SORRY!
BRIAN! SLOW DOWN IN THE HALLWAY!
CAN'T, KI! GOTTA HUSTLE!
GOT A TELEGRAM FROM MY MOM.
BRIAN! WHAT'S THE HURRY?
MEETIN' MY MOM AT THE BUS STOP.
WE STILL ON FOR THAT THING TODAY?
YEP. DEFINITELY.
HEY, BRIAN, YOU STILL UP FOR THAT THING LATER?
OH, CRAP, THAT THING THAT WAS TODAY?
I'VE GOT ANOTHER THING WITH JENNY.
IT'S, UH, FPS STUFF.
OH.
I'LL DE-WAX THE BOOGIE BOARDS.
AWESOME. WE'LL HANG OUT TOMORROW, ALL RIGHT?
( nervous muttering )
ALL RIGHT.
MY MOM'S COMING TO VISIT, AND I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HER SINCE I LEFT FOR VGHS.
SOUNDS BORING.
WELL, IT'S NOT.
( cat meows )
CHEETO?
DUDE! YOUR MOM'S A CAT!
YOUR MOM'S A CAT!
( alarm rings )
PRACTICE. TIME FOR PRACTICE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE PRACTICING,
BUT IF YOU NEED MORE TIME TO REVIEW...
AHHH! ( chuckles )
BUT SERIOUSLY, I'M GONNA GO NOW,
AND THEN IN TWO AND A HALF MINUTES, YOU CAN--
YOU'RE KIND OF FREAKIN' OUT ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YOU?
FREAKING OUT? I'M NOT FREAKING OUT. YOU'RE FREAKING--
( alarm rings )
SORRY. SAVES THE ALARM.
OKAY, I'M FREAKING OUT.
DUDE, CHILL. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. I'M JUST...
YOUR MOM CAN'T FIND OUT ABOUT US.
I MEAN, NOBODY CAN FIND OUT ABOUT US,
AND THIS IS FOR REAL NOW.
I'M JUST-- I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA BLOW IT.
BRIAN, DISARM THE BOMB. IT'S GONNA BLOW.
ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRIAN?
YOU SUCK!
CAN'T DISARM A BOMB. I CAN DISARM A BOMB.
I CAN DISARM TWO BOMBS.
SORRY, GUYS.
MY BAD.
BOMB DISARMS ARE NEWB 101.
ANY PRO SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT BLINDFOLDED.
COACH, I-I SWEAR I CAN NORMALLY DO THIS.
( class bell rings )
ON THAT UPLIFTING NOTE, THAT'S PRACTICE.
EVERYONE'S DISMISSED.
JENNY, STICK AROUND.
SO, ABOUT BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK HE'S STILL IN THE ROOM, MOM.
NOT FOR LONG. I--
( objects clatter )
( chuckles ) SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA.
( door opens, closes )
WELL, THAT WAS AWKWARD.
I WANT TO BENCH BRIAN TOMORROW.
OKAY.
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME?
YOU'RE MY CAPTAIN. I WANT TO HEAR YOUR OPINION.
WELL, HE'S ONE OF THE STRONGEST PLAYERS IN OUR TEAM.
I WOULDN'T BENCH HIM JUST BECAUSE HE
COULDN'T DISARM ONE STUPID BOMB.
GUYS LIKE BRIAN ARE ALL TALENT AND NO DISCIPLINE.
IT SHOWS UP IN STUFF LIKE THIS.
ONE STUPID BOMB COULD MAKE US LOSE THE GAME TOMORROW.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
YEAH. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT: YOU MAKE THE CALL.
BENCH HIM OR NOT. JUST LET ME KNOW BY GAME TIME.
WENDELL. RULE NUMBER FIVE. NO SODAS IN THE HALLWAY.
D'UH.
SORRY.
WENDELL!
NO THROWING TRASH IN THE HALLWAYS.
RULE NUMBER 38.
D'OH! I-- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
UNFORTUNATELY, I CAUGHT YOU WITH SILLY STRING EARLIER.
THAT'S THREE INFRACTIONS.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
BATHROOM DUTY?
I'M SORRY, BUT RULES ARE RULES.
D'OOH!
( comical groaning )
NUMBER ONE R.A.
SNAPS, KI.
REALLY. SNAPS.
THOUGH I THINK NUMBER TWO WOULD BE MORE APPROPRIATE!
- OH, MY GOSH. - SCOOPED THIS OFF YOUR FLOOR A COUPLE MINUTES AGO.
THIS ISN'T JUST SOME NORMAL POOP
LIKE ONE OF THE STUDENTS MIGHT LEAVE. OH, NO.
THIS CAME FROM AN ANIMAL.
IN FACT, I'M WILLING TO BET IT CAME FROM A...
( laughing )
WHOO!
( laughter )
( taunting )
POOPIE MAN SHANE! POOPIE MAN SHANE!
( continuing )
WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?
UGH.
NO PETS ALLOWED, KI.
SO WHEN I FIND THAT CAT, YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO NUMBER ONE,
'CAUSE SHE'S COMING OVER TO MY PLACE.
WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER, ME AND ONE.
BIG STEP FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP.
MY FRIENDS SAY I'M ONE-WHIPPED, BUT I DON'T CARE,
'CAUSE I'M READY TO COMMIT.
BECAUSE I...
LOVE...
NUMBER ONE.
30-FOOT RANGE.
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU, TED?
GOD! I'VE BEEN HOLDING THIS TRACK FOR HOURS.
WHEN DO I GET THE TOY CAR?
THIS IS NOT A TOY, TED.
THIS IS A CUSTOM OVERDRIFT USB SUPERCAR.
WHAT? I WANT ONE EVEN MORE NOW.
D.K., WHEN DO I GET ONE?
THEODORE, YOU'VE BEEN A DRIFTER FOR NARY A FORTMONTH.
EARNING A SUPERCAR IS NO SMALL CHALLENGE.
IT'S ONLY FOR SUPER SERIOUS RACERS.
SERIOUS?
I STOLE SODA FOR YOU GUYS. I BEAT THE DUCHESS.
AND I BUILT THIS BOSS TRACK.
AND ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE ONE, AND I WANT ONE. NOW.
VERY WELL, CHILD.
IF YOU WILL NOT HEED MY WARNING,
GO GRAB A BOOK FROM THE BOOKSHELF.
( all gasping )
( whispering ) OH, MY GOD.
( mechanism whirring )
I KNOW YOU MISSED ME BECAUSE I MISSED YOU TOO, BUDDY.
BUT DAD'S GOTTA GO NOW TO PRACTICE HIS STUPID MINIGAME,
A MINIGAME THAT IF HE MESSES UP, WILL RUIN OUR ENTIRE SEASON.
( growling )
HEARD THAT.
I MISSED THIS.
ALL RIGHT. WISH ME LUCK.
BRIAN, HAVE YOU SEEN A--
THAT. IS A CAT.
YOU HAVE A CAT IN YOUR ROOM.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S CHEETO, MY BEST BUD FROM HOME.
CHEETO, THIS IS KI. SHE'S AWESOME.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, I GOTTA GO.
YOU TWO HAVE FUN.
GOTTA PRACTICE.
UH...
BRIAN.
RULE NUMBER 35.
ARE THE CAT THAT'S BEEN POOPING ON MY FLOOR?
( wet thud )
WHEW. YES, YOU ARE.
BEHOLD OVERDRIFT PURGATORIO.
DESIGNED BY THE ZEN DRIFTING MONKS
OF THE HOKKAIDO REGION,
IT REMAINS THE MOST EXTREME OVERDRIFT GAME EVER CONCEIVED.
SHOULD A PLAYER BE BRAVE ENOUGH,
SKILLED ENOUGH,
CRAZY ENOUGH
TO TAME ONE OF THE WILD SUPERCARS WITHIN,
PURGATORIO SHALL GRANT HIM A JEWEL
FIT FOR A KING!
ALAS...
IN THEIR MAD DREAMS TO CONSTRUCT THE ULTIMATE RACER,
THE DRIFT MONKS INSTALLED A FEATURE WAY TOO HARDCORE
FOR THE CASUAL GAMER.
YOU SEE, WHEN YOU ENTER PURGATORIO,
YOU CANNOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU WIN.
THEY SAY ONE KID GOT TRAPPED IN THERE FOR THREE DAYS.
I HEARD ANOTHER KID PEED HIS PANTS.
I HEARD A KID DIED.
ALL THOSE LEGENDS ARE BOTH TRUE AND UNTRUE,
EXCEPT FOR THE ONE WHERE THE KID DIED.
THAT'S WHY THEY BANNED THE GAME
AND PURGATORIO VANISHED INTO ANTIQUITY,
UNTIL I FOUND A COPY... ON EBAY.
SO, THEODORE, NOW THAT YOU'VE HEARD THE TALE,
I HAVE ONLY ONE QUESTION:
( car alarm chirps )
( whooshing sound )
DID YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM FIRST?
I. CAN. HOLD IT.
WE SHALL SEE, TED.
WE SHALL SEE.
( keys clacking )
( sighs )
COME ON, YOU'VE DONE THIS A THOUSAND TIMES.
( idle noises )
AH. HI, BUDDY!
ALL RIGHT. NO MORE SCREWING AROUND.
GAH!
( cellphone buzzes )
( sighs ) I CAN DO THIS.
( engine roars )
( tires squeal )
DANG IT!
HE'S BEEN IN THERE FOR HOURS, D.K.
HE'S NOT READY FOR THIS.
WERE YOU READY, TRIXI? WERE ANY OF US?
CRAP, I'VE REALLY GOTTA PEE.
( horn honking )
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
NO. IT CAN'T BE.
( whispering ) I THOUGHT THEY PATCHED HER OUT.
PATCHED HER OUT?
THAT CAR'S NO BUG, CHILD.
THEN WHAT IS SHE?
A CRUEL JOKE PROGRAMMED BY THE MONKS
AT THE HEIGHT OF THEIR MADNESS.
LET HER PASS, TED.
HEED NOT HER SIREN'S CALL.
SWEET STRIPES.
NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING PAST ME WITHOUT A RACE, BUDDY.
( blows whistle )
NOW POOP.
GOOD BOY.
HELLO, UM, DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THE GIRLS' BATHROOM TOO,
OR JUST...
HO, IS... IS THAT A CAT?
YES, UH, YES IT IS... A CAT.
WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A CAT? YOU'RE BREAKING, UH, RULE... YOU'RE BREAKING RULE 35.
WELL, YOU SEE, THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY TRUE.
I AM THE R.A., AND I JUST TRAINED...
UH-UH. NO, NO. 'CAUSE YOU--
YOU SAID RULES ARE RULES.
THAT'S WHAT YOU-- THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.
- YOU SAID RULES ARE RULES. - WENDELL, CONTROL YOUR BREATHING.
NO, NO! YOU'RE BREAKING THE RULES, KI.
I'M NOT--
I'M NOT GONNA LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU SAY ANYMORE, OKAY?
OH, MY GOD.
EVERYONE! EVERYONE!
WENDELL!
EVERYONE! EVERYONE! EVERYONE!
KI IS HOUSING A CAT. SHE'S BREAKING THE RULES!
EVERYBODY BACK INSIDE.
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
WENDELL, CAN I SEE YOU IN TED'S--?
THEY'RE JUST A LIE. NOTHING IS REAL.
ALL AUTHORITY-- AUTHORITY IS FINISHED!
SILLY STRING!
( rapturous screaming )
Ki: OH, MY--! NO! NO!
OH, NO!
( rapid pinging )
( pinging sound )
( distorted audio )
( pinging sound )
( distorted audio )
Jenny: BRIAN!
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
ALL FRESHED UP?
YEAH, YEAH, GOOD TO GO.
GOOD. WELL, IN THAT CASE, WANNA GO?
UH...
YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I THINK I MAY JUST STAY
AND PRACTICE A LITTLE MORE.
REALLY? YOU'RE GOOD, THOUGH, RIGHT?
LIKE, FOR TOMORROW, YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE BOMB THING DOWN?
YEAH, YEAH. NO. ALL THE WAY DOWN.
'CAUSE BRIAN, IF YOU DON'T, I REALLY NEED TO KNOW THAT.
NO, NO, NO. JENNY, YEAH, I, UH...
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR, LIKE, HOURS,
SO, WHY DON'T WE GO GRAB A BITE TO EAT?
SEE YOU IN THE CLOSET IN FIVE.
OKAY.
OH, NO, NOT AGAIN!
( horn honking )
YEAH!
WELL, GIRL, YOU ARE PRETTY CRAZY.
BUT I LIKE THAT.
I AM GONNA CALL YOU...
HELLENOR.
- ( Hellenor toots horn ) - WHAT?
YOU'RE MY CAR NOW!
HELLENOR, COME BACK!
WHAT--?
( sighing )
COME ON, D.K. WE'LL PRY HIM OUT IN THE MORNING.
( Cheeto purring )
ATTENTION, FRAG FLOOR RESIDENTS:
RULES ARE RULES. THAT MEANS NO PETS.
( cat mews )
NO SILLY STRING.
NO SODAS IN THE HALLS,
NO UNSANCTIONED PIZZA PARTIES.
NOW, CLEAN UP!
( vacuum cleaner whirrs )
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
CHEETO?
CHEETO? CHEETO?
( easy listening music playing )
TO...
EXPLOSIVE CHEMISTRY.
( glass shatters )
I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T DISARM A BOMB.
WHAT? YOU SAID THAT YOU COULD.
I LIED. I'M SORRY.
I TOLD MY MOM THAT YOU COULD DO IT. SHE WANTED TO BENCH YOU.
- WELL, I CAN'T. SHE PROBABLY SHOULD. - NO, NO, NO. IT'S FINE.
YOU'LL JUST DO YOUR BRIAN THING, AND IT'LL ALL--
NO, JENNY, I CAN'T DO IT.
I COULDN'T DO IT ALL AFTERNOON.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, I JUST-- I CAN'T.
WELL, THAT SUCKS.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUT SOMEBODY ELSE IN.
LOOK, JUST... NEXT TIME DON'T LIE TO ME ABOUT IT, OKAY?
I WON'T. I PROMISE.
ALL RIGHT.
I SHOULD GO.
THANKS.
OKAY.
THIRTY-SECOND TIME'S THE CHARM.
( engine revs )
EASY, GIRL.
EASY.
NO!
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
( toots horn )
YOU WANT TO RACE AGAIN?
WELL, FORGET IT.
I HATE YOU.
YOU'RE A STUPID, CHEATING BUTT,
AND I HOPE YOU CRASH, YOU PIECE OF JUNK.
YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID. GO AWAY!
( dejected-sounding toot of horn )
( Ted sighs )
( footsteps approach )
( softly ) CHEETO?
CHEETO!
( cat meowing )
CHEETO!
HI.
I'M SORRY I THREW YOU OUT THERE EARLIER.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
I DID MEAN TO, BUT...
LET'S GET YOU HOME TO BRIAN.
MAN, CATS ARE REALLY EASY TO GRAB, AM I RIGHT?
ESPECIALLY THE DUMB ONES.
WELL, IT'S TIME TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE.
SHANE, PLEASE. THAT'S BRIAN'S CAT.
YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN. I'M SURE WE CAN WORK THIS OUT.
SORRY, KIWI. RULES ARE RULES.
( indistinct cry )
AAAHHH!
( toot toot )
( pinging sound )
( horns honking )
THOSE GUYS BEING MEAN TO YOU BACK THERE?
( engine purrs )
THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S BETTER.
( engine starts )
LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO RACE?
I'M GONNA BE STUCK HERE FOR A WHILE, SO...
( engine revs and horn toots )
OKAY, HEY, NO FAIR STARTING WITHOUT ME. WHOA, WHAT--? HEY!
( distant automatic gunfire )
( cheers and applause )
( cheers and applause continue )
- I'M EMPTY. - HERE.
( automatic gunfire )
OKAY, ON THREE.
OKAY, YEAH, I GET IT.
( jeers and groans )
( gunfire )
( cheering )
( jeers and groans )
HEADS UP. IT'S THE FINAL ROUND.
VGHS HAS ONE LAST CHANCE TO DISARM THE BOMB
AND WIN THE GAME.
GAMES, DON'T CHARGE THE BOMB.
- SORRY, COACH. - I DON'T NEED SORRY.
I NEED YOU TO GET IT TOGETHER.
THIS IS THE FINAL ROUND, GUYS.
THEY ARE ADAPTING AND NAILING US TO THE WALL.
I NEED TO THROW THEM A CURVE BALL.
PUT IN BRIAN.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, COACH,
BRIAN WILL CRUSH THIS.
I KNOW HE MAY BE UNDISCIPLINED,
BUT WHEN YOU NEED HIM,
HE STEPS UP TO THE PLATE.
TRUST ME.
PUT HIM IN.
COACH, WITH EVEN MORE DUE RESPECT,
YEAH, THE DEANSTER MAY HAVE FAILED TO COVER JENNY,
BUT WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE DEANSTER GETS--
OUT. DEAN, YOU'RE OUT.
BRIAN'S IN.
HEY.
I GET IT.
YOU JUST WANNA PLAY.
OKAY, THEN, LET'S PLAY.
( distant gunfire )
( automatic gunfire )
JACKS, MOVE!
HA HA!
AAH!
( meowing )
( audibly struggling )
( purring )
Ki: OHH!
LAW, TURN IT AROUND!
NO CAN DO. IT'S OUT OF RANGE.
ALSO, WHO'S THIS LAW FELLER Y'ALL TALKIN' ABOUT?
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT GOES OUT OF RANGE, LAW?
IT GOES HOME.
I'M NOT LAW!
( cheers and applause )
Students: VGHS! VGHS! VGHS!
( distant automatic gunfire )
( distant gunfire )
( cheers and applause )
WELL, IT'S JUST YOU AND ME NOW, JACKS.
Female Voice: BOMB ARMED.
OKAY. I'M GONNA GO STAND UP NOW, DISARM THE BOMB.
IDIOT.
YES! GREAT RACE!
( pulsing sound )
REALLY? THINK I'M GONNA FALL FOR THAT AGAIN?
( horn toots )
( engine revs )
- ( pinging sound ) - YES!
OHH, SH--!
( cheers and applause )
( pinging sound; clock ticking )
( pinging sound )
( distorted audio )
( collective gasp )
( pinging sound; ticking clock )
MEOW.
( cheers and applause )
( meowing )
Boy: WAY TO GO, BRIAN!
AND THAT'S HOW I GOT CHEETO TO BECOME THE SCHOOL MASCOT.
THANKS AGAIN, KI.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY, TED?
WELL, IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
PSYCH! IT WAS AWESOME!
OKAY, FIRST I WOKE UP. NO, WAIT, GO BACK.
FIRST I WAS ASLEEP, AND THEN I WOKE UP,
AND THEN I WENT TO PURGATORIO!
FOR 84 HOURS STRAIGHT.
WHAT'S THAT?
DUDE, IT IS ONLY THE SICKEST, RADDEST, MOST--
( whirring sound )
HE'S ON TO ME.
BETTER CALL.
WHAT?
The Law: ( muffled ) BETTER CALL WHO?
OH, GOD. OH, OKAY.
SORRY, MAN, I'LL LET YOU GET BACK TO THAT.
NO PROBLEM. BY THE WAY, IT'S "BETTER CALL WHOM?"
OH, SWEET, THANKS!
( approaching footsteps )
BETTER CALL WHOM?
HE WAS WRONG. IT'S "BETTER CALL WHO?"
I KNEW IT!
NO, NO! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY!