You always hear atheists talk about the importance of coming out of the closet,
and telling people you're an atheist.
And I agree. It's a lot harder to demonize atheists when you know somebody who doesn't believe in a god.
And this is a strategy that has worked really well for the LGBT community.
Uh, I mean there is a reason marriage equality and LGBT rights are becoming less controversial.
Because when you know someone who's gay, and pretty much everyone these days knows someone who's gay,
you don't want to hurt them. It's a lot harder to demonize them.
But, there are times when I would advise atheists not to come out.
There are times when you're better off just keeping it under wraps.
1) Like if you are still living with your parents. Speaking from personal experience,
I didn't tell my parents I didn't believe in God until I was in college.
I knew they weren't going to flip out, I wasn't living at home anymore, so all that made it a lot easier.
But, if you think your parents might kick you out of the house, or cut you off financially,
then don't do it. You don't win a prize for coming out earlier than you really need to.
Why make your home life a disaster when you have to live there for years to come.
2) Don't come out as an atheist if it's gonna make your life worse in certain ways.
If you have to work closely with someone or for someone who's gonna hold your atheism against you,
don't tell them. If you're a pastor and you're not ready to go into a different line of work just yet,
don't do it. If you're married and your atheism might create a rift in your relationship,
ease your partner into that news. If you're dependent on your spouse's income, you definitely want to think twice.
I know atheism can sometimes feel like a secret that you no longer want to keep bottled up,
I get that, but at the same time you don't want to create any new problems for yourself.
This isn't about principle. It's about doing the practical thing. It's a courageous thing for people to come out
I get that, and I respect that. But, it's hard enough as it is.
Don't make it even worse for yourself if you don't have to.
3) Don't come out as an atheist if it's gonna sever ties with people you can't afford to lose in your life.
You may have friends who are devoutly religious and your friendship has nothing to do with your theological
views. You love having these people in your life. If you think your atheism will come between that,
I don't know that you need to bring it up. Again, I understand the principle of the thing.
I mean, are these really friends you want to keep around, are these friends worth having if they're gonna shun
you for your beliefs? No, I don't think so. But, that's a lot easier to say when you have several friends.
But, if you have only one or two people in your life who you're really close to and you really can't afford to
lose them, I understand if you just want to keep silent about it.
Same thing if your atheism might cause your grandparents to take you out of the will.
You know, if you're gonna lose your inheritance because of your atheism, I'm just saying
I understand if you don't tell people about it.
4) Don't come out as an atheist if it would make things super awkward for other people.
Specifically, I mean, like if you were writing a college admissions essay, it's not really the time to share
your coming out story because you don't know how it's gonna rub some of those admissions officers.
That's just not the time or place to tell people about your thoughts on god.
Suppose you're a doctor and you have a patient whose dying and wants to pray. That is not the time
for you to make your case for why god doesn't exist. Just be compassionate and make the patient happy.
If you're at a funeral, and everyone around you is very solemn and serious,
this is not the time for you to take a stand. Simply put, if the moment isn't about you,
you probably want to shut up.
5) Don't come out as an atheist if you live in the Middle East.
Seriously, just don't do it. It's not worth it. If you must, if you feel compelled to, do it anonymously.
And protect yourself doing whatever internet things you gotta do to make sure they can't trace it back to you.
Your safety is more important than the points you are trying to make.
Again, don't get me wrong, I want people to come out, I think we're all better off as more of us are willing
to share that we're atheists. But, don't be stupid about it. Do it when the benefits outweigh the consequences.
I'm not saying you should lie about your beliefs or be a hypocrit,
but you also don't want to become a public enemy along the way. Simple rule of thumb,
if you would be annoyed by a Christian telling you all about Jesus in the same situation,
then keep your atheism to yourself. Find a better time to come out.
What do you think? Am I wrong? When do you think you should keep quiet about your atheism?
And, have any of you ever come out during any of those instances I just named? Let us know.
My name is Hemant Mehta and I write at friendlyatheist.com.
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