CONSPIRACY GUY: This video is sponsored by Campire.
All according to plan!
Let’s see how the world’s doing today?
Nope.
Still terrible.
Man, these 2020 videos are going to be weird in retrospect.
Then I might as well work on that campaign for a table top role playing game!
Specifically, how a Dungeon Master can prepare to run a table top RPG game like Dungeon and
Dragons and the many many other rpg systems available.
Terrible Writing Advice has covered areas outside of good old-fashioned novel writing
before.
After all, writing has a lot of applications.
So I thought I would branch out and cover a subject of personal interest to me and for
those many other Dungeon Masters who often leave comments in my videos admiring my sage
advice.
So to all of you Dungeon Masters and Game Masters out there, roll initiative, and let
Terrible Writing Advice show you how to Game Master a Table Top RPG.
When running a Table Top RPG there is one big misconception that I must dispel first,
that we are all here to have fun.
Fun, is the worst thing that can happen in a tabletop RPG!
This isn’t fun, this is my life, my masterwork tale!
Any players having fun are simply ruining your master piece artwork and should be forced
to feel the full wrath of the Dungeon Master, or DM for short.
We are all here to play a hard core game of make believe!
The only exception to this is when a player is ruining another player’s fun.
A good DM would just let that slide.
What little fun to be had should be treated as a zero sum game.
Now that we have ground all of the fun out of the game from the get-go, we can focus
on the important aspects and qualities a DM can have.
Those would be flexibility and adaptability.
Specifically, flexing and adapting the wills of your players until their broken spirits
conform to the DM’s story or else Remember, the DM is always the star of the show, never
the players.
Player characters are best treated as background extras.
Never should every player’s character be given a time to shine each session or be made
to feel special in any way.
All of those opportunities should be afford to the DM’s special Non Player Character,
or DMNPC.
Yeah.
Players just love over powered DMNPCS who steal the show and solve all of the story’s
problems themselves.
Should a DM always add an overpowered self insert NPC?
Of course!
The only thing about my DMNPC I feel conflicted about is if I should name him Marty Stu or
Gary Stu as well as how big his harem should be.
You know, why even stop at making the player characters background extras in their own
story?
Make sure the DMNPC reduces the player characters to mere passive observers who do nothing but
sit around and watch the DM roll play with himself.
The DMNPC needs others to witness their great feats of daring do of course.
But what villain will our heroic self insert face?
What dangers will the party confront on their journey?
When it comes to dangerous creatures, there is only one that is so ruthless, so conniving,
cruel, and dangerous that it will spend every waking moment dedicated to nothing short of
ending your campaign in its tracks.
I, of course, speak of the players themselves.
Thankfully, TWA has assemble this list of common player archetypes for the DM to be
wary of.
The Role Player This player will get lost in role playing
their character.
Often to the point of hogging the spotlight which any DM should tolerate no matter how
long it goes on.
However, a role player who balances their spotlight as well as draw other players out
of their shells should be kicked out of the group ASAP.
The Roll Player In contrast, the Roll Player is more engaged
by the game itself than the drama.
Sometimes called a power gamer, their eyes will gloss over during the story parts, but
will get easily absorbed by the mechanics and strategy of the game system.
In no way should a DM worry when the Roll Player turns their finely tuned, min-maxed
character upon their fellow players as the main danger a DM should worry about is the
Roll Player beating the DM at their own game.
The Joker Some men just want to watch your campaign
burn.
This is one such player.
Most are more focused on amusing themselves rather than others and their amusement is
usually a result of taking random, chaotic actions that no sane character would ever
do.
The best method for dealing with an out of control joker is to call Batman.
The Rules Lawyer I was unable finish this entry because I am
still arguing with the rules layer about the definition of rules lawyering.
The Edge Lord These players watched my Antihero video and
took all of its advice to heart.
They have high chances of contracting murder-hoboitis and are often 100% fatal to any teamwork in
the party.
The best method for dealing with an edge lord is waiting for them to grow up.
Because that will probably happen long before they finally figure out that edginess cannot
substitute for characterization.
Just be sure to avoid encourage them to get over themselves and work with the rest of
the team.
Do not let them read any edgy manga or they will turn into...
The Hentai Guy The Hentai Guy has one or more horrible sexual
fetishes that they will try to put into the game at the worst opportunity.
The problem with this is that their attempts to do so conflict with my horrible fetishes
I’m trying put into the game.
There can be only one!
A DM will have to do battle with the Hentai Guy for the fate of the magical realm.
Otherwise, this boundary blind person should just be tolerated and never called out for
making everyone else uncomfortable.
Meanwhile the mystery as to why all of the girls have left the group remains unsolved.
The Non Player Why is this person here?
I don’t know and neither does the non player.
Non players are great the same way filler arcs are in shows.
They exist and take up space.
Never try to the draw them out of their comfort zone and get them to try something new or
try to help them find a niche in the story, but if a DM does, make sure to do it in the
most alienating way possible.
The Snowflake The special Snowflake wants to play a homebrew
self-insert, half dragon, kitsune, furry, multi-class demi-god in a human only historical
setting.
No the DM can’t look at the Snowflake’s character sheet because reasons!
The DM should always relent to the Snowflake’s demands no matter how game breaking they are
and never should the DM put their foot down and say no.
The Drama Queen In some ways, the Drama Queen is the opposite
of the Role Player.
Where as the Role Player gets lost in the drama of the fiction, the Drama Queen brings
their real life drama into the fiction.
Even though everyone is here to have fun and escape reality for a little while, the Drama
Queen is here to bring everyone crashing back down to reality, or at least the strange version
of reality the Drama Queen lives in.
Be sure to just let the Drama Queen continue to leak toxicity into the campaign until she
has done more damage to the party than the final boss monster.
That Guy Ah.
That Guy.
We all know that guy.
His heavy mouth breathing resulting from the three steps he traversed announces his presence
to all much like the trail of Cheeto dust in his wake!
The fact That Guy even manages to show up despite possessing the intelligence and problem
solving capacity of a single cell bacterium is impressive in and of itself.
Truly that guy is the best of all players.
He possesses all of the desire for power of the power gamer, but none of the mastery of
the game system, all of the lust of the Hentai Guy, yet with somehow even less social grace
to know when to conceal it, all of the impulsiveness of the Joker with none of creativity, the
same lack of initiative of the non-player but without the instinct to stay out of the
other players’ way.
None can stand in the way of That Guy for his body order is potent beyond the ability
of mere mortals to endure.
Truly any DM is blessed to have their game graced by That Guy and they should never just
be kicked out without a second thought.
Remember, if having problems with your fellow players, never just try to talk to them like
reasonable adults?
Better to let problems simmer until they boil over and make everyone quit the game in frustration.
If a DM finds the situation has turned truly toxic, then just keep going rather than remove
yourself from a toxic environment.
Same goes for the players.
A good way of looking at the fellow players is as opponents that must be defeated.
Routinely murdering the player character’s until the players quit the game in frustration
is the way to go!
Handling character death would usually depend on the mood of the campaign and tone of the
story.
But, I’m killing off the player’s characters because it gives me a rush of petty power
and control.
I will kill off all of the PCs and claim ultimate victory in this cooperative storytelling game.
What does a DM win after defeating all of the characters in the player’s party?
Well usually they win the ultimate prize of having to finding another group to play with.
With the players taken care of, what about the plot?
That’s easy!
All aboard the plot railroad!
Toot Toot!
That’s right.
The story is all on rails from here on out.
Again, flexibility and adaptation are not needed when we can instead beat our players
back onto the straight and narrow path of total submission to the DM.
Embracing player creative problem solving is highly discouraged as it might lead to
unique and new encounters that are not listed in my notes.
Creativity should always be punished, never fostered in the players.
Just be sure to restrict role play opportunities enough that eventually the player characters
all revert into treasure obsessed murder hobos.
When a DM restricts the only meaningful in game interactions to violence, they should
express surprise when the players try to solve every problem by murdering it and taking its
stuff.
In fact, the biggest mistake a DM can make is giving deeper context to any aspect of
the game.
Why are the PCs delving into long forgotten dungeons?
For the treasure!
Why are there so many monsters in these dungeons?
To guard the treasure.
Who built these dungeons?
Why the ancient peoples who made the treasure.
Why did these ancient peoples go extinct?
Well obviously because they hoarded all of their treasure into over-designed dungeons
full of high maintenance monsters rather than reinvesting that back into their economy.
Laying a variety of plot hooks to see which ones the players’ like most?
Working with players to establish character arcs?
Creating imaginative worlds that open up role playing opportunities rather than let the
setting hog the spotlight?
Running tactical combat scenarios that skirt along the precipice of death to keep the players’
at the edge of their seats?
Being a DM has nothing to do with any of that.
The real reason to be a DM is to forge a pack with the forces of darkness and gain real
magic powers.
Well, I’ve looked through the Player’s Handbook, Dungeon Master’s Guide, and the
Monster Manual and still haven't found the section on gaining real magic powers, but
the fundies assured me it’s there.
But when I find it, my players will be sorry they killed Marty Stu!
KNIGHT: Ah!
Knight Commander Mc Stabby Pants returns.
And with this video’s Sponsor, Campfire no less.
COMMANDER: I told you guys not to call me that!
KNIGHT: Of course, Mc Stabby pants.
COMMANDER: *Grumbles*
KNIGHT: Well let’s open up this sponsor and see what makes it tick.
COMMANDER: Who’s the new guy?
CONSPIRACY GUY: Oh.
Me?
I’m, uh, the newest squire.
COMMANDER: Wait.
I don’t remember a new squire.
CONSPIRACY GUY: Um.
What would a bunch of hipster knights say?
There is no ethical consumption under ads?
…
COMMANDER: I like you!
You get it.
Come squire.
We must learn all we can about this new sponsor.
Before one of the other Expand Universe factions try to steal it.
CONSPIRACY GUY: Like those extremely handsome and smart gentlemen part of the Ancient Conspiracy?
COMMANDER: What?
Those guys are a joke.
Bunch of illuminate has beens who sold out to the man.
CONSPIRACY GUY: We’re not a…
I mean they’re not a joke.
I hear they are experts at manipulation and subtle planning.
We better watch out!
COMMANDER: Enough.
We must learn of Campfire’s secrets before its too late!
CONSPIRACY GUY: Well.
Let’s see what we got here.
Campfire is a writing software program to help writers organize their notes.
From timelines for visualizing the plot’s flow as well as character detail pages for
backstories, relationships, and even entire character arcs.
Dungeon Masters might also find the comprehensive world building pack to be useful as well with
its ability to help them flesh out species, cultures, languages, philosophies, religions,
items, and even magic systems.
It’s a one time purchase of $49.99 with the worldbuilding addon pack for $24.99.
It comes with a 10 day trial.
TWA fans can go to bit.ly/CampfireProTWA2 or click in the link in the description below.
Oh.
I see General Warmonger Wannabe has been keeping notes on the various factions in the TWA expanded
universe.
I wonder what he said about us?
COMMANDER: Um.
Why did you click on the Ancient Conspiracy Guy then?
CONSPIRACY GUY: What?
I’m not a communist!
And calling me egotistical!
It’s not my fault that I’m the only one in the TWA universe with any functioning gray
matter.
Oh.
What’s this IG thing?
COMMANDER: NO!
Don’t click on that?
CONSPIRACY GUY: Oh great.
Is those things again…
COMMANDER: Oh no!
It’s the visible hand of the free market come to snuff us out!