Liverpool vs Man City Combined XI
Fit players only!
Really? I don’t think I’ve got 11 players to choose from…
Serves you right for stopping your players “asthma” medication
GOALKEEPER
Easy. Alisson. He’s Fifpro Goalkeeper of the Year, he's got a nice beard and, unlike Ederson, he’s Brazil’s #1.
He really is the Lionel Messi of goalkeepers.
More like the Marco Reus of goalkeepers. He’s had more injuries than I’ve had full-backs!
- Ederson it is… - No way!
Calm down, Jurgen. Your false teeth nearly fell out. I said fit players only. And poor Alisson had a little tummy bug. Ohh...
Fit players only? Then it should be Ciamihn Kelleher.
Hahaha. And to think you won The Best Coach award. Embarrassing.
442oons verdict, Ederson
I can’t wait for Mane to kick him back into the 90s on Sunday…
- What? - Nothing...
RIGHT BACK
Kyle Walker is quick at breaking down the wing, even quicker at breaking up opponent attacks and...
...even quicker at breaking lockdown rules, no way.
Good point. What a moron. Though I’ll defend him publicly of course.
Pep, we both know it’s Trent. Okay he may have given the ball away 498,000 times in January...
...but he’s coming back to his best. And he’s the scouser in my team.
What about Joao Cancelo?
No, he’s not a scouser and he's not in my team - Boom! Haha!
- I meant for right back. - But he’s your left back.
- I’ve played him right back lately. - Urgh, I lose track with your 29 full-backs.
Since I started to actually let Cancelo on the pitch, he’s been incredible.
But Trent’s won the league and the Champions League.
Joao Cancelo’s won Mickey Mouse trophies like The League Cup and Serie A. Your honour, I rest my case.
442oons verdict, Trent. JUST.
LEFT BACK
- Andy Robertson. - Next!
442oons verdict, Andy Robertson
CENTRE BACKS
- Dias and Stones, next! - But...
Come on, it’s clearly the Burnley Beckenbauer and the Benfica Baresi. 12 clean sheets in 13 games!
Who’ve you got? The Sunderland Stepanovs and the… where is Nat Phillips from?
- Bolton - And the Bolton Babb?
- Stepanovs and Babb? Who the hell are they? - Precisely!
442oons verdict, Dias and Stones!
MIDFIELDERS
I present Rodri, Gundogan and Bernardo Silva.
Thank you.
Maybe one day you can teach Bastardo Silva how to clap respectfully like this.
I would have presented Fabinho but he’s injured...
And he’s played centre-back all season
And I would have presented Hendo but he’s played centre-back all season...
And he’s got a funny run
And I would have picked Thiago but he’s played worse than an injured Naby Keita…
Hahahaha!
So I can only suggest Genie Wijnaldum - Mr Dependable, Mr Human Shield, and most importantly, Mr Not Injured.
442oons verdict: Rodri, Wijnaldum and Gundogan…
And that’s why I’ll be telling Wijnaldum to name his price!
- What? - Oh. Was I thinking out loud again?
FORWARDS
It’s fair to say our forwards are not at it lately...
- Speak for yourself… I have Sterling… - Judas!
Keep your fake hair on, Jurgen. As I was saying, Sterling…
- Judas! - ...Jesus and Mahrez!
As I was saying, it’s fair to say our forwards are not at it lately...
This forward line looks like it’s going to win the league…
- Tragic... - Well who do you have?
- Mane - Injured
- Jota - Injured
- Firmino - Plays like he’s injured
- And Mo Salah… - Judas!
Keep your hair on Pep, oh, no offence. Why are you calling Salah a Judas?
It looked fun.
442oons verdict: Sterling, Salah and…
Divock Origi!
- Hahaha! - What a shout!
Just kidding, Gabriel Jesus - who isn’t much better than Divock Origi, let’s be honest...
Don’t worry, the next time we play Liverpool, you can pick Erling Haaland...
You mean Kylian Mbappe!
Hahaha, let me guess, you are going to offer PSG a 1.5m loan deal...
...with an option to buy him in 2032 for a pack of stamps and a half eaten cucumber!
- What? - Get yourself some sponsor money Jurgen. Embarrassing.