dear tai dear Sangha
my question is about healing and about
true love and for me it is very
difficult to say goodbye to people when
people come and go in my life and I've
been practicing being in touch with my
five-year-old self for some years and
recently when someone said goodbye to me
it was very difficult and and I
reflected on it afterwards and the voice
of my five-year-old self came up and
said something like I need to make my
mother happy so that she can take care
of me and if she's sad then that means I
can't make her happy and that means I
can't I can't love and I think when
people say goodbye to me but that's that
means that I can't I can't love them and
they're leaving because I haven't been
able to love them
and I know that I direct like I direct a
lot of my love outward and you know when
someone says you know I is like leaving
or something like that then I want to
give them more love to try to make them
stay I think because I'm afraid that
they're leaving and I think part of it
is I'm afraid that they'll be gone maybe
like if my mother weren't there when I
was when I was a baby and I'm also
afraid that maybe I'm I have some sort
of defect that means that my love is
ineffective
my love is ineffective I can't love the
people that that I want to love and that
is my question
how do how to heal this and be able to
you know it also so I can love freely
without trying to grasp on to people
when when they leave
there's a in every one of us there's a
wounded child and we need to take care
of that wounded child
to take care of this wounded child we
need to go inside ourselves need to be
present with ourselves instead of
putting our focus out there and
searching for for love or for acceptance
for recognition to fill up this hole in
here that's left by these big winds but
the window child in us I think we need
to come back and take care of this take
care of ourselves it's really it's
really love for herself that we're able
to come back and listen to herself
listen to the window child and only when
we can do that to herself
that we can heal this wounded child it's
only when we can come back and listen to
yourself and be there with ourselves and
take care of this wounded woundedness
that we can truly love ourselves and
only when you can do them that we can
love other people and this love that we
have for other people that is based on
this love for self it gives people space
and it giveth space it gives the people
the freedom and gives us the freedom to
gives freedom to go to come whenever
they feel like it and it gives us the
freedom to welcome people when they come
and then to let them go when they have
to go
I think we are here bringing to to heal
herself and to heal the woundedness
inside us and we've with offer concrete
practices to do that and it's a matter
of really embodying these concrete
practices you know like putting down to
practice these teachings in these
practices that we learned and also we
have the Sangha around us to support us
in that in that work of healing ourself
because everyone in the Sangha is really
doing that to to heal to heal herself so
I see Scott that you are very lucky then
you get to stay here longer than most of
the people here you know Scott is an
intern here that has been here for
several years now and has been a member
of our Sangha here for a long time and
so in that way you're very lucky because
you have the Sangha to practice with you
you have the Sangha to remind you to
practice and you have the tools to do it
and this is that this is the place and
this is the time take care of that
wounded child bring your attention in
instead of putting it out here what what
happened in the community is that for my
own personal experience is that there's
just so many people here you know I live
with 70 sisters and if I am the pro kind
of person that always put my attention
out here endless
I mean it's never stops there's just so
many interesting people here and more
people are coming all the time it's
going to train me if I always put my
attention here so I need to have a
balance by coming inside too and take
care of myself
listen to myself and so here in plum
village that I'm suing we are very busy
like during this retreat and you know
like this is our fourth week and
everyone is really you know like the
fatigue it's sinking in and and but
there are times when it's not so busy
and one of the things that you're doing
is working in the happy farm and
sometimes I go down there now really
envy you guys because you just Hotel you
you you work in with nature and you're
really interacting with Mother Earth and
you have a space around you in the
silence around you these are elements
for healing and if you can stop in here
so that you can allow these beauties to
come in and that's one way to help you
give yourself your the window child
inside yourself so
we can support one another in doing this
work and we have everything we need to
do it it's a matter of just go back and
we're reminded again and again by the
whole community go back go back to take
care of that wounded child and that's
love
it's enough for self I know so we love
for the people to thank you for your for
your question
Thank You CJ is just she add a little
bit before the brothers who live with
Scott how many's you you been here you
like part of plum village not like yeah
it's like yeah it's like the oak trees
going up around here now it would be
hard for us to say goodbye when you you
decide to move on to explore other
things as you say we do talk about you
the brothers and how much you have
transformed you look very beautiful you
your body has transformed I don't know
the brothers like is that Scott I don't
know you looked at the mirror lately but
you look very different when Scott first
came here it was a different shape
I have to say sorry put you on the spot
but you know he's been through a
beautiful transformation process
my brother Scott first came here he
really wanted us to accept him but we
told him you have to accept yourself
first and this is one beautiful
transformation he's come to that level
where he's accepted himself and you can
see it because your body changes when
your mind changes now it's not needy
anymore
Scott the energy is very very positive
your outlook and actually we see you
helping a lot of people see so you have
to retell a new story you're holding on
to an old story you're not just an only
child but you are your mother you see
now you're taking care of other people
like your mother would want you to you
see and people feel that connection all
the lay fans come here they all go
through either Scott mark honor you know
all these lay friends that live up here
they they take care of them like their
elder brother assistant and this is one
something that we want to express our
gratitude to you Scott for hanging on
with us when we decided you know we made
a hard decision on you and you said I'm
gonna stick it here you didn't leave you
see that is powerful see usually when
you get rejected by the monastic people
leave the law but you say I'm staying
I'm going for the long term program and
you know in the brothers like really you
know and then you stick around you're
like you're here more than some of the
books
I saw the way you are doing the monastic
life you train your mind you're
transforming yourself so the story you
told me is one story I could have told
it differently you are now your mother
and you're living your life for her she
is alive in you and your loving people
like your mother would love you you see
that's another story
so when you say goodbye to them it's
like your mother saying goodbye to their
teenage child to college have a good
life I'm so happy you've been here for
one week and you touch deeply see this
is another story right you said when you
say goodbye to let me say in my mind
when I say goodbye to people I send them
off like that I think wow thank you for
being with us please pass it on be our
fingers and go out there and help other
people touch love touches goodness touch
wholesomeness see so you have also the
energy of your mother inside not just
the child yes you are her child you are
your grandchild but you are so your
mother your grandmother your great-great
grandmother so you have to rely on these
sees them all in yourself you can feel
it in your hands your hands is your
mother's hand and everything you do from
now on you need to train to tell that
another story yes the story of the
wounded child is there but you have
another story to develop and make it a
beautiful story work on the happy farm
be in touch with the children that come
down there and you share with them look
you see when you do that you pick up a
potato for them do it with your mother's
hand so that's your new training okay so
you have to begin to every one of us
have a story and we get stuck with it
then you keep telling it tell different
angle of it
tell a story where you are your mother
tell a story when you are your father
tell a story that you are the planet
Earth
you're not just human you're the planet
Earth right now you working in a happy
farm need to train to be Mother Earth
and mother earth is the greatest mother
of all and every day you've been on your
knees doing stuff and you have to do it
for the mother energy this is the
healing energy that we all need and
you're offering it this is why you yeah
it's hard for you because people really
love you and they connect to you right
but as a practitioner you have to be see
that they are you
they are leaving and they are an
extension of you non-self so train this
requires training because we're so
attached to me the other you know but
you have to begin to Train like that
I mean imagine how many people we have
to say goodbye to every retreat every
redo did it you know so yeah this is how
we train so please take refuge and all
the mothers inside of you and look at
the people leaving as your mother's
child and I think we have the a lot of
confidence in you and I yeah I hope you
never leave and it would be hard for us
to say goodbye to you sorry is a little
attachment is okay
Thank You Scott or being a beautiful
person