-Welcome, welcome, welcome to the "The Tonight Show,"
ladies and gentlemen. You're here.
Thank you for watching. [ Cheers and applause ]
What a show we have for you tonight.
Anthony Anderson is here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Charli XCX is here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
And from the biggest TV show in the world,
we have the cast of "Squid Game" here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Let me just say I'm glad to have them on my show
rather than me going on their show.
[ Laughter ]
You never really know which Netflix shows
are going to take off.
Last year, people were like, "We love chess."
Now everyone's like, "We love brutal murder games."
[ Laughter ]
And now all the major networks
are trying to create the next "Squid Game."
As we speak, there's an NBC executive thinking,
"Let's drain the pools on 'American Ninja Warrior.'"
[ Laughter ] "Just saying."
What a time this is for TV.
Between "Squid Game" and "Ted Lasso,"
we're truly living through the golden age of track suits.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I really feel that.
We're so excited to have the "Squid Game" cast on the show.
But get this, people have pointed out
that the show's subtitles aren't totally accurate.
Yep, sometimes they're a little different
than what's actually being said.
For example, here's a clip with Netflix subtitles.
And here's what the subtitles should have actually said.
Yeah, see, it's way different. [ Laughter and applause ]
Yeah, a little different.
Let's get to some news.
Guys, to get more moderate Democrats on board,
President Biden is scaling back the spending
in his $3.5 trillion economic plan.
Biden's every person on a home renovation show who's like,
"I want new countertops, a finished basement,
and a remodeled bathroom. That's all."
And the host is like, "Alright, your budget is $800."
"Okay, I'll take a new shower head.
That's good. We're good with that, honey?"
Yep, things within the party are getting ugly.
Moderate Democrats say if Biden wants the money,
he must play a series of deadly children's games.
[ Laughter ]
Well, get this. Apparently New York City mayor Bill de Blasio
has been telling people that he's going to run
for governor of New York next year.
New Yorkers heard and were like, "Please, anyone else."
[ Laughter ]
Then Rudy Giuliani was like, "What about me?"
And New York was like, "Okay, maybe not anyone else."
[ Laughter ]
That's right, Bill de Blasio might run for governor.
He's already testing out some slogans.
I'll show you what I mean. First there's...
Next up, there's...
And finally there's...
They might have to rethink their slogans.
[ Applause ]
Hey, I saw that Amazon added a new feature that gives you
more time to finish your question
before Alexa responds to you.
It seems like a good idea, but let's try it out.
Alexa, do you know what the weather will be like tomorrow?
Alright. I guess not. [ Laughter ]
Some business news -- Uber is introducing --
-A high of 76 degrees with a low of 65.
[ Laughter ] -Okay, a little too much time.
As I was saying, Uber is introducing a new feature
that tracks your flight so your ride is ready
when you land at the airport.
I don't know, this seems like a tall order for a company
that can't even find what corner you're standing on.
[ Laughter ] It's like, "No, I'm here.
I'm actually standing here. You can't be here."
And finally, a guy in Georgia went viral on TikTok
because he traveled across the entire country
to eat Chipotle in all 50 states.
And it took him a while
because he had to make a lot of pit stops.
We have a great show.
Give it up for the Roots, ladies and gentleman.
♪ -And I'm a legend in my own time ♪
♪ Some of y'all are just a legend in your own mind ♪
♪ I let the drum talk to me 'cause it won't lie ♪
♪ A lot of rappers try to kill it but it won't die ♪
♪ I keep on coming back to Philly like a dope pie ♪
♪ La vida loca, from something smoke to it ♪
♪ Imperial ♪
♪♪
-What a show we have for you tonight.
He is the star of "Black-ish."
And now he hosts the new prank show, "House Haunters,"
which premieres tomorrow on Discovery+.
What a talented dude. I love this guy.
Anthony Anderson is here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Anthony Anderson.
Plus from the Netflix series and number-one television show
in the world, the cast of "Squid Game" is here.
-Oh [ Cheers and applause ]
-We are talking to them
and playing a fun, new game with them.
And we have an in-studio performance from Charli XCX!
-Oh! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Get ready. It's awesome. -Love it.
-And of course, an all-new "Tonight Show Hashtags" tonight.
Yeah, that's right. [ Cheers and applause ]
Well, you guys, have you been keeping up
with this whole debt ceiling thing?
The Democrats are trying to raise it
while Republicans are pushing back.
So Biden is meeting with some of the nation's biggest banks
to see if they can help out.
-Man, I'm tired of the news.
[ Laughter ]
-Tariq. [ Laughter ]
-Hmm? -What are you saying?
-I said man, I'm tired of the news.
It's always so boring and serious.
Can we talk about something not in the news?
-Fine with me. What do you want to talk about?
-[ Scoffs ] I don't know.
What's something everyone enjoys?
How about, like, food, right?
Everyone loves eating food. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Sure. Sure. Eating food is very important.
It gives you energy and --
Sorry, Tariq, we have a news alert.
-What is it?
-A new study says one in nine people
experience pain after eating. [ Laughter ]
-What?!
Okay, fine. Let's talk about something else.
Something fun and uncontroversial.
How about Disney princesses?
-That's perfect. Yeah, great. There's Belle, there's Jasmine.
Who can forget Cinderella?
Sorry, Tariq, we have another news alert.
-Please don't read it. -I have to.
If a graphic comes up, I'm required to read it.
Disney Princess concert tour postponed due to COVID.
[ Laughter ]
-You got to be kidding me, man.
How about video games?
-The entirety of Twitch has reportedly been leaked.
[ Laughter ]
-The Arctic Ocean.
-Melting permafrost in the Arctic could release
radioactive waste and awaken sleeping viruses.
-Large sea mammals.
-New species of killer whale
discovered that hunts large sea mammals.
[ Laughter ]
-Come on. Come on, man.
You know what? I'm done.
Just talk about the stupid debt ceiling or whatever.
-No, no, come on. What do you want to talk about?
-Literally anything other than the news.
What's the most random stuff?
Like Humpty Dumpty or sculptures or toilets,
or I don't know, Wisconsin.
-Sculpture of Humpty Dumpty on a toilet stolen in Wisconsin.
[ Applause ]
-That's it, man! Can we just cut to commercial, man?
-Stick around. We'll be right back
with "Tonight Show Hashtags," everybody.