-I've missed you guys. -We've missed you, too.
I've missed you, missed you, missed you.
-We missed you and we missed "30 Rock."
Yo. It's great to be back. -All these people, yeah.
-It's our first time being back since COVID.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Thanks for -- -We missed all of you guys.
Everybody. -The Roots!
-The Roots! -The legendary Roots band!
-What has changed? What did I miss out on?
What's -- Are you different?
-I'm fatter. -No, you're not.
No you're not. -he's Rubenesque. Rubenesque.
-I'm zaftig. -Desus, I saw some picture
of you... -Yeah?
-...eating fermented shark.
-In Iceland? Yes. -In Iceland.
You've changed, buddy. -I have.
I have. I have.
Not for the best -- I've sold out.
But no, a little fermented shark in Iceland, as we do.
As we do. -What did it taste like?
-It tasted like if you get a Filet-O-Fish
and you go onto an MTA a subway car,
and you get everyone in the train to chew it a little
and then pass it to the next person,
and then at the end of it, you eat it.
Not the same.
[ Laughter ]
-So you didn't like it. Okay. [ Laughs ]
-It's an acquired taste. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Mero, you were --
I follow you both on socials, by the way,
and you're very great.
They're good follows. -Plug, plug.
-Good follows.
Desus, you did this thing -- you compared what Golden Girls,
what sneakers they would wear.
What Jordans they would wear.
-What pair of Jordans they would be.
What pair of Jordans properly manifests
each specific Golden Girl.
[ Laughter ]
Dorothy, Blanche, Rose.
-But what made you think of that?
-Well... -Marijuana!
[ Laughter ]
-Marijuana! -[ Laughs ]
-If you look at the time stamp, it's 12:13 in the morning.
-Okay, alright, this is all making sense.
-Clearly a little thing called insomnia.
Okay, here we got the Dorothy looking debonair.
Yeah. -Hey -- it sells itself.
Hey, hey. Picture it back in St. Olaf.
-Look at that, come on. -Rose right there.
-I mean, this is -- it went crazy viral.
-It went crazy, and you know what?
I put a lot of effort into it and probably effort I could have
put into other parts of my life.
-You should be proud of that. It's good stuff.
When I follow you, I want to say you have a lot of --
you have all caps. -Yes.
-Are you yelling? Why? -No, no, no, no.
I'm a very gentle guy, as you know.
You are a gentleman. -You know what I'm saying?
-I'm a cuddly teddy bear. -You're a father.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-But, you know, it's like, you know, I want people
to see what I'm saying.
So, like, if you type in all caps
and you just scrolling through Twitter or wherever,
it's just like, "Boom! Yo, hey!"
You know what I mean? But I'm not yelling.
-No. -You know what I'm saying?
-You're just like -- -It's just like, "Hey!"
Hey, it's an -- the yell is initial.
It's just to get your attention, and then I draw you in.
-Oh, to see how gentle you are.
-But you're like, "Hey!" -"Hey! Come here!"
[ Both shouting ]
-Give me a hug! -Come see how gentle I am!
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, I love you!
-I want to snuggle! Yeah, OK, perfect.
-I want to be the big spoon.
[ Laughter ]
-I want to look at what other jobs you had
before your great show,
your talk show, and you used to work Ann Taylor Loft?
-Yes. Yes, I did.
Yes, I did. -Talk to me, please.
-So, you know, I started out working in the stockroom
and, you know, somebody was hurt one day
and then they put me on the floor with gold grills
and straight back cornrows.
And then I would help lovely women find pencil skirts
in the sales section. You know what I mean?
This guy. -How were you?
-Well, I was a great salesman.
Yeah, you're good, right? -I was like, "Hey!"
[ Laughter ] -Come here!
-You look great in the pencil skirt!
-Yeah, you look great in the pencil skirt!
This goes great with this blouse!
It's silk!
-I love him, but he's aggressive.
-Let's talk about season 4 of the show.
Man, I mean, look at you now.
You're getting Denzel Washington to come on the show.
And just how is Denzel?
-He's -- Yo, he's -- -That's cool. He's like --
-Just like -- it was like talking to just a cool uncle
who has a lot of money.
-Yeah, he's like the cool uncle at Thanksgiving
that knows you're high, but he doesn't tell
anybody else. -No, right, right.
-You know what I'm saying? - And he loved it
because it wasn't, like, your usual interview.
where they're like, "Denzel, what are you working with?"
We're like, "Denzel, tell us about some terrible stories
when you were a teenager." -Yeah.
-And he enjoyed telling them. -And he got into it.
-He got into it. -Great, yeah.
I wanted to get your take because you always have
very good opinions on certain things.
I just wanted to know if we can get your take.
-Go. -Desus and Mero
on a couple of things. Here we go.
Eating a dollar slice with a fork and knife. Thoughts?
-Ooh. Oof. -Ooh.
-Listen -- -That's a sign you're down bad.
-Yeah, yeah. -Things aren't going well
in your life. -They're not going well
in your life. You may have just been released from rehab.
-Or you might have just -- or you might have just been mayor.
So, you know, you've got to figure out.
-He did do that, right? -He did do that.
-Okay, man-spreading on the subway --
do you say something?
-If you smell anything, then absolutely.
Yes. You must say like, "Yo, please, sir,
you're making sauce in your denim.
Please close your legs."
-Okay. -You know what I'm saying?
-OK, I would say something,
but there's a lot of stabbings going on on the subway.
So I mind my business.
-You're going to mind your business. All right.
Upstreaming someone for a cab while you're on the same block.
-Oh. -Oh!
-See, that doesn't really apply to us
because we're from the Bronx.
So when we get cabs, they're like, "The Bronx is closed."
-Yeah. It's like, "Oh, hey.
"Oh, it's dark now. We can go to the Bronx. Sorry."
-Ooh, 5:45, ooh, they closed the gate in the Bronx.
[ Laughter ]
We have to take -- -They don't. They don't.
They're calling it like, "Hey, Fat Joe said it's closed."
[ Laughter ]
-What about suddenly switching from being a New York Knicks fan
to becoming a Brooklyn Nets fan?
-Does that happen?
-Just saying. -Did somebody do that?
Did you do that? -Jimmy, are you lying to us?
-No, I would never do that. -Like, who does that?
-People are thinking about doing it because --
-Jimmy! Don't do that, Jimmy!
-No, no, I won't do it. -OK.
-You mean to tell me there's people who have
the unmitigated audacity to be treacherous,
to turn their backs on the orange and blue lifestyle
that we have suffered through for years?
-That's right. -We have suffered!
-Every major -- -We are New York Knicks fans!
-Go, New York, go, New York, go!
Go, New York, go, New York, go!
Go -- -Let's go!
-OK. -How dare you?!
-Just making sure. -That's right.
-Just double checking. There's a lot of people watch that.
Yeah, so, finally, people who walk
on a crowded sidewalk while staring at their phone.
-Hey, listen. It's fine. They're from Maine.
-You're allowed. -It's OK.
-It's allowed. -Alright, there you go.
That's it. I appreciate your opinion.
Desus and Mero right there. I want to --
-Jimmy! [ Cheers and applause ]
-I want to show everyone a clip.
Here's Desus and Mero with Denzel Washington.
Take a look at this.
-What's a legendary stop on the two?
Where would you get nervous?
-Where would I get nervous? 2 and 41st.
-Why? -Because you know what?
It's weird because the train just ends.
-Right. -And, like, if you're not used
to that, as a lot of New Yorkers have never been on the train
where it goes above ground.
So imagine the train just ends and you keep walking.
And now you're in a foreign land called, what, Mt. Vernon?
-Well, no, you're still in the Bronx.
-Well, no. If you walk off two blocks now,
you in Mount Vernon, right?
-When you come down the stairs, there's a Peppino's.
-Peppino's Pizza -- you know about it.
Come on!
[ Laughter ]
-He's official! Denzel is official!
-I'm official! -Denzel is official!
-You all thought he was Hollywood, he's not.
He's Hollyhood!
[ Laughter ]
Desus and Mero, everybody. -Yo!
-Check them out on Showtime, every Thursday at 11 p.m..