Love my wife, you guys.
16 years next month,
isn't that awesome?
(audience cheers)
16 years?
(audience applauding)
We fight though from time to time.
All couples fight.
Every couple's
had that one fight, right?
You know that fight where you stop,
and you think to yourself,
"Whoa, did, did, did I just say that?
"I might as well say everything now!"
(audience laughing)
"And those jeans make you look fat."
I know I can't believe
my wife said that, I can't!
That was so . . .
that was wildly inappropriate!
(audience laughing)
Not right at all, that was not right!
We love each other.
We've had to do some
strange things together.
Like one time we had to go
to a couple's wedding shower.
Anyone out there have been
to a couple's wedding shower?
You have?
You're just moving your arm?
(audience laughing)
Well you picked the
perfect time for it, sir.
Couple's wedding shower?
Yeah!
(audience laughing)
I had to go to a couple's
wedding shower with my wife,
and we love each other
very much, 16 years,
a beautiful child,
we love each other very much,
but we were fighting
when we had to go
to that couple's wedding shower,
and that is a tough thing,
because you're going to this event,
this party together,
to celebrate two people in love,
celebrating their lives together
and at the time my wife
and I had to pretend
that we liked each other.
It was hard,
so we're at the front door, it's like,
"Babababa, babababa!"
Door opens, "Hey!
(audience laughing)
"So excited for ya."
And they made us play games
at the couple's wedding shower.
They make you do this,
they make you play games.
They made us play
the Newlywed Game.
You know, you know,
the game where you have to guess
what your spouse says
and you'll leave the room
and try to match it up.
This is a disaster when you're fighting.
(audience laughing)
Can I just say that?
Because what you're fighting about
is just gonna passively
aggressively bubble to the surface
and make things weird for everybody,
(audience laughing)
so my wife and I are fighting.
We're playing the Newlywed Game,
and I kid you not.
This is the very first question
they asked us.
The first question they ask us is,
"What was the last thing you
"and your spouse fought about?"
(audience laughing)
I know, I couldn't believe it!
(audience laughing)
So I just tried to keep it light, right?
I'm like,
Leaving the toilet seat up
(audience laughing)
and then they asked my wife,
"What was the last thing you
"and your spouse fought about?"
And she said,
"How completely unfulfilled I am."
(audience laughing)
We laugh like this all the time.
These are the jokes.
When you're in love as long as we are,
we make jokes like this.
This is fun, that's what love is.
It's joking and laughing
and we do, we laugh a lot,
we love a lot.
My wife's very, very proud of me.
It's a good time in my life.
I mentioned that I've lost that weight.
I weighed 335 pounds!
And my wife's excited about that.
You think my wife's excited?
My wife is excited.
Sometimes she tells me
she feels like she's married
to somebody else.
(audience laughing)
I know that sounds weird,
but it's a compliment, isn't it?
It sounds weird,
so I've started doing this thing
from time to time when
it's just the two of us, you know.
Sometimes I'll get up, leave the room,
shove a pillow under my shirt,
run back in and yell,
What's going on here?
(audience laughing)
What are you doing with
Ron Howard's brother?
(audience laughing)