>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR YOU'VE LOVED FOR
DECADES.
SHE NOW LITERALLY EATS YOUR HEART IN "SANTA CLARITA DIET."
>> YOU GO TALK TO ED AND IF HE'S UNDEAD WE KNOW IT'S THE CLAMS.
IF HE'S FERAL, WE GO BACK TOGETHER AND MAKE HIM REGULAR
DEAD AND IN THE MEANTIME I'M GOING TO TALK TO KARL.
>> YOU SHOULDN'T TALK TO KARL BY YOURSELF.
>> DON'T WORRY.
I HAVE A PLAN.
I'M GOING TO ACT LIKE OLD SHEILA WHO'S DEMURE AND CHIPPER AND
NEVER HAD AN ORGASM WHILE EATING A MAN'S LIVER.
MMM...
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME, DREW BARRYMORE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: HELLO.
( CHEERING ) HEY.
>> HI!
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU SINCE I INTERVIEWED YOU IN
CHARACTER ON THE OLD SHOW, AND BACK THEN I COULDN'T ACTUALLY
APPRECIATE BEING WITH YOU TO THE DEGREE THAT YOU DESERVE BECAUSE
I WAS A JERK.
>> NO, YOU WEREN'T, BUT I TEND TO OVERDO IT WITH PEOPLE I LOVE,
AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I'VE WATCHED EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF
YOUR SHOW EVER!
( CHEERING ) LIKE EVER!
IF I WOULD TRAVEL AND COME BACK TWO MONTHS LATER, I WOULD GO
THROUGH EVERY EPISODE BECAUSE I JUST WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT,
AND MY CHILDREN'S FATHER AND I WOULD WATCH IT TOGETHER AND I
NEVER MISSED ONE EPISODE BECAUSE I WOULD ALWAYS LEARN SOMETHING
FROM EVERYTHING, EVEN IF IT WAS PAST NEWS, IT WAS A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.
>> Stephen: WELL, WE AIM TO EDUCATE IS PRIMARILY WHAT WE
WANT TO DO.
I AM AN EDUCATOR.
>> I DO LIKE NEWS, I LIKE IT SATIRICALLY, BUT I FEEL LIKE
SATIRICAL NEWS IS COVERING STUFF EVEN NEWSPAPERS AREN'T AND YOU
HAVE TO DIG SO DEEP AND YOU JUST MAKE THE WORLD A MORE SMARTER,
EDUCATED PLACE.
( APPLAUSE ) WHILE MAKING IT PALATABLE.
BECAUSE A LOT OF THE STUFF WE'RE LEARNING --
>> Stephen: IT'S GOT A BITTER AFTER TASTE.
LITTLE SPOONS FULL OF SUGAR IN THERE.
>> IF YOU CAN SERVE IT UP IN A DELIGHTFUL WAY, YOU'VE
ACCOMPLISHED GOD'S WORK.
>> Stephen: OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE A BIT OF A NEWS FAN?
>> I AM.
>> Stephen: YOU KEEP UP ON THINGS.
WHAT ABOUT TALK SHOWS?
AS I SAY BEFORE, YOU HAVE BEEN ENTERTAINING US ALMOST FOUR
DECADES.
YOU HAVE BEEN ON TALK SHOWS SINCE YOU WERE FIVE OR SIX.
>> I DID JOHNNY CARSON IN 1982.
>> Stephen: WOW!
AND I TRIPPED ON THE STEP AND REALLY, REALLY ATE IT.
I THINK THEY, LIKE, CUT TO A DIFFERENT ANGLE IN THE CAMERA
BECAUSE I WAS, LIKE, SPLAYED.
>> Stephen: PHYSICAL COMEDY.
I WAS, LIKE, THIS IS A LESSON IN HUMILIATION.
IT'S THE TONIGHT "LATE SHO -- IT "TONIGHT SHOW" AND YOU'RE SEVEN
AND YOU COMPLETE SI LIHAVE EATEN IT.
I WAS ON HIS SHOW EIGHT TIMES.
I STARTED BRINGING HIM GAG GIFTS.
HE WAS ON HIS ALLOT DIVORCE AND I BROUGHT HIM A SET OF DISHES
WITH HIS NAME ON IT AND I SAID, WHATEVER WOMAN YOU DIVORCE WON'T
WANT THESE BECAUSE THEY SAY "JOHNNY"!
>> Stephen: WOW.
I WAS A REAL CARD, OR I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE HAT SENSE OF
HUMOR BUT I LOVED JOKING WITH HIM.
IN THIS PARTICULAR THEATER I DID SOMETHING PARTICULARLY WITH
MR. LETTERMAN.
>> Stephen: YOU FAMOUSLY PULLED A LITTLE BOURBON STREET
ON HIM.
>> I SOMETIMES THINK IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE ME.
IT'S LIKE A DISTANT MEMORY THAT JUST DOESN'T SEEM LIKE ME, BUT
IT IS ME, AN THAT'S KIND OF COOL.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M STILL DOWN WITH THAT.
I'M LIKE A MOTHER OF TWO, I'M COMPLETELY, LIKE, YOU KNOW -- I
DON'T KNOW, I'M SUCH A DIFFERENT PERSON NOW THAT IT DOESN'T FEEL
LIKE ME BUT I'M, LIKE, STILL INTO IT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU LIKE THAT
FEELING.
>> I'M A CHANGED WOMAN.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE ONE OF THE FIRST FAMOUS WOMEN IN
HOLLYWOOD TO CREATE HER OWN PRODUCTION COMPANY IN 95, RIGHT?
>> YES, FLOWER FILMS.
>> Stephen: FLOWER FILMS.
THAT WAS REALLY AHEAD OF THE CURVE.
NOW WE'RE IN A MOMENT OF FEMALE EMPOWERMENT IN HOLLYWOOD.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: TALK ABOUT DIVERSITY AND INCLUSION.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS PRESENT MOMENT WE'RE
IN RIGHT NOW?
>> I THINK IT'S PHENOMENAL AND OVERDUE AND WONDERFUL.
THE ONLY THING I EVER HAVE A PERSONAL THING ABOUT IS TONE.
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAVE TONE OF ANGER.
I KNOW PEOPLE SAY ANGER IS HEALTHY.
I HAVE A DARK SIDE THAT'S COMPLETELY, YOU KNOW, A HUGE
QASEM, BUT I'VE NEVER -- CHASM.
I'VE NEVER BEEN AN ANGRY PERSON OR EXPECTED PEOPLE TO HAND
THINGS TO ME.
I HOPE PEOPLE WON'T DO IT WEATHER AND EXPECTATION BECAUSE
YOU HAVE TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE AND WHAT THIS IMPORTANT
TIME IS ABOUT IS THOSE DOORS OPENING FOR THOSE PEOPLE.
SO WHEN I -- >> Stephen: AND ONCE YOU WALK
THROUGH THE DOOR, IT'S UP TO YOU.
>> ABSOLUTELY, I THINK IT IS.
WHEN I WAS A WOMAN OR A GIRL, AT 19 I KNEW WALKING IN THESE ROOMS
THE GUYS WERE LIKE WHO IS THIS WOMAN IN A JANSPORT BACKPACK --
IT'S THE BEST ON THE PLANET ESPECIALLY WITH KIDS -- BUT WE
WALKED IN AND PRESENTED OURSELVES WITH CAPABLE GIRLS.
IT WAS IN H THE ERA OF THE HOLLYWOOD POWER SUIT WOMAN,
WOMEN WERE BECOMING HEADS OF STUDIOS BUT THEY WERE ALMOST
TRYING TO BE MEN ABOUT IT AND WE'RE, LIKE, WE'RE JUST GIRLS
BUT HERE'S HOW WE WOULD MAKE CHARLIE ANGELS AND WE WOULD SHOW
AND MAKE CLIP REELS AND PROVE OURSELVES SO WE WOULD LEAVE NO
DOUBTS OR FAVORS TO BE ASKED, AND I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR
WOMEN TO WORK HARD AT THEIR DREAMS AND TO DO IT WITHOUT
ANGER, AND I KNOW THIS IS A TABOO THING TO SAY IN THIS TIME
BECAUSE IT IS IGNITED BY ANGER, SO I GUESS MAYBE THERE'S A
HEALTHY AND UNHEALTHY ANGER, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IF YOU
HAVE THE ABILITIES AND YOU STAY POSITIVE AND YOU DON'T EXPECT
THINGS TO BE HANDED TO YOU BUT YOU REALLY WORK TOWARDS THEM,
ALL THE GREATNESS WILL COME BECAUSE I WAS NEVER TREATED LIKE
A LITTLE GIRL WHO COULDN'T DO IT.
( APPLAUSE ) MAYBE I HAD TO EARN IT, BUT
EARNING IS OKAY.
>> Stephen: GREAT TO HEAR.
THAT'S GREAT TO HEAR.
>> I SAY TAKE THE POSITIVE AND CAPABLE APPROACH AND BE TIRELESS
ABOUT IT, NEVER EVER EVER STOP WORKING.
I'M, LIKE, A CRAZY WORKER.
>> Stephen: NOW YOU'VE GOT THE "SANTA CLARITA DIET" ON NETFLIX
NEXT SEASON IN WHICH YOU PLAY A SUBURBAN MOM WHO IS ALSO A
ZOMBIE.
AND WHICH OF THOSE IS MORE OF A STRETCH FOR YOU?
( LAUGHTER ) >> WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD
AND DID "FIRE STARTER," IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I GOT AN INSIGHT
INTO WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BLOW PEOPLE UP, AND I LIKED IT.
( LAUGHTER ) I DID.
I KNOW I JUST SAID DO THINGS WITHOUT ANGER, BUT THERE ARE
SOME PEOPLE ON THE PLANET WHERE I WAS JUST, LIKE, I WISH I COULD
SHOOT A FIRE BALL AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: HOW OFTEN DO YOU COME HOME COATED IN BLOOD?
>> ALMOST EVERY NIGHT.
I WILL HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER AT THE STUDIO BUT I'LL MISS PARTS
AND MY CHILDREN WILL GO, WHAT IS THAT RED?
I WILL SAY WE PAINTED AT WORK, KIND OF AN ART THING.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU ARE A
BOHEMIAN, YOU'RE A FREE SPIRIT.
>> I GUESS SO.
>> Stephen: YOU ACTUALLY BROUGHT POETRY FOR US TO READ.
>> I ALWAYS TRY TO THINK ON SHOWS, LIKE, HOW WE COULD MAKE
IT PERSONAL OR DO SOMETHING, AND, SO, I JUST STARTED PUTTING
TOGETHER A HUGE LIST OF POEMS FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU SENT A LONG LIST, I LOVE POETRY.
THIS IS ONE OF THE ONES YOU CHOSE.
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: I'LL READ IT.
ALSO A LITTLE POETRY AT NIGHT IS NICE.
>> Stephen: WONDERFUL, YES.
IT'S CALLED "SO NOW."
THE WORDS HAVE COME AND GONE, I SIT ILL.
THE PHONE RINGS, THE CATS SLEEP, LINDA VACUUMS.
I AM WAITING TO LIVE, WAITING TO DIE.
I WISH I COULD WRING IN SOME BRAVERY, IT'S A LOUSY FIX, BUT
THE TREE OUTSIDE DOESN'T KNOW.
I WATCH IT MOVING WITH THE WIND IN THE LATE AFTERNOON SUN.
THERE'S NOTHING TO DECLARE HERE, JUST A WAITING.
EACH ONE FACES IT ALONE.
OH, I WAS ONCE YOUNG.
OH, I WAS ONCE UNBELIEVABLY YOUNG.
>> Stephen: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MY BALONEY HAS A
FIRST NAME ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: IT'S O-S-C-A-R.
MY BALONEY HAS A SECOND NAME, M-A-Y-E-R.
OH, I LOVE TO EAT IT EVERY DAY.
AND IF YOU ASK ME WHY, I WILL SAY, BECAUSE OSCAR MAYER HAS A
WAY WITH B-O-L-G-N-A.
BEAUTIFUL.
( APPLAUSE ) "SANTA CLARITA DIET" RETURNS
FRIDAY ON NETFLIX.
BACK WITH ADAM DEVINE!
STICK AROUND!