(Cliff Singing) My name’s Kaleo, and I'm a douche.
My name’s Kaleo, and I’m a douche, douche, douche.
LOGO.
(Jenna) Hellooo everybody!
What are you doing?
(Cliff) That’s not how you great people? (Jenna) I just saw it in the fucking monitor.
(Cliff) That’s not how you great people?
Did I do something wrong?
(Jenna) Today is Halloween, which means one of two things…this is the number two.
You're either eating a lot of candy or you're drinking a lot of alcohol.
We don't got any candy in this house, so guess what?
If you guys don't remember, back during the release of The Savior’s Champion, Cliff
and I did a drunk reading of TSC. You guys requested a part two!
So, that's what we're doing on this beautiful Hallows’ Eve.
(Cliff) Mwahahahaha! (Jenna) For a little bit of background, if you couldn't figure out our amazing costumes,
I am clearly Tobias with the floof…with the fluffy floof on my head.
I got the handprints on my titties.
I’m Tobias!
(Cliff) Mhmm. Yeah!
(Jenna) I have his eyes, so it works!
Since Cliff has Kaleo’s eyes…
(Cliff) Also known as serial killer eyes, apparently!
(Jenna) No!
Cliff is Kaleo for us today.
Like, he’s got the scars on his arms.
(Cliff) I like to kill.
(Jenna) And he's got My Chemical Romance hair.
(Cliff Singing) I’m not okay!
(Jenna) The first drunk TSC video is listed below, if you want to watch.
It was a good time.
That one is the spoiler free video.
This one is any man's game.
(Cliff) Anything can happen.
(Jenna) Anything can happen.
(Cliff) I mean, shit, she was a pizza last week.
(Jenna) That means there might be spoilers in this one.
If you haven’t read TSC yet, that's on you.
It's been out for six months.
(Cliff) You’ve had plenty of time.
(Jenna) Yes!
(Cliff) You’ve had plenty of time to read the thing, okay?
(Jenna) We're judging you.
I was supposed to choose a scene at random, but someone from Cyborg Central from my Patreon
page requested a particular scene.
Brian, this is for you.
Page 491. Waaah!
“The atrium swirled around him.
He lost count of the times the servants circled over, but it certainly wasn't enough, as he
still felt horrible.
Worse, even.”
If you're confused, Tobias is wasted right now.
“His painting loomed in front of him, propped up on an [inaudible].
‘Stop looking at me,’ he muttered into his pillow.
The painting didn't move.
He waited, hoping maybe it was a delayed reaction.
But when nothing happened, he groaned, ‘Stooop.’
He snatched up the painting.
‘You don't belong here.
I understand. Let’s go!’” (Cliff) You don’t belong here!
(Jenna) Waaah! (Cliff) You don’t say that.
(Jenna) “‘There.’ He set the painting on the floor.
‘For Leila darling.
Make her smile.’”
Aww, that’s so sad.
“He ran his fingers down the wall, petting it gently.
[Inaudible].
‘What are you doing, silly?’
He pointed to the painting.
‘I was just…I was bringing it where it goes.’
‘You're talking funny.’
‘I was just bringing it where it needs to be, that's all.’”
I'm trying to do the drunk slur whilst drunk.
(Cliff) Well, if you think about it, it's kind of like…what do they call that when
you get into character acting?
When you're, like…
(Jenna) Method acting?
(Cliff) Yeah, it's kind of method acting.
(Jenna) Yeah, that's exactly…
That was the plan.
“‘I don't feel well,’ he mumbled.
‘Why?’
‘Wine.’”
I wish I had wine, but all I have is beer.
Your turn.
(Cliff) “Flynn froze.
‘Wait, I never said I felt her breast.
I mean, I never said I didn’t, either.
I mean, wait.
What did she tell you?’
Tobias groaned.
‘Will you just shut up?’
‘I will not.
Didn’t you two explicitly request my assistance?’
‘Yes, and I'm regretting that decision,’ Leila muttered.
‘And why are you helping him…anyhow?’
Flynn crossed his arms.
‘I'm rather fond of the poor bastard, myself.
I'm just confused.
Does Cosima not like Antaeus?’”
(Jenna) Do you not recognize punctuation marks?
(Cliff) No!
(Jenna) All the sentences just blended together!
(Cliff) I know…
(Jenna) Page 323.
“A hand made its way to his groin and he lurched away.
‘Shit!’
Hemera poked her head up.
‘Have I startled you again?’
‘That's my cock!’”
Penises are funny.
“‘Don't be alarmed, I'm just cleaning, remember?’”
(Cliff) You don’t just go grabbing on shlong-a-dongs just ‘cause you want to clean ‘em.
(Jenna) In her defense, it's literally her job to do this, and I don't think she's used
to people who are not used to having their genitals cleaned.
“Tobias stared at her, confused, until a rag was suddenly forced down the crack of his
ass.
He bolted upright.
‘Mother of–’ The girl with the long black hair popped up at his side.
‘Is there a problem?’
‘You nearly shoved your hand up my ass.’”
Oh, I’m an adult.
“‘Don't mind me, I'm just cleaning.’
‘You're cleaning my ass?’
‘Of course,’ she said.
‘It's my duty and pleasure!’”
(Cliff) Gotta clean the dookie!
(Jenna) It’s funny ‘cause she said, ‘It’s my duty.’
(Cliff) Mhmm. Ah, I see the pun.
Duty to clean that doody booty.
(Jenna) “‘I do believe I can clean my own ass.’
‘Oh, don't be silly.
You're in the palace, now.
You needn’t worry yourself with that.’”
(Cliff) Silly, silly man.
You don't clean your own ass, here.
We do it for you!
It’s the palace, goddammit!
The palace!
We clean ass here, for all of the residents.
We do a mighty good job cleaning that ass!
(Jenna) Alright, Cliff’s chosen a scene with Tobias and Kaleo so that we can read
together!
This is page 79 of the hardback.
(Cliff) “It was Tobias' turn to venture through the course.
As he approached the starting point, Kaleo swerved in front of him.
‘Apologies, but would you mind if I cut in, yes?’”
(Jenna) That’s not what it says!
(Cliff) “‘Apologies, but would you mind if I cut in?
Yes?’”
(Jenna) That’s still not what it says!
“Milo’s death flashed–” (Laughing) Sorry. It’s not funny, but it is.
“Milo’s death flashed through Tobias’ mind.
His shattered bones, his innards smeared across the wall, and he met Kaleo’s grin with a
glare.”
(Cliff) “Kaleo skipped on to the first footprint tile.
‘I suppose you’ll just have to stare at my ass for a while, now, won't you?’”
(Jenna) Okay, okay.
We get it.
“One step.
Two.
Tobias watched his feet, trying to focus exclusively on the tiles below, but he couldn't help but–”
What are you doing?
(Cliff) Scratching my back!
(Jenna) “He hated the man.”
Oh my gosh, you’re creeping me out!
(Cliff) What?
Kaleo’s creepy.
That's the whole idea!
(Jenna) “It was seeping from him, filling the space like a black cloud.”
That's a hint for TSS, guys.
That's a hint for TSS!
(Cliff) Don't give it away!
(Jenna) The Savior’s Sister.
No one knows what the hint is…
(Cliff) Don't give it away.
(Jenna) No one knows…
(Cliff) Don’t give it away!
“‘It must eat away at you, knowing I'm close enough to touch, yet you can't lay a
fucking hand on me.’”
(Jenna) Yes, I can.
(Cliff) “‘You must be absolutely trembling with rage.
I don't blame you, artist.
I killed your friend.
It was an impulsive decision.
Quiet, still?’ Kaleo looked over his shoulder.
‘My brother?’”
(Jenna) “‘We are not brothers,’ Tobias hissed.”
Wait, hold on.
“‘We are not brothers!’”
(Cliff) (Laughing) “‘An expression.
I certainly don't mean it literally.
Drake, how long do you think that benevolent fellow would’ve lasted had I not have offed
him off when I did?’”
(Jenna) Offed him off?
(Cliff) Yeah.
I’m offing off offety off.
“Toblias…”
Words are hard.
“‘Don't mind Drake, he only speaks when he must.
Anyhow, I'd given him a week and that's being awful generous.’”
(Jenna) My turn.
Page 294.
Oh, I read this one in the last time.
(Cliff) You mean in the last video we did?
(Jenna) Yeah, in the last drunk video.
It’s the, “You like her much. You feel it here, in chest. And here, in cock.
Eh?” Waaah!
(Cliff) Waaah!
(Jenna) Waaah!
(Cliff) Waaah!
(Jenna) Okay, page 293.
“One kiss turned into two, then three.
Ea–” What are you doing?
(Cliff) I’m getting into character.
(Jenna) You're not in this scene.
(Cliff) I'm in every scene.
Are you telling me I'm not important?
That hurts!
(Jenna) “The tent flat flew open and Tobias and Leila froze, gaping in horror.” (Gasping)
“Enzo stood at the entrance, his beady gaze fixed on them as they clung to one another.
Enzo's face relaxed.
‘I see nothing.
You two were having a conversation.
Nothing more.
I go.’
He turned on his heel, then stopped, grinning over his shoulder.
‘I stand outside.
If someone want in, I direct elsewhere.
You can finish the talking amongst together, right?’
Tobias thought back to his encounter with The Dog a few days ago.
‘He owes me.’”
That encounter–woah, I just hit myself in the face.
That encounter was him walking in on a blowjob.
My parents are very proud of me.
Your turn, sweetheart.
(Cliff) “She floated in the room like a goddess, weightless.
A black dress draped her figure, its neckline plunging deep between her breasts.
Two long slits showing glimpses of her legs.
Black garnets sat along a belt at her waist.
She was a vision.
She was breathtaking, and Tobias’ heartbeat surged,
his chest rising desperately.”
His dick rising desperately.
That’s not really in this… I was kind of spitballing it.
I just wanted to see if you guys were paying attention, and you weren't.
You failed.
(Jenna) It's funny because in my mind, he's probably getting a boner in this moment, and
all I could think about is he eventually gets up to dance.
He's wearing pyramid pants.
What?
Is that what they’re called?
The pants that are loose in the crotch?
(Cliff) Oh, like MC Hammer pants?
(Jenna) Harem pants!
Pyramid pants…
I called them pyramid pants.
He's wearing harem pants, guys.
It's loose in the lap.
He don't got no underwear.
Does that mean that he’s just walking around with this like raging boner? Like, (sound effect).
This is the shit that keeps me up at night.
Like, how is he dancing with this raging boner?
(Cliff) You just do what every other guy does and you think about dead puppies.
(Jenna) I just want to know, ‘cause they don't have…they don't have underwear in
Thessen.
So, what is he doing?
(Cliff) Well, maybe, you know…they…they let it flow.
(Jenna) Maybe they're just very comfortable in Thessen with boners and it's normal for
a guy to be walking around pitching a tent.
(Cliff) “Tobias' knee dropped, following Wembleton’s command.
‘Rise!’
And his eyes went straight to Leia, who sat…”
(Jenna) Leila!
She's not from Star Wars, bitch!
(Cliff) Her eyes went straight to Leia...
(Jenna) Leila!
(Cliff laughing)
(Jenna) That’s twice in a row!
That is offensive.
I don't even like Star Wars.
We're getting into the spoilers, now, guys.
We’re getting into some spoiler-y shit.
This is page 536.
“The heat within him spread, pulsing through his chest, his back, every…”
Fuck.
“Through every handprint on his skin.
The Savior's mark lit him from the inside, and his mind sank into the background, allowing
the heat to take over.
The power.”
‘Cause he's blessed to shit, guys!
He's hella blessed.
So, he's got hella Savior magic in him.
So, he's just like...he’s just a fucking beast.
(Cliff) Doing it.
(Jenna) He’s a beast.
(Cliff) He's doing it.
(Jenna) “His hands moved of their own bidding, working with a skill born in that moment.
He swiped Kaleo’s chest.”
(Cliff) Oh!
Ow! My chest, motherfucker!
Dick ass.
Ya dick head.
You dick asshole motherfucker. Ah!
(Jenna) “Red splattered the sand like rain, but it wasn't enough;
it needed to pour.
Tobias kicked the fallen sword from Kaleo’s reach and drew both his blades, crossing them
like an X–” shwing, shwing “–at his throat.
Wembleton barely croaked above the cheering,
‘The Shepard’s disarmed!’”
Disarmed!
“Kaleo’s wide eyes darted between the swords.
‘Well, this is an unexpected turn of events, isn't it?’
Tobias shook his head.
‘I don't think so, no.’”
He’s feeling the blessing.
He's feeling the…
(Cliff) He's in the zone.
(Jenna) He’s feeling the power.
(Cliff) Don’t fuck with him!
He will fuck you up!
(Jenna) The power of the Savior!
“Still, Kaleo remain unmoved.
As if his own death was inconsequential to him.
As if the bloodshed was little more than a game.
‘Well, then, since it seems I'll be leaving this word.’”
Word.
Oh my gosh, I’m ruining the best line!
(Cliff) Who’s making mistakes, now, huh?
Yeah!
(Jenna) “‘Well, then, since it seems I'll be leaving this world, a moment for my parting
words–’ Tobias launched both swords through Kaleo’s throat, slicing his head clear from
his shoulders.”
Ahhh!
(Cliff) Gotcha, bitch!
(Jenna) “The head rolled to the ground, it's blue eyes pointed at nothing.
It’s smile finally stripped away.
‘Fuck your parting words.’”
Bitch!
That's the line that I should’ve added, guys.
I made a mistake.
This book is flawed.
It's lacking the word ‘bitch’ at the end of that sentence.
(Cliff) “‘Strength and peace, ease the pain.’”
(Jenna) You're supposed to say the page number, you fruit loop!
(Cliff) Well, there's no page number on here!
Ya damn…you damn swizzle straw.
“‘Strength and peace, ease the pain.
Mend the flesh.
Make him as he once was.’
The light returned, flooding his vision.
He squinted, straining to focus.
The light that took shape into the body of a woman.”
Jenna.
I mean, Leia.
Leila.
(Jenna) (Laughing) Did you call her Leia again?!
Page 134.
Go to it, my child.
(Cliff) I sure as hell hope I'm not your child.
(Jenna) “Saliva pooled in Tobias' mouth.
Slowly, the masked man raised his blade, pressing the cool steel to Tobias' neck, and sending his
back shooting straight.
He dragged the blade down his chest, his stomach, the length of his thigh.”
Ooh.
“Then finally brought it to a halt, positioning it…positioning it just above Tobias’ knee.
‘He's going to die!’
Altair’s eyes widened.
‘Oh God, and we have to watch.’
‘Shut the fuck up!’
Flynn barked.
‘God, you stupid cock!’
The blade ripped through him, bringing with it a fiery pain.
Tobias sucked in a gasping breath, the moment agonizing.
The ache ungodly and alive.
The blade stopped, hitting something hard–bone, and rivers of crimson seeped through his open
flesh, fueling his war drum heartbeat.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
The man twisted the blade inside Tobias’ flesh, sending him writhing, but eventually
the weapon went still.
The worst was over.
But when the man's beady gaze locked with Tobias’, it became abundantly clear that
the torment had only begun.”
(Cliff) Oh, shit! (Jenna) Fuck!
(Cliff) Give you an idea of Flynn’s personality.
137.
[Inaudible]
“Flynn glanced between the others.
‘What does that even mean?
Why can't they just say exactly what they're looking for?’
‘It's a riddle. It's not supposed to be straightforward.’
‘Oh, don't be patronizing.
Read the damn answer.’
‘It’s three candles,’ Raphael said.
‘Three candles?’
Flynn wrinkled this nose.
‘Implausible.
You lie.’”
(Jenna) What the–?
Implausible!
You lie!
(Laughing)
So that’s all we got for you today!
(Cliff) Yeah, sorry for sucking!
(Jenna) I can’t breathe!
My asthma.
Happy Halloween, everyone!
(Cliff) Happy Halloween!
(Jenna) I hope you celebrate safely!
(Cliff) Very safely!
(Jenna) Not like us.
Not what we're doing.
Thank you, Cliff, for joining us today as Kaleo!
Thank you everyone for enduring this!
I don't even want to say ‘watching this,’ because I have no idea how this is gonna turn out.
Don't forget to subscribe to my channel!
I post new videos on Wednesdays.
I also have bonus content all the fuckin’ time, so ring that bell down below!
It's over here.
(Cliff Singing) Ring it, ring it!
Ring it, ring it!
Ring it! Ring it!
(Jenna) The Savior's Champion is available in ebook, hardback, signed hardback, and paperback!
All the links are listed below.
Pick up a copy!
Join Tobias on his amazing adventure!
You should totally do it, because it's a fuckin’ good book.
I'm not just saying that ‘cause I wrote it.
I'm saying it ‘cause it's a fact.
And be sure to jollow…
Jollow?
(Cliff rambles)
(Jenna) And be sure to follow me on social media!
I'm on Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, and of course, you can tweet me @JennaMoreci!
Bye!
Fucking magnets!
(Together) How do they work?
(Cliff) Isn’t a volcano just an angry hill?
(Together) And Santa Claus created all of us equal.
(Cliff) Everyone knows that.
(Jenna laughs)