- Oh damn, I forgot to text Lilly.
(phone buzzing)
- [Woman On TV] At a moment like this,
I'm glad I use Tampax.
- What?
- Cool.
- [Woman On TV] Tampax has a leak guard break--
- Mmh mmh, mmh mmh.
- [Woman On TV] Tampax Pearl--
- Hello?
- Girl, okay, can I just rant for five minutes?
Okay, like...
Okay, so get this.
I just need to get this out of my system.
I just really need to vent.
Let me tell you what this boy just said to me.
- Girl, tell me everything.
- Girl, let me start from the beginning.
Now you know I am not one of those girls
who complains about her boyfriend, but,
and you know I hate to gossip, but,
and we both know I never talk about people
behind their back, but,
but, but, but,
but he sends me a message saying...
Girl, let me read this to you.
"Hey, sorry, didn't reply, was busy."
- Girl?
Girl?
- [Both] Girl?
- Am I wrong?
- He's dumb.
- He's dumb, right?
Like, why you playing games?
- Girl, whatever.
You're honestly too good for him.
- And I know he did it to annoy me too, ya know?
- Exactly.
- So now I'm not gonna reply, that's it.
- Don't even reply, he doesn't deserve it.
- Exactly.
But like, that's right, right?
Like, you would do the same thing?
- Yeah.
- That's what I said.
- He honestly needs to grow up.
- Mm-hmm.
But like, what if he thinks I'm mad?
Because I don't want him to think
he has the power to make me mad.
- (inhales) Mmh, true.
- No, but do you get what I'm saying?
Because I want to seem really happy
and sexy about the situation.
- Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Read it again, what did it say?
- It says, "Hey, sorry, didn't reply, was busy."
- Wait wait, does it say "was busy" or "I was busy"?
- Just "was busy."
- Oh, see, mmh mmh, girl,
he didn't even give you a full sentence.
- Right? What the F?
Now I'm some sort of sentence fragment side ho?
- I think you should reply.
- Yeah, right?
Okay hold up, I'm gonna text saying,
"Hey, no worries, so was I."
- Mmmh...
- What do you think about that though?
- I don't know, it sounds a bit too laid back.
- Yeah, right?
- Maybe like, a hint of being annoyed, you know?
So he knows that he can't be disrespecting you.
- Okay okay, what about,
"You're such a jerk and you have a small penis,
don't worry, I was busy, too."
- Mmh, I like it,
but I feel like it's a bit too intense,
you know what I mean?
You don't want to completely cut him off.
You know what I'm saying?
Girl, you never know when you're gonna feel lonely.
- Mmh yeah, okay, what about like,
"Yeah, I was wondering,
but don't worry because I was busy too."
- Mmh, yeah. That's good.
- Yeah, right?
- Yeah.
- But like, I was wondering?
I don't want him to think I'm like,
fantasizing about him and ish.
- Mmh, you know girl, I was gonna say that,
it does sound a little bit Taylor Swift.
- Mmh, yeah.
Okay, what about like,
"Hey, sorry, can't talk right now,
too busy working out in lingerie."
- Mmh,
- Or like, "Whatever, that's cool, like I'm cool, whatever."
- Girl wait, I got it, I got it.
- What, what?
- The ultimate response.
- Tell me!
- You're gonna reply saying, "K."
- Girl, ahh!
Totally typing K, hold up.
- [Lilly's Friend] Do it! Do it!
- Done.
- Slay.
- Honestly girl, you are so smart, this is why I call you.
But you get me though, right?
Like, you would react the same way?
- Girl, I get it.
Okay, I would react the exact same way.
- Psh, exactly.
Girl?
- Psh, totally.
Has he replied yet?
- Nope.
- What an idiot.
- Oh, hold up.
Girl, he's online.
- What'd he say?
- Nothing yet.
- Ugh, douche.
- Oh, wait. - What?
- Girl, he said,
"Speak soon."
- Another fragment?!
- Like what, now I don't deserve English?
What am I, some sort of peasant?
- Rude, rude, rude.
Girl, rude.
- That's it! That's it!
Girl, he wants to reply to me in half sentences,
the next time he comes over, he can have half the booty.
- Work, girl.
- Psh, "K."
- Slay!
Slay!
- Whatever.
Honestly, I don't know why I keep thinking
I want to be in a relationship.
- It's a lot of work, girl.
- So much work.
I'm done, whatever.
- Whatever, his loss.
- Girl, whatever, bye.
- Girl, bye.
(sucking)
(phone buzzing)
- Sweet!
I'mma get me some tonight!
(upbeat music)