rule
number 3 is all about expressed to be understood. Notice we're not
expressing to persuade, we're not expressing to convince, we're not
expressing to point out the flaws in someone else's thinking. OIur goal is
simply to be understood. When we achieve understanding, if both of us are working
on that, we have the greatest shot at it. If
you're the only one that's aware of these 3 rules, then start out as the
receiver. Assume that you're going to receive and listen to understand. Being
fully present, that was rule number 1. When it's appropriate, you can shift over
to the sender side. But I would suggest you don't do that and tell. You make sure
you've understood what somebody else is trying to share with you. When all
members of a team understand these 3 rules, the communication becomes very
powerful. Since we're applying today's video to work and coworkers,
you've probably thought of someone that you're working with it could really
benefit. Maybe try this. "Hey, Joe. I just saw this cool video that I think is
going to help us communicate better. Here's the link."