I had such a good time tonight!
- Good, good!
Like you know how the DJ ended with the um, Peaches and Cream?
Did you hear the girls dancing next to us? They called that a throwback. When did Peaches and Cream become a throwback?
Since 6 years ago when it was 10 years old. - Oh my god. - I told you this was...
- No, no, no, no, no, we, we are still young. We are part of this crowd...
- Hey hey hey, I got a great idea:
Let's finish this night with a happy ending. Come on!
The happy ending line? Yeah, at least once a month.
Seriously? These guys actually think Asian girls like that line?
Some girls do apparently. It is f*cking disgusting in my opinion. And unoriginal!
You girls are so lucky.
I'm sorry, lucky?
That, we have to deal with being fetishized? - I would love to be fetishized. - Really?
You, you want someone to say, "I'll be Tarzan, you be Mulan." - I would love to get racist Disney pickup lines
Come on Mel, admit it, y'all have it way better than we do.
Okay? Other ethnicities don't even look at Asian guys in a romantic way. - I mean, that's kind of true. Look at movies.
You always see Asian girls with like, a bunch of different types of guys, but you never see Asian guys with
Anyone. - Mm-hmm. - Okay. I mean, I didn't say I disagreed there's a problem.
I'm just saying I don't think you guys would like someone going after you just because of your race, and
saying, "I want some of your egg roll." - That would be so offensive. - Yeah!
- Because I'm half Korean. I'd give him some of my mandu and kimbap - Or your ttoek-bokki? - Hey guys. Sorry we're late.
Yeah, what are we ordering, Korean food?
Nope, Tom was just painting us a very vivid picture of his penis and testicles with Korean dishes.
We're talking about yellow fever.
Ah, yellow fever pisses me off so much
Uh Brett, what are you talking about? - Oh, it's where guys only go after Asian women. - Oh, no, we know what it is. It's just,
you're with Jessica.
Yeah, I know. Jessica.
Wait, you don't think I have yellow fever?
Babe do you think that I'm only with you because you're Asian? - No, honey. Relax. I know you're with me for me.
But I, am Asian
and the girl you dated before me was also Korean
She was adopted.
And you dated that girl in Japan. - I was studying abroad. - And why did you choose Japan for your program again?
- Because I love the culture and the food and the movies and... [the realization sets in]
- Yeah. - Oh my god. - Babe, it's okay. Okay, none of that stuff matters. What matters is that we love each other for who we are.
Who's gonna believe that?
Huh? What you didn't even believe it. How did how did this happen?
You know what? All dating requires physical preferences, right?
That's not wrong. - Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Think about it. I mean dating is the most openly
racist and
superficial thing we do as a society...?
You know, I am attracted to other types of women too...
Don't you people look at me walking around with her and think I'm some sort of creepy sleaze?
Noooo...
Yeah
What, it's true! Asians are hella judgmental.
Okay
You know, it's not my fault. All my friends growing up were Asian. I was the token. Must've been influenced by them or something.
No one is blaming you for anything. - And you were raised in Oklahoma surrounded by white people.
It's like we just met in the middle, right? - Can you just drop it?, okay? No one cares.
And if they do,
screw em.
Come 'ere.
We fit each other. We love each other.
It's my friggin white-guilt.
Your empathy.
Fine, white empathy. What's the difference?
The mainstream media emasculates Asian men and sexualizes Asian women and I see it all the time. I'm woke, you know?
But no. Here comes white Brett coming out taking advantage of the situation, grabbing an Asian woman like a, colonist.
Okay, woah, you did not grab me.
I tolerated your horrible karaoke at the office holiday party.
I know what I need to do. I need to offset our interracial relationship with the opposite. [laugh]
Opposite? Okay, if this your way of trying to justify a three-way, it's not gonna work.
[sigh] Come on.
I hate when there's no emoji for the face you want to make. - What are you trying to do?
I feel bad for whoever's on the receiving end of that.
Whatever.
Who are you talking to?
Okay,
don't tell anyone in the group yet and definitely don't tell mom and dad, 'cuz they will freak out but
I met a girl a couple weeks ago. - Cool. What is she?
What do you mean?
Chinese, Japanese, Viet?
Okay. Why do you assume that she's Asian?
Because you've only ever had Asian girlfriends. - You've only had Asian boyfriends.
Yeah, uh, but I've
experienced a lot of other types
What does that even mean?
Too many guys in college wanted to check me off a bucket list of races they wanted to f*ck.
Oh, ew, okay
I'm sorry yes. - So, I only date Asian guys now.
Isn't that just like a white guy having yellow fever?
Asians can't have yellow fever.
Why not? - Because it's a fever. If we liked Asians, we would have...
yellow homeostasis. - Wow, you are truly putting that bow you read to good use.
So what is she?
She's half Japanese. -I knew it. - And half black.
A Blasian?
Why is that so shocking?
No, no, that's cool. I just didn't know you had jungle fever.
Okay, first of all,
I think that's an offensive term. And I don't have that.
You sure? There's nothing about a race that draws you in?
I don't know. I, mayb- look, look. She could have been Indian and I still would've asked her out.
Ah! Brown-chitis.
What, no! If she were El Salvadorian, doesn't matter. - Ah, Latina-monia. - Do you just sit at home and practice these?
Look I think it's great. You're breaking out of your bubble. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.
...a great time...
Wait, why is no one here yet? Tom is usually super punctual. - Oh, I actually didn't invite Melody or Tom just Andrew.
Well, I guess a smaller group's fine sometimes. - And another friend.
Wait, who did you invite?
Uh, just a friend of a friend. She's new to LA. Her name is Sabrina. - Oh
That's nice.
She's white.
Oh my god.
Cool...?
You trying to set Andrew up? - Yeah, I just thought that if I'm taking an Asian girl from them,
they should get a white girl from us. - That statement is so rude on so many...
- Hey! - Sabrina! - Hey!
Oh uh, sit right here next to Andrew. [clears throat]
Andrew this is Sabrina. - Nice to meet you! - Nice to meet you!
Brett, shut it down, shut it down NOW!
Oh sh*t, that Asian guy's with a white girl. Hey, cheers bro
What is with Asian guy's fascination with dating non-Asian girls?
Uh, because it's so rare?
Like an Asian girl dating a white guy is easy. They're already sexy to them. - Well, I don't want to be sexy to them.
- Well, it's too late.
Look all white guys love Asian girls.
Okay, white girls on the other hand don't naturally find us sexy.
So for us to be desirable to non-Asian girls that takes us undoing all of the
William Hung and nerdy Asian sidekick imagery that they've been brainwashed with. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, you would date a white girl if you could.
Probably not. I don't think I could do the culture gap. - Then what are we even talking about? I just want the option, okay? - You guys are the worst.
Blake?
Tom! Oh my god. Hey good to see you! - Good to see you! Um, Mel this is Blake.
We went to law school together. - Hey! Blake. - Hi! Nice to meet you. - How's it going.
Where have you been the last two years man? - I transferred to Shanghai. That place is wild.
So Sabrina actually does social media at StylePick. - I do. - Nice. - Yeah, Andrew, you do computer stuff too, right?
Uh, yeah, but nothing with apps. We do mainframe engineering done at Cylo.
Down at Cylo.
Hashtag how Cylo can you go? [laugh]
Sorry, can't help it
You guys look like a hashtag duo I like this.
Right.
Very fun.
So Blake planned this epic Asia trip right before we had to buckle down for the bar.
Remember that one cab ride that we took in Macau. - Oh yeah,
how could I forget? Yeah, so this driver
stopped at like three different family businesses of his to introduce me to his his three lovely daughters.
- Wow, you don't say.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. - Cool man.
Hey, don't you want another? Or you're good. - Yeah. I'm good. - Cool.
How about you? Have you been to Thailand?
Okay, let me just stop you right there.
Are you seriously opening up a conversation with me about Asian countries?
What? - First of all, I'm from San Diego and second you might be hoping I'll fulfill your exotic Asian
fantasies, you got the wrong girl. So back off.
Not even into white guys.
Whoa. Okay. Is that why you're angry? You think I'm hitting on you because you're Asian
Uh, yeah.
First of all, I'm actually going through a divorce right now if you must know, so meeting women is kind of
the last thing on my mind right now.
Sorry.
It's just you know under the circumstances I thought you were assuming because I'm Asian you're white
I was attracted to you?
I am, I am, NOT that guy
at all.
Okay, good. Matter of fact, I'm not really into Asian girls.
Oh man, everything looks so good. What do you say we all just get something different?
That way we can try a little bit of everything, family style? Yeah, that's good.
Hmm. I think I'm actually probably gonna get the chicken Caesar salad if they have it.
You sure, you don't wanna try something a little bit more unique. - I'm so simple when it comes to food.
Boring, I know. I know.
I just love chicken.
Who doesn't like chicken, right? - Oh, hey, there's a Cornish hen étouffée - Hen...
Hen's a chicken.
Yeah, but like it's also really small.
It's kind of just like, why? And like I don't know you could just like see the whole thing on the plate. It's just, it's just weird.
You mean like a turkey on Thanksgiving? - Yeah, but like, you know, that's kind of like a tradition and it's bigger,
so you feel like it's a little different
Hey isn't Thanksgiving great right? Andrew you celebrate Thanksgiving with a duck, right?
What, what do you mean you don't like Asian girls? I didn't say I don't like them, I said I'm not into them.
Does that offend you? - No.
No. No, no, no. it's it's great. I'm so tired of being fetishized, you know. - I'll bet.
But like what is it, exactly, you're not into? - All right. Well, this is...
generalizing, of course, but I tend to be into taller girls and Asian girls tend to be short.
That, that, that, seems unfair to,
just write off all Asian women because of our height. - Not writing anyone off.
I just, look I tend to be into thicker girls, too, if you must know, and
Asian girls tend to be on the skinny side. - You know what? I'm sorry
I asked you are so superficial. - Oh, what about you? Do you rather date a tall guy or a short guy? - I'm open
Hmm. Yeah, and if you had a choice would
your guy be bald? - Maybe
Look you have physical preferences and that's okay. I have physical preferences. That's okay
It happens that my physical preferences don't align with your ethnic group. Is that so wrong?
It's not about the physical. It's about personality. Of course, of course it is, but there has to be some sort of
physical chemistry first, right? I mean
Aren't you glad I'm not fetishizing your Asian features
You seem a little defensive
given
You're butt-hurt. - Hee-alll
No, no way. No, you assume that since you're an attractive Asian girl, I would just be falling all over myself to hit on you.
You think I'm attractive.
You're too short from me. - You're too hairy. - You're too pale
You look like Ringu. - Says the white guy. - Go outside and get some Sun
Oh, really? So my skin can age ten times faster than yours. What what are you 57?
Holy sh*t. - Yeah
Nothing.
Nothing. - I'm gonna go find some. - What do you mean, nothing?
What do you mean?
Melody. There was something, there was, there was something there was something there
Like born in the USA
Glory days
Secret garden. - I mean I know who he is and that he was huge. It's just I didn't really grow up listening to Springsteen.
I was like listening to
Peaches and Cream
I think this is my Uber.
So...
I'm not great at first dates or group dates or whatever this was but um,
I'd love to maybe try it again sometime?
Like just us, maybe.
Oh, um.
That went well, right? Oh shh shh shh.
Guys ready to go? - So, what'd you think of Sabrina? - Oh my god. Give it a rest
She was nice, but
we don't really have anything in common. So probably not gonna work out. - Come on man. Give her a chance.
Okay, what's going on? You've been acting so weird tonight.
Brett wants to set you up with Sabrina because he thinks if you date a white girl, it'll offset his supposed yellow fever
What?
That is,
Strangely thoughtful in a really twisted way, but I'm actually... - Stop it. I'm going home.
Let me know when you guys stop thinking of us as trading cards, ok?
Babe, you know I don't believe... Look, okay, we'll talk about this later bud, but I'll send you her LinkedIn, okay?
Andrew! - Who sang peaches and cream
112
How do you - yes, 112: Slim, Q. Those other two guys
Mike and Daron.
Mike, Daron. Yeah see, this is why I like you. - Because I know the names of 90s R&B groups?
Yeah, I mean no. Yeah. Sorry my
sister kind of got into my head that I was only dating you because
Because what?
Because you're black, which is so not the case at all, right?
I mean it's because we like the same music and
you have a great sense of humor and we have deep conversations and you're great with kids and... - Andrew Andrew, slow down.
Why is this all of a sudden issue? - I guess
I've never dated someone who wasn't Asian, so I've never had to question my motives.
Well being black is important to me, and I do want you to care about me being black.
Yeah, I mean I don't want it to be the sole reason why we're together of course
But I do want you to care about what makes me who I am.
Same with me. - You know, this is a pretty heavy talk for a girl you only went on three dates with.
Well
Maybe I want it to be something more
Maybe I did too.
But,
The thing is I just [singing]
OoOo, I loved T-Pain.
I'm kidding. [laughing]
[More singing]
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