hey what's up Stefanie the English coach here from EnglishFullTime.com
in this video I'm gonna give you some tips to help you have better
conversations with other people to help the conversations flow better and to
help you feel more in control when you're there talking with someone in
English because when you're speaking in English you might not feel that
confident right you might be feeling like oh my gosh they don't understand me
or they're listening to my accent or I sound awful or I'm making mistakes you
have all those thoughts going on in the back of your mind but then you are also
in the middle of a conversation and those thoughts are probably pretty
distracting so right off the bat the first thing that I want to say and this
wasn't even on my list it's just that when you're in a conversation with
someone else you really have to be focused right it is a moment in time
where they require 100% of your attention and you require 100% of their
attention for this exchange of ideas to happen well and naturally okay so
regardless of what you might be worrying about try and set that aside when you're
gonna have conversations with people in English and really focus on the other
person okay not yourself that in and of itself will help your conversations go
better but anyhow getting to the tips that I actually planned for this video
the first one is to just come prepared now in your native language you probably
don't really ever prepare for conversations unless it's a big
discussion like with your boss or if it's an interview or something like that
yeah maybe then you prepare but for a conversation in your native language
you're probably like I don't need help with that right I was the same way in
English I never had to prepare for any conversations and then I went to
Argentina I lived there for several years and I went from being this super
social outgoing I could talk to anybody kind of person to this total like
introvert like I couldn't even open my mouth even when I had
ideas even when I really wanted to say something and that was quite frustrating
so finally after dealing with that for years I realized you know what why don't
I just prepare for the conversations that I know are going to happen my
husband for example is from Argentina so every Sunday we would get together with
his family for lunch Saturday nights we would often get together with his family
Thursday afternoons we would get together you know I always knew that
these occasions were going to come up but I never prepared for them so then
when they would happen you know people would look at me and be like Stefanie
like talk share something and I'd just be like I don't know what to say okay so
I was able to totally overcome that issue just by preparing right when I
knew I was gonna go to dinner at my in-laws house I'd be like okay think
about the week Stefanie what was different this week what was interesting
what was good what was bad what can I bring to the table right because when
families get together to talk everybody just starts dishing it out they start
sharing how their week went what went well what bad and it's like so natural
right except when you're doing it in a foreign language you totally forget you
freeze and you don't know what to say so I would prepare I would think of what
I could share but then I would also think about the other people that would
be involved and I would think about their week you know I wonder what they
did this week oh I remember they had to go to that doctor's appointment I'm
gonna ask them how that went or oh I remember they were thinking about
getting a new car so I'm gonna ask like did they decide on a model right if
you're struggling with conversations and if you feel like a totally different
person in your native language and in English when it comes to conversations
you might be struggling with the same thing so I encourage you to prepare for
conversations that you're going to have they're gonna go so much better they're
going to be so much more dynamic you're going to enjoy yourself it's gonna feel
great and yeah let me know how it goes like try that okay prepare for the next
conversation you know you're going to have go over a few things in your head
and and then yeah come to the comments later let me know how it goes I really
want to hear about that okay the next thing you need are go to questions now
go to questions are questions that you go to in the event that a conversation
gets kind of awkward or weird or dry or boring or maybe you're talking to a
person you've never talked to before right you need to have these questions
where it's like you already know you can ask them so for example one of my go-to
questions for people I know is hey so what are you doing this weekend you know
what are your plans that is so easy it gets them talking it gives you time to
think and process your ideas that's just really easy if it's somebody that I
don't know my go-to questions are usually like where are you from where do
you live what do you do for a living there are some articles I've seen that
are I don't know there's like a debate going on about whether it's polite or
not to ask what people do I just ask anyways because I'm naturally curious
and I want to know like your work is such a huge part of who you are you
dedicate 40 hours or more a week to that I want to know what you dedicate your
time to because hey that might strike up a new conversation and I just find that
stuff really interesting I could talk to anybody about their work I love talking
about it that's another thing too when you can get people talking about the
things that they know and love that will help your conversations go so much
smoother just when you're struggling to communicate just put the pressure on the
next person you know like get them to talk by asking questions that leads us
right into the next thing I was gonna say to have better conversations you
have to practice active listening and asking questions okay so what is this
right now I am doing all the talking because I am literally in a room by
myself with the camera if I think about it too much that's a little bit awkward
but I know that later people are going to watch this video you're watching it
right now you're gonna listen etc this is a lecture basically I am lecturing
this is not a conversation in conversations you have to listen
actively to what the person is saying and then get ready to ask a question or
next tip to share a story right because I like to think of conversations like
this think about tennis right the ball goes back and forth and back and forth a
conversation should be 50/50 50% of the time you are talking 50% of the time the
other person is talking now sometimes that can be a little bit unbalanced like when
I'm talking with one of my mentors I don't
do as much talking because I'm sitting there to learn you know because that's
something I enjoy and this is a bit off-topic sometimes we find ourselves in
situations where we are with someone who just won't shut up like they just keep
talking and they will not stop and you're just like I want to ask a
question but this person won't shut their mouth yeah that's a hard one I will have
to make a different video about how to deal with people like that let me know
in the comments if that's something you'd like to see okay
but basically active listening right here's one of the biggest mistakes that
people make in conversations and communication they are listening not to
hear what the person has to say they are listening so that they can respond so
let's say you're telling me about your your latest vacation and I'm listening
and I cannot wait to cut you off and be like oh my gosh yeah I went on vacation
recently too I went to Miami it was awesome I did this I did that
that's not active listening active listening would be like wow that's
awesome I'm so glad you got to go on that vacation what you know what did you
guys do yeah I don't know like but basically asking them a question to go
deeper into the subject okay and believe it or not when you do that when you go
deeper into a subject with somebody else at some point they're gonna feel like
they're doing all the talking they might even say that they might say oh my gosh
I'm doing all the talking what about you like have you gone on any vacations
recently and then that's your opportunity to share what you want to
share right so it's just thinking about conversations strategically because even
if this is easy for you and your native language it might not be as easy for you
in English because yeah this is foreign language what we said in the beginning
of the video it's a struggle okay so I already mentioned sharing stories but
one thing I want to say about this is there's basically three things that
happen in conversations one you exchange information two you share stories and
three you ask questions literally that's it that's what a conversation is people
are exchanging information like oh did you know that the best place to you know
buy fresh vegetables is over here oh no I didn't know that you know that
blah blah blah blah blah right then they have a conversation about it they ask a
question and they share a story oh yeah because last week I bought my vegetables
over here and this happened and they were not fresh I don't know you guys I
am I am making this up okay I wanted to say something else but it was
inappropriate I'm pulling it out of my anyways so share your stories don't be
afraid to get personal with people it can be so easy and you know just say oh
yeah last week the same thing happened to me or you know when I was 5 years old
that you know I know exactly what you mean because that happened to me or yeah
whatever connect when you share a story you're connecting with other people and
it helps them to trust you it helps them to identify with you it helps them to
have a good time with you to like you okay the next thing to have better
conversations is just to speak up if you're anything like what I was like in
the beginning of my journey of learning Spanish I would I did not speak up you
know I would have things inside of me that I wanted to share and I just
wouldn't share them because I was like mm I don't know if I should what are
they gonna think and then the next tip this is all going to come together don't
overthink what you're going to say don't sit there and work out the sentence
grammatically before you open your mouth because conversations happen so fast and
what's gonna happen is by the time you finally put that sentence together in
your head just because you were overthinking yourself not because you
weren't capable of speaking it they everyone has already moved on they're
laughing now at a new topic and that lovely story you wanted to share that
anecdote that joke that punchline whatever that was it is lost forever and
you're never gonna get that opportunity again
okay so speak up do not be afraid do not overthink what you're going to say and
try to put the words together in your head literally open your mouth and I
promise the words will fall out anyhow I hope all of these tips were very helpful
let me know what you think of this video in the comments did you already know
this stuff already or not was it helpful do you think it's gonna help you
improve your conversations and you know beyond just thinking about whether it's
gonna help your conversations or not just apply these tips and then let me
know what the results were okay because you actually
won't know if it works unless you try it right okay so that's it you guys
thank you so much for watching and I just want to let you know if you are new
here I always include a free download in the description the one I'm including
today is a free guide on how to practice your English with native speakers no
matter where you live in the world just by using the Internet okay how to
connect with people how to make friends how to have conversations etc so you can
improve your fluency and your confidence through participating in discussions
through active learning etc because that is literally the number one way to
improve your English okay so I'll link it in the description
this is the number one guide on my website it has helped lots of people and
I am confident that it can help you that's it and I will see you in the next video