♪ (classical ballad) ♪
♪ (sultry R&B music) ♪
- Hey! - Hey!
- (chuckles) Happy anniversary, honey.
- Oh. Okay. Heh.
- Unh! - Oh.
- Ow. (exhales)
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Uh, come on in. I love you so much.
I got a surprise for ya. Come on.
- (confused) Okay.
Oh my god! I can't believe you did all this!
- I know we agreed on no gifts, but I also know
that's just something girls say and don't really mean.
(both giggle) - Okay.
- The gift I got you is priceless.
I'm gonna make all of your wildest dreams come true.
- (horrified) OH MY GOD!
That's a... human arm.
- That's not just any human arm.
That's MY human arm.
I cut my arm off so you could eat it.
- Holy shit, Vince. What--
I can't believe you did this.
- I knew you'd love it.
I just wanted you to taste human flesh like you always dreamed.
- What would make you think that I want to taste human flesh?
- The other day. I was at your house.
And I found your diary.
And in your diary, it says...
"My deepest desire is to taste human flesh."
Well, I love you so much I made it happen.
- Um... - You're speechless.
I knew it. I knew it.
You never thought you'd be loved this much. But you are.
- No. This isn't my diary.
This is my dystopian Y.A. novel.
- But it's written like a diary.
- Um, that's actually kinda my spin on it.
It's like Anne Frank meets Hunger Games.
So I'm actually really excited about it.
- Anne Frank is not fiction.
- What?
Oh my god, that is so sad.
Wait, are Nazis really a thing?
- I cut my arm off for you.
I cooked my arm for you.
I seasoned my arm with seasonings
I thought would pair well with human flesh.
- Yeah, I have to be honest, it actually smells really good.
- Why don't you just have a seat.
We'll enjoy a nice dinner. Please.
We can talk about your book later.
- Wait, hold up.
You thought it was okay to read my diary?
That's a huge invasion of my privacy.
- It wasn't even your diary.
- But you thought it was!
- Can you just calm down? You're getting a little crazy.
- You cut off your arm for a two-week anniversary!
- I thought it would be sweet.
- I hope for your sake that that wasn't your masturbating arm.
- Why would you say something like that?
- Because if you can't respect my stuff,
you don't get my stuff, okay?
This is really creepy, Vince.
It's like really, really, really creepy, man.
- (sighs)
♪ (dramatic chord) ♪
Yeah, she broke up with me.
Whatever. It's her loss. More for me, I guess.
No, it tastes like chicken.
Think I got the seasoning just right.
Want to come over and help me?
(tone)
Tonight I'm gonna make all of your wildest dreams come true.
- (cracks up) - Sorry about that.
(crew laughs)
(tone)
(crew groans and laughs)
(tone)
- Because if you can't respect my stuff,
you don't get my stuff, okay?
(cracks up) (crew laughs)
(tone)
- That MY human arm.
- What? - Yeah, give me a minute.
I cut my arm off so you could eat it.
(tone)
That's...
- What? No. - Give me a minute.
Give me a minute.
MY human arm.
- (director laughs) Cut. (crew laughing)