- [Amanda] Have you heard of gaslighting?
It's a popular term that describes manipulative behavior.
Gaslighting is detrimental to someone's mental
and emotional health.
Educating yourself on the signs
of gaslighting can help you maintain a protective boundary
against those who may try to take advantage
of you in this way.
Identifying there are ill intent can help you minimize
a gaslighter's attempts to control you
through stirring mistrust in yourself.
Here are five signature signs
that what you think is a simple disagreement
may actually be gaslighting.
(soothing music)
Number one, they invalidate your feelings.
It's normal for disagreements to cause emotional distress
in all parties involved.
However, if you find that someone makes comments,
such as, "You're being sensitive,"
or, "You're so weak,"
when you express your needs,
take it as a possible sign that gaslighting may be involved.
Gaslighters don't take your emotions
and opinions into account
because their goal is to mold reality
to fit their needs best.
By convincing you that you're the problem instead of them,
they get rid of the need to take accountability
for their own misbehaviors or flaws.
When facing a gaslighter who invalidates your feelings,
remember first and foremost that your feelings are valid.
Recognize that your capacity to identify
and speak out about your emotional needs is a sign
of emotional intelligence.
Stick to your truth.
Number two, they make you question yourself
and your sanity.
Disagreements have the potential for good.
They can help us shift our perspective
and broaden what might have been a narrow
and limiting thought process for you.
A gaslighter, however,
will not only leave you worse off
but will create feelings of self doubt within you
that lingers long after the conversation is over.
Notice how you feel after the conversation.
Do you feel you have more clarity,
or do you feel less sure of yourself
and the situation as a whole?
Gaslighters can manipulate your perception of yourself
by intentionally making hurtful remarks
about your intelligence,
memory capabilities, or competence,
which then allows them to brainwash you
into thinking their perception is more accurate.
Put a stop to it by either disengaging entirely
or by refusing to react to their words
and maintaining a strong sense of self.
Number three, they intend to make you feel small.
Going into a disagreement with a goal
of gaining a better understanding
or finding clarity can often benefit a relationship.
On the other hand,
a gaslighter's trademark purpose is to make you feel small,
undervalued, and alone.
You'll find that their words and phrases are used
in malicious ways that can benefit them
by keeping you mentally where they want you to be
and bringing gradual harm to you
both mentally and emotionally.
Gaining the upper hand in a conversation
with a gaslighter starts by understanding their behavior
from their point of view.
In knowing their goals and intentions,
you're more quickly able to divert the discussion
and protect yourself.
Number four, they don't take responsibility
for their words and actions.
After a disagreement,
it's not uncommon for there to be apologies
and accountability taken on the side
of all parties involved.
Gaslighters are the exception.
Instead of taking responsibility for ways they've hurt you
or admitting to their faults,
they're more likely to lie and make statements,
such as, "I've never said that before,"
or, "Your memory is terrible,
I've never done that."
It may be difficult to refute a gaslighter's lies
when they appear,
but it's important to not allow their attempts
to skew your sense of reality to succeed.
If you're able to discredit them vocally,
do so with a sense of conviction.
If not, keep in mind
that the most important thing is to salvage
your mental well-being and choose to move on
even if this means not getting the apologies
or fairness you deserve.
And number five,
you feel anxious about interacting with them.
If a relationship is strained enough,
you may both begin to feel tense
at the thought of interacting with one another.
But if you start to find yourself walking
on eggshells around a particular person,
consider that it might be because of the way
they purposefully make you feel negative about yourself
when you talk to them.
These manipulative tendencies
in someone else can cause you to want
as little interaction with them as possible.
Yet this can be difficult to do,
especially if the person plays a big role in your life,
for example, a partner,
a close friend, a family member,
or someone at work or school.
Think about how your gaslighter
has negatively influenced you in the past,
and write down ways in which you had responded instead.
Also remember that not all discomfort
is because of gaslighting,
those uncomfortable feelings could be due
to other reasons.
So did you find yourself relating
to any of the things we've mentioned here?
At the end of the day,
you're not responsible for the behaviors of a gaslighter
no matter how much they may try to make you believe so.
It's not up to you to make them change their ways.
And their inability or unwillingness
to do so is not a reflection of your worth as a person.
If you or anyone else you know is struggling
with mental and emotional well-being,
please seek help and talk
to a mental healthcare professional today.
Getting in touch with the right person
can be a great first step to getting back on track.
What are some things you've learned?
What's something you wish to learn more about?
What has been your experience?
Write them down in the comments.
And as always,
thank you so much for watching.
We'll see you in our next video.
(soothing music)