>> SIT DOWN!
>> James: MICHAEL CONROY.
WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED THAT I'M TALKING TO YOU?
SEEMS LIKE WHENEVER THERE'S A CRIME IN THIS CITY, YOU'RE NEVER
TOO FAR AWAY.
>> I'M TELLING YOU, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY.
>> OH, REALLY?
BECAUSE OUR INTEL SAYS OTHERWISE.
WE KNOW YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THAT BANK ROBBERY, AND WE'RE
GOING TO NAIL YOUR ASS TO THE WALL.
>> I WANT TO TALK TO MY LAWYER.
>> James: YOU'LL GET A LAWYER WHEN WE SAY YOU GET A LAWYER.
OKAY NOW SPILL.
WHO ROBBED THAT BANK?
>> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
I ACTUALLY HAVE AN ALIBI.
>> OH, AN ALIBI?
SURE, LET'S HEAR YOUR LITTLE ALIBI.
>> I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL MEETING MY BABY THAT DAY.
>> James: OH, YOUR BABY, HUH?
SEEMS AWFULLY CONVENIENT.
AND WHERE'D YOU GET THIS "BABY?" >> FROM MY WIFE?
>> SO, WHAT, YOUR WIFE JUST HANDED YOU A BABY?
OUT OF THIN AIR?
HANDED YOU A BABY?
>> WELL, NO.
SHE GAVE BIRTH TO IT.
>> James: OH, THAT'S RICH!
SO A BABY JUST COMES A-TUMBLIN' OUT OF YOUR WIFE?
AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?
HOW'S A BABY GET INTO HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?
>> WAIT-- DO YOU GUYS NOT KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM?
>> WE'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE, OKAY NOW WHO ROBBED THE DAMN
BANK?
>> I TOLD YOU I DON'T KNOW!
>> James: THEN HOW DOES A BABY GET IN A WOMAN?
>> OKAY, WELL,ONE OF HER EGGS IS
FERTILIZED, AND OVER THE COURSE OF NINE MONTHS, IT GROWS INTO A
BABY.
>> OKAY, OKAY, YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S EGGS INSIDE
LADIES, NOW?
BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED, MY WIFE, MY MOTHER AND MY DEAR
SWEET DEPARTED GRANDMOTHER THEY WEREN'T, BUK BUK CHICKENS.
>> THEY'RE NOT, LIKE, CHICKEN EGGS.
THEY'RE SMALLER.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
SO AN EGG THAT'S SMALLER THAN A CHICKEN IS SOMEHOW GOING TO GROW
TO BE LARGER THAN A CHRN?
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GO ON PROFESSOR, EXPLAIN.
AND LET'S GO BACK TO THE PART WHERE YOU SAY THEY'VE GOT TO BE
FERTILIZED?
SO WHAT DO YOU DO, ARE YOU THROWING
DIRT INSIDE OF HER OR SOMETHING?
I'M FINDING YOUR STORY A LITTLE HARD TO BELIEVE, BUDDY!
NOW WHO DROVE THE GETAWAY CAR?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO DROVE IT, BECAUSE I WASN'T INVOLVED!
AND THE EGG GETS FERTILIZED BY A MAN'S... SEED.
>> WELL, LA-DEE-DA!
LOOKS LIKE W GOT A REGULAR JOHNNY APPLESEED HERE.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, YOU PUT A "SEED" IN YOUR WIFE AND
BA-DA-BING, BA-DA-BOOM, NOW YOU GOT A BABY?
>> IT'S A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.
>>ames: AND WHERE ARE THESE SEEDS COMING FROM?
BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT THE CLOSEST SEED STORE IS 20 MILES
ACROSS STATE LINES!
YOUR STORY'S STARTING TO SOUND A >> IT'S NOT LIKE A THRIL LITERA
SEED.
THAT YOU BUY AT A STORE.
MEN, WE HAVE THEM INSIDE OF US...
>> YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF APPLE OR SOMETHING?
JUST FULL OF SEEDS?
DO I LOOK LIKE AN APPLE TO YOU?
TAKE IT BACK!
>> James: WHOA, WHOA!
HOLD ON!
LET'S JUST CALM DOWN FOR A SECOND!
>> I'M NOT AN APPLE.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT AN APPLE.
I KNOW.
>> I'M NOT AN APPLE.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW, OKAY.
NOW LISTEN BUDDY LOOK, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO -- YOU TRYING
TO TELL US THAT GUYS HAVE GOT SEEDS AND WE PUT THOSE SEEDS
INTO LADIES, I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU I DO, BUT MY PARTNER HERE IS
GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE MORE CONVINCING.
SO LET'S TAKE THIS FROM THE TOM, OKAY?
YOU SAID THAT MEN HAVE SEEDS, AND WE PUT THEM INTO LADIES TO
MAKE A BABY.
AND JUST FOR FUN, LET'S SAY THAT'S TRUE.
BUT HERE'S WHAT I'M HAVING TROUBLE WRAPPING MY BRAIN
AROUND.
HOW DO WE GET THOSE SEEDS INTO THE LADIES?
>> YOU GUYS REALLY DON'T KNOW?
>> NO.
>> OKAY, COME HERE.
>> James: SHUT UP!
>> NO.
WHAT?
>> AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW IT HAPPENS.
>> UH-UH.
NO.
NO WAY.
O,I, ICKY!
THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN.
>> HE BETTER NOT BE LYING US.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TALKING TO MY CLIENT WITHOUT ME HERE?
YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT ALLOWED!
YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM ANYTHING, DID YOU?
>> I'M NOT SURE.
NO.
>> I'M LEAVING WITH HIM.
AND IF THIS HAPPENS AGAIN, I'M GOING STRAIGHT TO THE D.A.'S
OFFICE.
>> >> James: DAMMIT, COME ON!
>> YOU THINK HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH?
>> James: I HOPE NOT.
BECAUSE BUDDY, IF HE IS, MY KIDS DEFINITELY AREN'T MINE.