(bells jingling)
(sighing)
- So, I've been dating this guy for a few months,
and he's really sweet.
- Oh, eat my asshole!
- Really cute.
- Oh, oh, that burrito, oh.
- And has a really big dedication
to fictional characters.
In other words, he's a gamer.
And I mean, it's a bit challenging.
- Babe, babe, can you scratch my elbow?
- But let's be real,
gamers are some of the best people to date.
After all, they never leave the house,
so they can never cheat on you.
- Ah, my leg's asleep, can you?
- Yup, I got it. - Yeah, there we go.
- And, they're really good with their hands.
- I bet I can kill this guy with my tongue, hang on.
Am I getting him?
- Just imagine.
Here's how to date a gamer.
(groans)
- Mark!
- Yes, hi.
- Do you know why I'm upset with you right now?
- No.
- I've told you a million times
to refill the roll when it's done,
and put the toilet seat back down.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
(sighing)
- Step One: Conflict resolution.
Do it in a way they understand.
Mark, when you don't refill the roll,
it's like you left me with no extra ammo,
knowing I'm on my last bit of health.
And when you don't put the seat back down, it's like,
no scope,
wreck,
pwned,
exsanguated, me, brah.
- I am so sorry, I did not mean to kill you.
I will replace the toilet paper, and I'll put the seat down.
- Thank you.
- Now if you excuse me, I have to fire off some shots.
- Oh, are you gonna play while you're on the toilet again?
- No.
I had Mexican again.
Alright, mic on, focus good, recording.
Hello everybody!
My name is Markiplier,
and we're going back to the original
Five Nights at Freddy's.
It's been a while, there's been
a lot of sequels that we've been playing--
- Oh, hey babe!
Whatcha doing?
- Nothing.
You wouldn't like it.
- Step two: Take interest in the game.
What are these cute little wooden people?
- Okay, first off, they're not wooden, they're not people,
they're horrible animatronics filled
with the souls of dead children, it's not a fun story.
- What do you mean, they're so cute--
(screams)
Oh, Mark run!
- I told you you wouldn't like it.
- (screams) Mark!
Oh my God.
Oh, is this Fridays at Freddy's?
Is this Fridays at Freddy's?
- It's Five Nights, and yes.
- Oh my God, where is Freddy?
Get him to help you, babe!
- We don't wanna know where Freddy is.
He doesn't help you, he only murders you.
- Oh my God, what a bad host!
Can't you find a star or something?
- This isn't Mario, we don't get to be invulnerable.
- Where is Yoshi?
(groans loudly)
- Out, out, out, out.
- At least it's the thought that counts.
- Out!
- I hope you save Peach, babe.
Hey Markle Sparkle,
did you pick up the milk like I asked you to?
- Yeah.
- Babe.
- Huh?
- Mark.
- Uh-Huh.
- Are you listening?
- I sure did.
- I cheated on you.
- Cool.
- Yeah, and I'm pregnant with his child.
- Aw, I'm sorry.
- It was PewDiePie.
- Heh, nice.
- Yeah, his accent turns me on.
And his legs aren't weird and bendy like yours.
- Yeah.
(groans)
Step Three: Communicate effectively.
Mark.
- Oh!
Hey.
What are you doing here?
Uh, are you home yet?
- I need you to pick up the milk.
(laptop slams shut)
- Okay.
(8-bit music)
- Step Four: Always make time for romance.
Marky Moo, can you give me a massage?
- Of course. - Thanks, babe.
- You got it.
- Press down.
- I can't, I'll fall off the cliff.
- No, on my shoulder. - Oh.
- And go left.
- Here?
- No, in the game, you're about to die.
- Oh! There's a...
(loud explosion)
(shouting)
(angrily screaming)
- Frick!
That level took a long time!
- That's great, thanks--
(shouting angrily)
So, do you wanna leave the house today?
- Uh, that sounds stressful.
- M'kay, what about dinner?
- Why, are we out of pizza rolls?
(sighs)
- Step Five: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Can I play with you?
- Sure.
- So, wait, I use this to move?
- Yeah, but don't worry, I'll go easy on ya.
- Seems pretty simple, to be honest.
- It's not that simple.
- I'm doing pretty good, actually.
- Well, maybe--
- Oh look at me, I'm like, killing you!
- Okay, yeah, okay, calm down a little bit.
- Like, you're dying! - Hang on.
- I am destroying you right, this is easy.
- I am going super easy on you.
- Oh my God, this is what you do all day?
Oh my God.
Step 5.1: Once you join 'em, beat 'em.
Boom, boom, boom, eat it!
Eat it!
- Take it! - Hang on, I need a do over--
Wait, just wait!
I'm still, hang on.
(laughing)
Okay, hang on, wait.
- And, boom!
(loud explosion)
So, dinner?
- Sure.
- What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman, and...
- I'm Mark. - This is Mark.
- That's me! - He's great!
I hope you enjoyed this video.
If you did, give it a thumbs up
because if you give it a thumbs up,
I can try to convince him to do more
collaborations with me, maybe.
- 'Cause my currency is exclusively likes.
- Yes, exactly. - Nothing else.
- Make sure you check out Mark's channel,
he is lovely and wonderful.
His links are down below in the description.
If you wanna check out my other videos,
the last one is right over there so go ahead and click that.
My second vlog channel is right over there.
Make sure you subscribe
because this is only my first collaboration,
but I have many more collaborators.
I had to start off with a bang, huh?
- A little bang? - Okay.
- Yeah, okay.
Subscribe because I make new videos
every Monday and Thursday.
Wanna try my out-tro?
Okay, let's do it.
One.
Love.
Superwoman!
Do the thing, do the thing.
- I'm doing it. - Now do it.
- Wait, no... there we go. - Yup, that's it.
- That is a wrap and zoom!
- Whoosh!
- Whoosh works!
Whoosh works!
- Whoosh is good.
I like whoosh.
- Hello everyone, I'm Markiplier.
- Hello!
It's me!
Superwoman!
- That's what I sound like. - How's it going?
- Good, good.
- Love to all the world.
Girl love.
Hashtag, yo.
- Yes. Yes, good. - Whaddup.