What to say when he pulls away or disappears? I'm Clayton Olson and this is Mark Rosenfeld.
Thank you for having me. Yes. Great having you. Pleasure. This is fun. Thanks for being
here. I'm really excited to have you on and talk about this topic. It's a really important
one because, I would say, that this is one of the most anxiety generating topics for
the women that I coach and work with – a guy pulls away, maybe they're interested in
them. It could happen in the beginning stages. It could happen where they've been dating
for a few months. Yes. Exactly. And so, I want you to dive in and give some real tactical
advice on how can a woman approached this verbally with a guy so that she feels like
she's honoring herself and that she's appropriately talking or communicating with the man in a
way that perhaps will lead to the best-case scenario? Yes. Nice. Nice. I'm gonna give
you an exact line to do that but before I do, I want you to make sure you know the general
concept. Clayton did a really good video on this where you talked about this concept of
innocent until proven guilty. I never heard it worded that way but that's the essential
concept it that you come at this with. And then you go down, it’s almost like a ranking
of ways that you present it. The first is playful. The second is calm and confident
and the third, if necessary and depending how long the relationship has gone on you
may not use the third, but the third is serious. You always start with playful innocent until
proven guilty. What's an example of something like that? What’s an example. You might
send a voice recording. I love voice recordings. I don't write. Texting – you can use a text.
Like, “Hey. Mister where you at? I've been missing your face and I’ve been missing
your vibe.” That's light. That's playful. But I'd often record something like, “Hey.
I've been missing hanging out with you. Where are you? Where are you? Text me like what
are you up to? Give me call. I'll speak with you soon.” And that would literally be the
voice message that I'd send to a woman if I was because I'm going innocent until proven
guilty. She's probably just busy. It probably has nothing to do with me. And then with that,
I've made my intent clear but it's also very light and it gives her “I want to respond.”
It's gonna make my intent obvious but it's also gonna make some nice, light and fun feelings
in her, and she's gonna go, “Oh. I associate them with Mark.” So, if it is just an innocent
till proven guilty thing, she's gonna get back to me. Yes. What I love about that too
is if I imagine myself on the receiving end of that, there's not a lot of gravity or weight
to it. I'm not thinking, “Oh wow. You're sitting over there, taking something personally
like you really don't know what's going on with me on my side. And so you're approaching
it obviously not holding anything against me but just being curious and relaxed.”
For you to be playful means that you're being relaxed which I love that. You’re in a relaxed
pace. Then you go to Calm/Confident. At this stage, if you haven't heard from the person
you kind of know something's up and like something's weird going on with you. And again, you could
probably text and you could say, “Hey. I've been getting kind of a funny vibe from you.
Hope all is well. Let me know if everything's okay.” Seeing that text, I’m even assuming
that something's happened to them or something's going on like “hope everything's okay,”
it's like the context again is innocent until proven guilty. What's going on with you? Something's
going on with you? I'm not saying it's all about me. If I was to voice message this or
call them which would be obviously in person's ideal. But for this example, if I was gonna
voice message, I'd say something like “Hey. I hope all is well. It would be really good
to chat to you soon so let me know what you've been up to - like I say I hope all was good
with you and hopefully I'll hear from you.” It's obvious. It's a little more… It’s
a little more weight the right way - and that weight is actually a sense of care. It’s
not a sense of “I'm making you guilty or you need to explain yourself to me,” there's
actually a little bit of concern over here because I do care. You are important. Exactly.
There's no “you sure?” It’s me staying where I'm at I'm hoping they match me there.
And the third is serious. It's pretty rare that you'd go too serious with a text. In
fact, I'd never go do it with a text and I probably wouldn't ever do it with a voice
message but serious is where you call someone up or sit down with them. And if I were to
give the example – this person has invested a lot. If I've gone too playful, they haven't
responded. If I've gone too calm/confident, they still haven’t responded. I'm still
getting weird vibes. At this stage, I don't want to have an established relationship to
keep going. Because for me to let go to level three is like “Alright. This person must
mean a lot to me.” That’s key. Yes. If they don’t respond to calm/confident, I’m
done at that point. But if this is someone I've been seeing you know three, four or five
months or beyond, I'm gonna want to suss this out maybe like I'll sit them down and be “Honestly,
I’ve been getting a weird vibes. What's going on with you? What's going on because
like you've got to do you and if you're not feeling it, I totally respect that. At the
same time, I'm wanting someone who wants to see me weekly or more. If that's not you,
cool. But you need to know where I'm at.” This is where I see most women fail. I would
not just say women, I'd say men too. This is where most human beings fall short is because
there's a certain vulnerability that it takes to be able to take things from calm/confident
and to serious because the level of care goes up. It's like, “Hey. I actually care about
you enough. I care about this connection enough for me to vulnerably ask what's going on.
Let you know how I'm feeling and then warn you about the fact that I might have to call
this quits,” which most people say… They don’t want to do. It might get to this and
you need to know that that you’re not at the end of my standards. Yes. It takes vulnerability.
It does take confidence and it takes allowing yourself to be transparent enough to show
that perhaps their actions are making an impact on you. And you're confident enough to actually
say that. That's powerful. Yes. That's huge. Now, that's basically that's the three ways
to do it. You start with playful, you go to calm confident and if the guy has earned it
then go to serious. I love that. I love that. It’s expertly spoken and if anybody that's
watching this channel wants to get in touch with you or let's just say they want to see
a little bit more about your philosophy, what do you have for them? Totally. I've got the
7 Secrets to Being the Woman of His Dreams. You can check that out. That was a free download.
Totally free, that I did with Hannah Hart. And if you want more practical advice like
this 7 Secrets to Master Modern Dating, I’ll give you both of those downloads so they should
be above or in the description below. Go grab them. They're totally free. They give you
in my philosophies and ideas and hopefully give you a really good insight. You know what
I’ll throw the texting guide as well. You’ll throw the texting guide? I didn't know you're
gonna do it. I just thought of that now, but the texting guide will show you… I think
it's good for this video. Because it shows you kind of some good light ways to frame
text and say I want to move forward, so 12 Texts to Make Him Yours, grab at least one
of those free downloads. Check it out. All of them below the description. Mark, thanks
for coming on, man. Thanks for having me brother. Pleasure. I’ll see you I Texas. Yes, thanks
for having me on here. Take care.