Jack: Aye babe!-
Wade: How's it going- *voice goes higher* how's it going baby?
Jack: Ahh... You s-sounded a lot different ten minutes ago... (Mark chuckles)
Mark: *clears throat*
Wade: Yeah that was- that was before you tapped this Mark: I'm so happy I'm
Mark: back at my house... with my WIFE! Wade: Come back!
Mark: Hey bubba...
Jack: Witha my wIFE
Mark: Witha ma wiiife W: I don't...
Mark: Hey... little doggie Wade: (still high-pitched) What's the gameplay? What are we supposed to be doing?
Jack: I-I have the... Bob: What's up, dad?
Jack: I... Mark: Alright, lets go see... how the (throaty) MISSES(Mrs.) IS DOING
*Jack laughs* Bob: Alright dad, I'll come with you dad!
Mark: HUM BAH DUM BAH DUM BUM
Mark: OH!
Jack: Don't blame me for servicing your wife better than you ever could!
Mark: Well you don't know that! Bob: These are weird rooms, dad! Mark: Woah!
Jack: Ahhh! Shit Mark: Oh! Wade: (high-pitched singing) It's a wonderful day to be serviced!
Jack: Fuck you. Fuck you! Mark: Ahh!! What are you doing!? Bob: Holy shit!
Jack: I tazed you! Mark: I've been attacked in my own house!
Jack: Yeah!
Mark: Get 'em, boy! Bob: Oh my god! Dad, wake up! Jack: Oh shitty tits...
Wade: *high pitched* Hey sweetie, and Mr. Fluffles Jack: Ahhh tits...
Mark: Oh hey honey, nice hips! Jack: AUGHH SH- TITS Wade: *high pitched* How's it going?
Mark: Wh- are you- Wade: *high pitched* Thank you
Mark: Did you see the- AHH FUCKING GOD Wade: OH...(high-pitched) Oh! Jack: Fuck you
Mark + Jack: *laughs* Wade: Who is this strange naked man who tazed my husband's ass?
Jack: Yeah- you distract him!
Jack: Do that! Mark: Uhuh... Imma... Bob: I'm gonna getcha, where you at motherfucker?!
Mark: I'M gonna get'cha! Jack: (concentrating) Uhhhh, no you're not!
Jack: No you're not, no you're not, uhh, where the fuck are my pants?!
Bob: *singing* How could this happen to- *stops* (to Mark) he's out the back, dad! Jack: *screams*
Jack: Jesus Christ Mark: (to Bob) Okay! Bob: (to Mark) He's over here, dad!
Mark: (to Bob) Where?
Jack: Creepy little dog, bitch! Bob: (to Mark) Come to the sound of my barks!
Mark: (to Bob) Okay...
Wade: What do I do with this... Jack: Get outa here ya fuck!
Mark: Where'd you go?
Wade: What do I do with pants?!
Bob: (to Mark) I'm in the green office, dad! Jack: GET HIM OFF OF ME!!! Mark: Hey!
Jack: AHHH!
Mark: (to Jack) I'm gonna getcha! Jack: ...CHRIST
Mark: Argh! Oww, fuck! Bob: Oh my god!
Jack: FUCK
Mark: How much tazer do you have?!
Jack: ALLL the tazers!
Mark: Ah, alright then
Jack: Twelve tazers.
Mark: Wait, where? Where??
Mark: I've lost ya. Wade: *high pitched voice* hi, puuuppy!
Bob: (to Mark) He's in the bar Jack: Where the fuck are my clothes?!
Mark: (to Bob) The bar? That doesn't tell me anything Jack + Wade: *incomprehensible screaming*
Jack: Why did I decide to have sex in here? Bob: (to Mark) Dad, you know our house!
Mark: aHAH! Wade: (high-pitched): You're clothes are upstairs! Bob: (to Mark)You know where the bar is!
Mark: I'm gonna punch the- holy shit, I just punched my wife! *laughing* Wade: OW! AHhaaah...
Wade: You hit me! Bob: *laughing* Mark: I just- I punched the shit outta her! Jack: AhHH
Wade: Oh hello! Jack: AHHHH!
Mark: Ahhh! Imma punch ya good! Wade: (high pitched, still) If I look down, I have quite the bosom!
Mark: *laughs*
Jack: That's good honey! I mean...
Bob: I like how I can operate doors, that's fuckin' awesome.
Mark: Dude Bob: I'm the best dog
Mark: GET back here! Wade: (to Jack) Did you find your pants?
Mark: I don't know- Bob: Got you motherfucker
Mark: (to Jack) Where the fuck did you go? Bob: (to Mark) He's gone upstairs!
Bob: (to Mark) He's on the balcony upstairs, sir! J: I keep run-
Mark: Alright, alright Jack: I KEEP RUNNING IN CIRCLES!
Wade: (mocking Bob) Sir?
Jack: *chuckles* sir... Mark: THANK you for calling me by my maiden name. Wade: Thank you- I know
Jack: *Chuckles* AH Jeezus... Mark: Wha-- AAAAHHHHHHHAHAHA Bob: Sir- Sir, father, sir!
Jack: Wade shoot him!!!
Mark: DOOON'T shoot m--OW FUCK!
*Wade laughs*
Jack: You get'em? Bob: Wait, where is this happening?
Mark: How's you shoot me!? Bob: I feel like I'm missing out, SIR.
Mark: I'll punch the shit outta you!
Wade: (still high pitched) Nooo! Mark: YEAH Wade: He's trying to beat me!
Mark: You got quite the donk. Wade: *laugh/cringe/mock/whatever*
Jack: I can't pick that up?
Mark: stahp. stahp. stahp. Wade: aha! Mark... oh...
Mark: I'm a cop, I'm allowed to do this!!! Wade: Wait!
Mark: Stop *All laugh*
Mark: oh, fuck! Wade: (high pitched) You're just looking at my ass!
Mark: Yeah Jack: Are you just beating the shit out of Wade?
Mark: Yeah. Bob: I just drank some water. That was neat. Mark: I'm just-
Mark: I'm catching up - *laughing* Ohhh fuck!! Wade + Jack: *laugh*
Jack: drinking out of the toilet. Bob: What the hell is going on? No! I had a bowl!
Wade: FIDO! You're biting the wrong man!
Mark: *laughs*
Mark: HA! I'll deck the fuck out of you!
Mark: Where ya at? Stop running!
Wade: I don't know were the pants were, Jack: (running away) Nope
Wade: I've got my ass beat so bad, I've lost! Mark + Jack: *laugh*
Mark: Yeah! (throaty) I beat dat SWEET ASS!!! Jack: This is a terrible lesson for the kids.
(random adventure music) Wade: What is this music?! Bob: This music is SO LOUD!
Mark: Well maybe you should be- Jack: aHAH Mark: AAA
Wade: STOP IT! Jack: (to Mark) I'm here now, bitch!
Mark: (to Jack) I'm punching you, why is it NOT doing anything? *laughing*
Wade: (screaming at Mark) OH GOD WHY!?!?!? Mark: *laughing* Sorry, honey!
Mark: SORRY! Jack: (to Mark) Cuz' you keep hitting your wife!
Mark: I don't INTEND to!
Jack: ah shit, oh fuck, ah shit Bob: Where are you assholes?
Jack: AH shit... Mark: Alright... Wade: UPSTAIRS!
Mark: Alright.
Bob: I am upstairs,
Bob: I don't know how to go up stairsers... Wade: Oh my god, that music! Mark: I've got your last article of clothing here. If you-
Mark: WHAT?! Jack: AHA!! Bob: Oh no!
Mark: AIGH THIS BULLSHIT!! Wade: Yaaaay!
Mark: How could I- Jack: YESH!
Mark: I punched my wife 10 times in the face! Wade: Yeah,
Wade: You beat the shit out of me! Mark: (to Jack) I couldn't punch you once! Jack: Let no one doubt!
Bob: *laughs*
Jack: Jack comes into your house and fucks your wife and leaves UN-FLINCHED!
Mark: I can't DEAL WITH THIS! AAAARGGHHHH
Wade: I can't do anything besides get my ass beat Mark: *laughs*
Jack: *chuckles* Wade: *giggles*
Mark: Yeah what the fuck is the point of this? Jack: (to Mark) You're a distraction
Bob: Is this me? Wade: Oh I'm on Jack's team again apparently
Mark: Oh wait am I the lover now??
Mark: Oh Okay alright then.
Bob: Oh I thought that was Wade oh okay... You wanna be the lover Mark?
Mark: (Low gravelly voice) I'm gonna sneak (normal voice) You wanna be the lover? You can be the lover.
Bob: Yeah I-I-I'd like to -- I'd like to do that.
Mark: How do I NOT be the lover now?
Bob: I don't know Mark: There we go, go for it, go for it.
Bob: Oh hey there we go. HaHA!
Mark: (drunk Southern) Alright honey
(Jack chuckles) Bob: So I'ma supposed to find some clothes and stuff?
Mark: (still drunk) I think so.
Jack: Yeah you have to--you have to find pants and a shirt (Bob: neat!) and then you can go out the front door.
Mark: It must be I find it for you and help you................ I think anyway.
Jack: Yeah, I think so
Mark: Oooooo Bob: Hey Baby (Nice ass, girl)
Mark: Hey hit V. (Bob: Oh man) You get a sweet view
Wade: Oh hey I'm POOPIN! HEY I'M POOPIN!
Bob: Ohh man. You're so hot baby.
Mark: Thanks babe look at THIS!
Bob: Oh god yeah
Mark: You seein that? Bob: I love it.
Jack: (Mark: oh yeah Bob: yeah!) Oh I'm about to beat your ass.
Mark: Hang on here we go
Mark: I'm on the bed-- I think
Wade: How do I drink? Bob: I'm on the bed
Mark: I can't... there w--there we go hang on
Mark: Wait
Mark: WAIT
Bob: Yeah baby, oh yeah
Mark: Yeah baby
Bob: STANDING ON THE BED IS SO HOT OH YEAH
Mark: Hang on, let me do this
Mark: Uh. Uh. E--e--e uh
Jack: Wade can you find it?
*Incomprehensible words* Bob: WHAT THE SHIT?!?!
Mark: What the fuck?!
*Mark laughs*
Bob: Man, geez..
Mark: What the hell?
Wade: Just restart that one.
Bob: Fuckin' immediately. geez..
Mark: I was punching the shit out of you, why-Where did you get a taser?!
Jack: ..They're in the safes. *soft chuckle*
Mark: What the-The SAFES?
Mark: Have you played this before?
Mark: Ah, fuck you! Bob: You know what? You're really hot and all,
Bob: but i'm fuckin' out of here.
Mark: Alright, fine. Get out.
Mark: Do you- In fact, I should probably run, too. I don't feel safe here.
Wade: *dog noises* Mark: Oh shit!
Wade: I found 'em!
Jack: Wifey, you're not allowed to help 'em.
Mark: No, I'm helping YOU. Jack: Wifey, no.
Jack: Wifey, no.
Mark: Why are you trying to shoot me?
Mark: Hey- Jack: I miss- Mark: Hey-
Mark: *his attempt at a girly voice* Did you-did you just try... to shoot.. me? Jack: Nooo
*Mark laughs* Jack: Nooo~
Mark: Ow! Fucking- *laughs* Jack: Oh my God, oh noo-
Mark: You fucked me up good. Is this what it-
Wade: Doggy could use some open doors!
Mark: Open doors? Jack: You can open doors.
Mark: Am i supposed to help you?
Mark: OOh, I see! If i look at something, i highlight it.
Jack: Oooh, i see that. Bob: I appreciate that.
Wade: It'd sure be nice if I could open doors to get over there.
Mark: You can!
Wade: How?
Mark: You're a dog, do it.
Jack: *evil laugh* Now, we lay our trap.
Mark: *giggles
Jack: hehehe
Mark: Theres only one pair-
Bob: I can't shoot??
Mark: well you can go-
Jack: There's only one pair of pants
Jack: BOI
Jack: and your gonna have to come to me
Jack: To get 'em
Wade: Oh yeah??
Wade: check this out
Mark: wait whyy-
Mark: Ohhh
Mark:FIDO
Jack: Hello
Jack: *giggles
Jack: C'mere Buddy
Wade: YEAH clean that up
Mark: I dont want TO
Mark: Clean up my marriage
Mark: Alright, Wade
Mark: Wade hang on
Jack: Where'd he go?
Mark: can i-
Mark: Wade, wade
Mark: hold still
Mark: hold still, Wade
Wade: what-
Bob : HAHAHAAHAHA
Bob: HAHAAHAHAHAH
Wade- AHHHHHH
Bob: AHAHAHAAH
Mark: IT DIDNT EVEN FUCKING WORK-
Bob: *still laughing
Mark: *Giggles
Bob: whatever he's outside now
Wade: WAIT
Wade: NOW I'M LOCKED OUT HERE
Bob: *screams
Bob: OHNO
Mark: WAIT
Mark: No dont close the doors!!
Mark: Where you at
Mark: Where you
Mark: COME TO ME
Mark: Come to me
Mark : Where'd you go?
Mark: WHERE'D YOUGO??
Jack: come HERE
Bob: NO
Jack: SLEEP WITH MY WIFE WILL YA
Mark: No
Wade: YES I WILL
Mark: You dont know tha-
Mark: There was no sleeping happening
Jack: C'mere
Jack: OH dead end
Bob: DON'T DO IT!
Jack: Dude you fuck'n missed
Mark: PUNCH ME
Mark: Punch me instead
Bob: Mark, where are my pants?
where are my pants? x2
Mark: They were upstairs.
Jack: come here
Jack: why are you so F***in' it's cause you have no pants
on you're aerodynamic you bastard I don't like this.
Wade: uh
Jack: I'm like right behind you.
Bob: I know I'm afraid to even look because I know you're-
Jack: I can't even hit you it's so fucking annoying. Come here.
Bob: huh uh-uh huh uh oh
Wade: Will you guys quit fighting and come open the front gate
Mark: no
Wade: please?
Jack: F***ing motherfucker
Bob: F**k you no
Bob: no gotta go gotta go gotta go
Bob: NO! Jack: YEAH! Mark: awww Wade: I helped! x2
Wade: Oh I just pissed all over the game.
Mark: It's really hard to hit the lover but Jack's good at it.
Mark: maybe we should just
should just sit down and have a nice
counseling session instead mediated by the dog
Jack: I agree with that Mark: yeah that sounds
like something civil something enjoyable
maybe for all all parties. Jack: oh yes
Mark: babe! babe! babe! Wade: I don't know how you eat
Jack: this is the shit I've always wanted
we dare to come over tomorrow my wife
this is manna this has been a real
physical connection but I don't think
we're connecting emotionally I feel like
you're resolving your unhappy marriage
with flings with other people as a way
of projecting your own inner pain on
others so I feel like the only way to
rectify this problem is to have a long
discussion with your husband so then
yeah you get you feel me you give me
mm-hmm
okay so let's just talk with them no
okay I'm out of here
I peed there's an apple wait come back
lover oh there's an apple for you here
over here over here we're looking Oh get
the Apple my lover no you want in here
too my lover my light oh you get a
banana too lover I got anything Bob I
mean my lover mark my lover
oh where the hell is everyone are there
there's a doughnut oh thank you Bob
thank you there's a my love are your
lover it can help you it's adorable that
is cute lover bob my lover
okay all right Lana banana there's a
banana here my lover lover lover lover
hey I found a donut why did you miss in
this doorway oh I slipped in the bamboo
oh my god you slip it falls
yeah if you there's that is hilarious oh
wait what does it do this they must be
over here man yeah Wow hey sorry
fucking dog I miss oh my god this guy
coop space in his house I thought we
were here to talk no I got like a nice a
nice recording desk set up in here this
is pretty super dog doo doo doo doo doo
doo oh here I go now that actually had a
mood you get a photo
Frank you yeah fuck how do I go down hey
I found an apple for you love her
thank you I've got plenty oh you get
your Panther over five I got my pan oh
cool
I don't know this to me wait over here
boy you missed help house yeah oh you
Mark: whoa you punched the TV down
Jack: You broke the tv!
Bob: where are you assholes? What's happening here?
oh yeah right ah what happened - there's
all this fucking ball - ball yup you
slipped on a banana peel garlic are you
gonna do they know we're dead we're
downstairs we're done I guess right go
after a task - no it's pretty fun uh
yeah I'm working out this is the new
ways Jazzercise I'm saying
yeah let's do subscribe oh oh fucking in
I guess I'm gonna go sorry if you got a
years old I could leave school I get it
they're your new games hosted all right
doing all the playing for
*Outro music*