sometimes we all say things
unfortunately that can make people judge
us negatively and in this video I want
to talk about things that make you come
across as lacking in confidence because
these phrases are arrogant as you may
know it's the most arrogant people who
are oftentimes the most insecure so I'm
gonna give you five phrases in this
video that will make you come across as
lacking in confidence and what you can
say instead to not come across that way
the first phrase is obviously also
related to obviously is oh that's not
hard to tell or I already knew that now
of course you can use these phrases in
other areas of your life but if you find
yourself saying this after someone has
told you something that they thought was
novel and interesting to you you are
essentially dismissing what they said
you're saying your perspective has
nothing new to add I already knew that
it was so obvious to me and I am so
smart for having known this before you
told me now what should you do in the
scenarios where someone is telling you
something that you already knew you put
yourself on the same path as them you
are two learners so you might say for
instance oh my gosh that's so
interesting I was just reading a book on
the same topic and it was saying a lot
of what you had to say or you know
what's funny I studied this in all
throughout my college and my senior
thesis had a fairly similar angle to
what you're saying this way you are not
putting yourself superior not saying you
know everything all the time you're
simply sharing when you learned the
information that they are sharing with
you and that way you're not going to
come across as thinking that you are
superior to them the second phrase is
one that you might say or hear when
giving advice and it's you should you
might hear you should lift weights like
this you should do this with your
business you should quit this job and it
can be particularly aggravating because
the phrase you should assumes that the
person saying it knows all the details
of your life knows your goals and knows
everything that you have tried to
achieve those goals in the past so if
you find yourself saying you should or
wanting to give advice what I recommend
is adding a qualifier and the best
qualifier there's lots boom you could
say from my perspective if I were you
that's then that was a little bit iffy
but generally speaking you want to just
add the word if so what you might do is
say you know what if your body is
similar to mine you should
check out this particular kind of
workout or this trainer or you might say
you know what if you're looking for a
place to get more traffic for your
business I've found this one to be
particularly useful you're not setting
yourself up as some all-knowing person
but you're saying in relation to this
goal this is one way that you might
achieve it and it comes across as much
less arrogant the third phrase is
probably my least favorite one on this
entire list and it is the word real it's
when people say a real man would do this
a real woman would do this a real
American would do this or real music
sounds like X if you find yourself
saying this you are probably alienating
far more people than you know on the one
hand yes it can be very persuasive to
people who want to fit in but at the
same time it is so grating because you
are setting up your perspective as the
one valid one and everything else of
course is not real therefore it's not
legitimate so if you find yourself
saying the word real consider cutting it
out of your vocabulary at least in this
particular context the fourth thing
heard a lot of this because I'm doing
breakdowns on debates I was looking at
the jordan peterson sam harris and ben
shapiro stuff which may come up soon in
our break downs but one thing that I see
is the phrase no but after someone else
has made a point and what a lot of
people don't realize is even the most
intellectual among us want to be
emotionally validated when they're
having a discussion and when you hear
something and you disagree with it and
your first two words are no but you are
saying I have negated everything that
you just said and it can feel personally
almost like an attack because oftentimes
we're very identified with the positions
that we hold so when you're in a
situation where you do hardcore disagree
with what someone has said find a way
first to validate something or at least
to rephrase what they have said and I
got this from the book never split the
difference by Chris boss he's an FBI
negotiator really really interesting but
the phrase that he talks about even if
you completely disagree with what
they've said is it seems or it sounds
like and you just say you know what it
seems like what you're trying to do and
you reiterate their argument or it
sounds like what you're saying and you
reiterate it they will oftentimes
correct you mildly or just say yes and
from there you can move on so if
somebody's telling at you that you
haven't
the dishes you could say you know what
it seems like you're upset because I
said that I was gonna do these and
obviously the dishes haven't gotten done
yet and they go yes exactly you're
getting it you know okay I did not
realize that I was going to have so much
work tonight when I had said that I
still have a lot to do now would it be
all right if I got to it tomorrow
morning that is going to be much more
effective if you have validated their
concerns first with the phrase it sounds
like or it seems so add that to your
arsenal the fifth thing is one thing I
found I was researching arrogant
celebrities in an attempt to find would
really defined it for this video and one
that came up was I don't mean to pick on
her but Gwyneth Paltrow and the phrase
that really had upset people about her
was when she was comparing her job to
working mothers and she said that
working on set as an actress is more
difficult than having a nine-to-five
office job no comment on whether or not
that is true I've never been a mom of
any kind so I don't know but this is a
very very common human fallacy we assume
that our lives are much more difficult
than someone else because we struggle to
imagine the difficulties that other
people have in fact most people hide
them so well so if you find yourself
saying that your major is more difficult
or more rigorous or that your job is
more challenging or that being a mom or
a dad stay at home work whatever it is
is more challenging than someone else's
life pause because you are about to come
across just about as arrogant as you
ever have in your life first off a
mindset recognize that you do not
understand the challenges that other
people face so you can't say with
certainty what is or isn't harder but if
you do want to make these sorts of
comparisons I recommend doing it within
your own life and only the situations
that you have actually lived so if
you've been a doctor and an accountant
you might say I've found that being an
accountant is harder than being a doctor
or vice versa but if it's something that
you can sense the other person you know
they're a doctor and they're gonna go
wait a second you can add to that that's
my experience and of course everybody
else is going to find it different one
of the most insulting things you can say
to someone is that they haven't had
struggle because they know that they
have so be careful of this one those are
the five phrases for this video if you
guys like this we have other phrases I
know a lot of people like to know this
cific things that make them come across
in particular ways in addition to this
you would want to check out the guide
that I mentioned from Chris Voss which
has never split the difference and you
can do so today for free courtesy of our
sponsor for this video
audible if you go to audible.com slash
charisma or Tex charisma to five hundred
five hundred you can get a free
audiobook with your 30 day trial of
audible and I found this to be very very
useful if you're the type of person who
has to commute every day who has a lot
of chores to do in the house and want
something to listen to or who is maybe
taking a hike or a long walk and still
wants to learn during that time period
now this book is going to be very very
interesting for those of you who have
found these phrases useful because it's
from an FBI negotiator right this is
someone who had to get people out of
hostage situations without having this
person who was on the edge flip so he
can use it in those situations you can
absolutely use it in your own life and
if you want to check it out for free
just go to audible.com slash charisma or
text charisma to five hundred five
hundred to start your 30-day trial I
hope you guys have enjoyed this video I
look forward to seeing you in the next
one of course if you have any comments
go ahead write them the Royal bull ro
made it so far without a stutter but
here we go
take care guys I'll see you in the next
one
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you
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